Today specifically i want to talk about why being friends with the ex is a problem, not just any problem, its a very big problem in fact. You see being friends with the ex after breakup is actually the worst thing you can do for the following reasons:
- You need to heal and reflect.
- You need time to think logically about your position, right now you are thinking emotionally.
- You need to decide if your ex really deserves you or your time.
- You need to work out if your cheating (if you have) is worthy of another chance.
- You need to prevent messing up further your chances by being around the ex.
- You need to prevent being an option of your exes while they seek a new priority.
- You need to evade the risk of being replaced as the ex can have many choices.
- You risk giving your ex relationship benefits (i.e sex, kisses and compliments) while they are not with you.
- AND LASTLY, you cannot change or improve yourself while around the ex, it just doesnt work!
Now let me tell you declining friendship or deciding not to be friends is no mean, nasty or cold because being friends is a dangerous place especially when you have gone from the position of lover to just another person in their life. Ask yourself, who are you really? Are really happy with being titled the new friend or the new pal?? No way, you have been in the position of girlfriend/boyfriend once and you can again! So why settle for silver place when you can have the gold?
Now here is exactly what i mean by being the GOLD, whenever you stick around you are being silver because you are showing your ex you settle just for friendship or just simply ‘The person who picks up the pieces’. Now why would you want to be the one who pats the ex on the back for them leaving you? I mean even if your ex leaves you for good reason you should not be friends but simply accept that you need to improve and do it in NC (discussed in the next post).
The only difference is this:
1) If you did something bad to your ex (something extremely bad such as cheating or name calling) you apologize.
2) If the breakup has no extreme reason but your ex simply wasn’t feeling it then you dont apologize.
In either scenario you go into NC because it is the way for you to get yourself back healed and recovered, it is also the way in which you genuinely can improve. Lets be honest why stick around trying to prove to your ex you are worthy of their time and you have changed when you look like a puppy dog? Dont be the puppy waiting to be tossed a bone.
Say no to friendship, simply say “thanks but i dont think we should be friends” and go your own way. Even if your ex disagrees this about what you want, not what they want. And when they broke up with you they lost their rights to you. I mean is friendship so good you risk missing out on future reconcilation?
Remember if you remain friends with your ex just because they want it you are disrespecting yourself and your health by putting yourself through it, this is no longer about what they want but what you want and you ‘should’ want time away! Think logically about this. Even if you were to tell me “i can handle it” it does not matter because you already showing yourself to be a ‘lowly person’. You are indeed showing your ex that yourself and your own healing doesnt matter and you will be around while they can pickup and run at any time.
You may respond “well she the ex wont forget me by me sticking around and i can win them back” and i say this: you cannot win anyone back because they are not a possesion but a person with their own free will. So if you want your ex back respect they wanted to leave but also respect yourself that you need to heal and even if you think its good to stick around as a way to win them back i will only remind you how much time you have wasted because of the following reasons
- You cannot change around your ex no matter how much you think you can
- You are not understand that to get your ex back you must correct the problems
- You can not fix a relationship if the ex is not willing to including the ex being immature about it
- You may be being compared to the exes new lover, grab your ass and leave with dignity.
If for any reason you suspect you being compared then you must run, why stick around with some other person and fight over your ex? Even if someone else is not involved you can stick around being a friend and giving your ex everything but you are not their partner anymore, SO if you want your ex back dont settle for friendship because you are worth more.
LET me remind you, if you avoid friendship you avoid making further mistakes that push you ex away for good, i mean do you really want to push your ex into the arms of someone else? Furthermore if you did stay around for friendship i can guarantee one of you will end up wanting something the other person doesnt want, do not risk silver place otherwise you are playing around with friendzone and some are stuck there permanently.
Please read my next post about ‘NO Contact’ and why it should be followed to the T and why it will help you in the long term in everything you do, and YES it will help get the ex back. Thanks for reading.