Well isn’t this the million dollar question? Now let me start of by saying breakups usually occur because there are multiple issues or problems that built up over a period of time prior to the breakup, this means a breakup where they left you is down to many different reasons which added together to cause the end of your relationship, to put a time line on it lets just say it was the last 2 or 3 months of the relationship.
So what were the problems? Did i have issues or was it all my exes fault? Well first of all the best route to always take is that it is no ones fault, a breakup occurs because one person usually isnt happy in the relationship, so that means respect that the other person may be unhappy and that is mainly the very reason they left. Now dont make this about you, dont think they left because your a terrible person or even because they are a horrible person. Its easy to point the blame but at the end of it all it takes two to tango no matter how ugly or peaceful the breakup was.
So is there anything that springs to your mind? Anything at all? Did you fight often? Argue? Or was it a clean breakup? Look at this list of common issues and tell me if you think any of them apply to you or the other person:
- Too much of a pushover
- Lacking confidence
- Lazy and unambitious
- Not ready to settle down
- Anger problems or abusive
- Unable to commit
- Going no where in life
- Not putting in an equal shift
There are just some vague possibilities that caused the end of your relationship and let me tell you if any of the above applied to you probably lacked attraction somewhere, lets be honest, why would someone leave you? They left because they lost attraction. Why would you leave someone? Because you dont find the other person attractive. Whether this is because of a loss of feeling or simply saying to yourself logically “we are not compatible even if i have feelings”.
So whilst any of the above may apply to you discover where it is you may have lacked, then find it in your partner too. Lets be honest you cant have a good relationship if any of the above come into it, someone who is needy is only going to put their partner off, someone who is not going to commit may put the other off simply because one wants to get married and finally, when you have anger problems it is best solving those problems on your own without the ex. Why? Because you cannot solve any of the above problems in a flash and you cannot do it while around the ex.
Know this: if you want to fix a relationship your going in the wrong direction, a relationship can only be fixed if the dumper wants to fix it. The other person dumped the dumpee because they no longer want the relationship, so if your what we would consider the dumpee then you have a chance to use this time away from the ex to become someone better, someone new, someone who knows their value. Because lets be honest it doesnt matter trying to fix the relationship if the other person no longer wants it, what does matter is spending some time to yourself away from the ex and changing the very things that caused the breakup in the first place.
Always know that even if your ex broke up with you as a person you are still attractive and still have value, it is only that you became less attractive to the ex. Most likely your ex has a lot of power over you and this is proven only by their decision to leave you. In the next posts I will talk about why avoiding friendship after breakup is a good thing and why having a plan of strategy is everything, that strategy is ‘No Contact’. For more information on No Contact (NC) please read my blog post about it, it goes into depth of its purpose and how to use it properly.