When we react to someone who provokes us or gives us reason to reply or respond responding in specific ways actually gives the other person more power: including power over you. Any form of responding to someone else is attention for them, its hard to get your head around but its true. In the last 4 years I learnt in Psychology that responding to someone who tries to provoke you is just giving them attention and that attention is seen as them having an effect on you which then means you handing power over to the other person. How do you deal with a child who disrespects you or act badly behaved, do you reward them? Definite no. If your brother or sister acts horrible to you and tries to provoke you what does acting angry or sad to it show to them? It shows you care. You care about what said person thinks of you. It is normal to feel hurt when someone provokes us but the best way to deal with it is actually to ignore them.
Ignoring is a bad thing but when used in the right way it is powerful as it shows two things, security in oneself and a sense of knowing who and what is worth your time. A person who is trying to provoke you in a way is a waste of time because they are not being productive nor are they adding something valuable, rather the peroson is making a big fool out of themselves. Helping the other person to realize their mistake is done by ignoring bad behaviour in this context. On the first time you would tell them to pack it in or stop it, or maybe you would tell them to grow up. But its up to you that if this happens twice the best thing you can do is ignore and dont feed the trouble they have caused. Do not reward them with a reply, no not reward them with any attention simply ignore it like they are wasting your time and you have no time for someone such as this.
What is meant by this is that Self Control is detrimental to how cool and calm you are and that you will not flip off the handle in some situations by having control of yourself even if you are affected by what someone said or did to purposely provoke you. Self Control also allows you to say NO to things more often and be sternly assertive without being swayed by something that sounds good but isn’t all that good. When you start to have more control over your life others will NOT be the ones making your choices nor controlling/manipulating you with provocative actions.
Remember that self control brings out the best in you and it also teaches others, it also shows a secure side of you that is not phased. The ones who are and telling you what you can or cant do will be silenced by your action once you prove them wrong – it starts to become more interesting when you are more aware of stimulus and response because you will start grabbing your own power as a person if you put pauses between responding.
Stimulate a pause in between each reaction when you respond/answer the next time you go out, give yourself time to respond, it makes you seem and feel more comfortable in your skin and you will act less impulsive. It also allows you to respond in a happy manner rather than in a hostile manner, do you want to respond in a victimized way or a way that shows that it doesn’t bother you? Do not give others power over you by responding the way a victim would, if it is something disrespectful you may simply say “wow how very disrespectful of you” and smile. Sometimes the tone is important compared to the words. This actually makes the other person acknowledge their mistake. Cool, calm and collected is always the way for self control, accept what is said but react slowly and in the right way instead of doing so impulsively.
Remember every time someone says something you either don’t like or disagree with do not respond quickly, delay your response and instead this will help you create a better RESPONSE rather than an impulsive one or one full of anger or sadness. Sometimes the tone is just as important, a quick hostile response can indicate the person doesn’t like what was said to them and has affected them, if the other person knows it has affected you emotionally you have almost handed power to them i.e you can do this to me and have this effect on me. Instead do not react.
While your standing up for what is right you must also be in control of what you say and what you react to, it is imperative. I have gotten to the point where when someone intentionally tries to hurt me I simply believe the other person is afraid of me because if they were not afraid of me why would they attack me in the first place?
They attack you simply to put you down and they put you down to put them self higher. People who love power over others will insult and attack whether directly or indirectly, the main target of these kind of people are the ones they secretly feel afraid of. You see when I go out I am one of the quieter of my bunch of friends but when i used to go out i was very quiet, i am not shy however and I do speak when I want to. But when confronted with new people someone may say something such as “you are so quiet” and i would simply say back “i know”. Now if you are quiet to the point of REALLY quiet then they may have a point but usually the one that brings it up is actually insecure and feels threatened by the quiet person, the strong silent types do witness this a lot because they are usually showing confidence this way and many people do not know this. If i was not a strong silent type i am telling you now i would not get the girls! haha.
I respond slowly all the time and when I want, I prefer this because it shows i am calm and i’m not out to impress anyone. Sometimes even the loud mouths of the group feel insecure because there are people in the group who are also social like me but just choose to speak every now and then rather than all the time to feel center of attention. The person simply wants to put negative attention on someone else feels threatened, the said person does this to achieve top spot in a group status.
You can always tell when there is someone who longs for power and wants to take it from you, they are usually loud and call you out on many things that are pointless, they look to grab lots of light by using tools (metaphorically ironic) around them if they can. Having self control means you will not argue back which thus makes you look less of a victim of the person calling you stuff or putting negativity on you, instead it is almost like showing “i do not care, have fun but it doesn’t affect me”.
When it comes to someone telling you what you can or cant do or making choices for you simply tell them “i do this my way not yours” and there you have taken your power back and not let someone dictate what your capable of power-wise. Do not thrive for power over others, only thrive for the power within you, the potential you can have in this life.