Straight to the Point, Be Direct & Honest

Have you ever been a guest at someones house and slept over at their house and then the next morning when they asked you if you wanted English Breakfast you simply replied “no thanks” but actually meant to say “yeah” because you didnt want to look like 1) a bad guest 2) a greedy pig OR 3) you dont want to waste their food. Funny huh?

Remember they asked you for a reason, they wanted to know if you wanted some food, they were just showing that they care about you. I mean for them its rude for them not to ask you, atleast for them they dont want to feel like they treated you like a bad guest yet you turn down a big juicey English Breakfast! Are you one the of those types that says NO to someone asking you to stay for dinner or breakfast?

Instead be honest but also say YES more in these types of situations, even when your not hungry if you havent had anything to eat these people are being good friends, they want to make sure you are well fed as the guest and even if your not that hungry say yes to breakfast and just say “i’ll have a little”. I grew up always turning down dinner, breakfast and everything else where ever i went. After going to a party and sleeping over last weekend i turned down some breakfast, partially because sometimes i dont want to be seen as the one who is taking food from fellow students. I know i should not feel like this and often i do agree to staying for dinner or breakfast. Only this time i let myself down, not a big deal but a reminder why being honest in this situation is a good thing.

Accepting someone else offering you dinner or breakfast is almost like a connection of friendship, when you accept it or even say “i’ll have some’ you are letting the other person know in some form you will eat something because of their offer even if you are not too hungry. Sometimes eating together is a big thing, it keeps people together and actually seems to make bonds stronger at the dinner table. Some of you may say “no thanks” simply because you dont want to be seen as the person who pigs out, do not worry! These people are asking for a reason, this is why i think when someone treats you as a good guest with dinner and breakfast it is the start of a good friendship.

Now you may laugh at this concept but usually were used to demonizing the human race (laughs) but in this one scenario its a happy time when someone cares enough for you to offer you food and a place to stay even. This is one good sign of friendship even when you hardly know the person, the person is just looking out for you and its always a good feeling for you and the other person when you reply “yes i would love some thanks”. The person who offers feels happy to help and take you in, you yourself feel good and confident too.

Now i know that is one big story about food but it really does bring people together, just be honest, dont be scared to turn down something someone freely gives to you, just remember it makes them feel good they looked after you too. I also have other examples of the time where you need to be direct and honest just like this.

While honesty is also about avoiding lying/falseness its a chance to open up and prevent being the person you really aren’t, how many times have you lied when really you wanted to give the real answer of ‘yes’ or hidden things from people because you really wanted to be secretive?

Going one step further i had one episode where i could of been direct with someone, you see im quite knowledgable in some areas of life and because i know i should simply say I KNOW rather than I THINK. Sometimes when talking to someone or advising them its important to get the point over, the quicker and sooner you get the point over the better. So get to the bottom line faster with someone rather that beating around the bush and tell the answer, this prevents wasted time but also tells the person what to do much faster rather than giving an answer that really isnt an answer.

Here is an example of one point where i could of been direct with someone but wasnt: So i met this person who wanted to know why their partner would have cheated on them and i knew the very reason, in fact while cheating is a horrible thing you tend to be lenient but in this scenario it was infact the guys attitude that brought the end of his relationship, he was far too needy and had literally pushed his girlfriend into the arms of another man.

I had told him its likely she left him for another because of his attitude, he then came up with reasons that it was not his behaviour but since i know it is his behaviour and attitude i told him that i think its him with the issues, he was indeed very clingy and needy and it was painful to watch. Yet on his side he could not own up to it, whilst i could have been direct and told him to get his head sorted i would show sympathy. Now dont get me wrong i have sympathy for everyone who goes through hard times.

But in this case he was admitting his own problem and eventually i told myself “i better quit the beat around the bush stuff and tell him the real reason she left him”, and i did!! After all that time wasted speaking to him about why she ‘might’ have left i suddenly told “she left because of this…” and gave the reason. Eventually he respect me more for giving him the real answer.

So here is some important things to know; honesty and directness (whether blunt or not) does a few things:

  • Makes better friendship and trust between two people.
  • Helps you gain a better reputation and higher social status.
  • Helps the other other learn from their mistakes quicker.
  • You save yourself time and prevent wasting time.
  • Opens you up and skips the unecessary nonsense.
  • You gain confidence and earn new friends who respect you.

Why does the above happen? Because speaking up and being direct with people shows you to be honest and this earns respect and trust from others, they see that you KNOW rather than THINK, it means you show to be more confident in yourself and your knowledge/opinions.

As for simply being honest keep in mind if you lie you are missing out and you also avoiding mistakes, sometimes lies are necessary but lets be honest if your turning down an English Breakfast you just missed out on a chance to have something in common even if it is food! Remember friendship!

Thanks for reading.

~ Jay Rando

3 thoughts on “Straight to the Point, Be Direct & Honest

  1. Good post thanks. In principle I agree with you that honesty is extremely important, and also that it is sometimes a kindness to let others do something for us.

    The flip side is when being blunt becomes the point in itself, when there are times our behavior needs to be moderated for the situation. There is a part of the Confucian Analects where he addresses the ‘becloudings’ that can arise when we don’t combine the way we act with the love of learning (好信不好学,其蔽也贼;好直不好学,其蔽也绞).

    Of course everyone acting the way you recommend would be a vast improvement over much of our lives, but I would like to suggest that combined with honesty we should always act towards a purpose, and in general look for harmony – which it doesn’t need to be bought by lies.

  2. Hey Jay,

    Great subject, and at the crux of an interesting dilemma that I am in. So I have now met a wonderful girl that I am falling for (but only known for a month), she has made me realize some key characteristics things I was missing with my ex….Meanwhile yesterday my ex wanted to skype, and she wanted me to be the first person to know that she is coming back from being abroad (it sounds like she was terminated due to budgetary constraints), she was suppose to be back only for a couple of weeks (was planning on being back in December), but now will be permanently back. So my dillema is in how I handle this with my ex. and my new gal. As my new gal is somewhat guarded in the trust department, especially because she things I am still early getting out of a relationship. New gal knows about ex.situation, but doesn’t know she will be back in a couple of weeks on a permanent basis. And then my ex, I am thinking she will be heartbroken when she finds out that I have found someone new, but she won’t be back for a couple weeks and I would rather tell her in person.

    • Hey man, i feel you are putting too much emphasis on what the ex wants or needs and keeping an uneccesary friendship. It depends really where your heart is.

      I think you have something great here with the new girl if your already dating, show her she is with someone who can be trusted, just show her – dont tell her. She will likely be insecure for a while since she thinks your still invested in the ex, its just a matter of time for the new girl to trust you 100%.

      I wouldnt worry what the ex thinks, she left you, you owe her nothing. I myself would not even tell the ex about the new girl, none her business. She has to face the consquences of her actions for leaving you. If she is heartbroken she has brought it on herself, she cant expect you to be single forever. The new girl is probably just trying to understand why the ex is still in the picture with you and she is probably confused why your still talking to her etc. In other words your gonna have to choose one and id choose the new one. Good to see you back man, Good luck

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