Avoid Arguing, Just be Calm


calm lake

Many of us argue with loved ones over petty arguments, its just part of human nature and all want to be right, strong, respected or simply seen as a person whose opinion is important whilst others aren’t. But you see that is the exact problem that pops up when we argue with others. We tend to think our opinion matters more than theirs or we simply let our EGO get the best of us.

The two most common ways we argue is when we feel attacked or someone has hurt us, another is when someone else simply disagrees with us on something we have done or said. Whilst arguing is normal arguing all the time is not and can ruin a relationship or friendship you have with anyone, that is why its important that if your in this situation right now you focus on creating peace between you are the other person.

So how do you handle an argument? When an argument starts simply be CALM and realize the argument is not worth your time arguing over, keep the EGO under check as well as your feelings towards the situation. Simply tell the other person you do not want to argue because you would rather not stress your relationship further, simply walk away from this situation as soon as possible. If the other person is intent on arguing you must simply tell the other person it is not your interest to argue over something that isn’t worth it.
Because lets be serious; is arguing more important than the relationship you have with this person since arguing is deteriorating the bond you have?

You may ask, how can i be so calm when this person has attacked me or disagreed with something i did? The answer is that in this situation their arguement is caused by their opinion which clashes with yours. simply accept their opinion, why? Because their opinion is their opinion and you cannot change it regardless of whether its wrong or something you don’t like (that includes insults). Accepting does not mean allow yourself to be disrespected it simply means do not get involved with fighting it out with someone who is full of anger and hatred. So accept their opinion and comments, don’t let it bother you. The only thing you can do here is walk away from the situation and tell the other person you don’t want to argue about something silly.

An opinion or disagreement should not be taken to heart because the person is stating what one feels or thinks of a situation, this is like their human right, they are allow to have their own view on something. Promoting the hatred by further argument though, i would not promote it, a clash of EGOs or a clash of two people arguing to win an argument will never happen. Two opinions that clash is not a fight that can be won unless one changes their opinion. If one of you has an opinion you consider wrong, an opinion cannot be wrong but a fact can be. So always take into consideration you cannot change them and in this case you shouldn’t want to, arguing with someone is almost like telling the other person your opinion matters more.

No ones opinion matters more than the other, facts are important but opinions should be accepted no matter what. A person who walks away from arguments because one does not want to win is the sign of someone who accepts opinions of others and doesn’t feel the need to be right because there was no right in the first place. Keep in mind that if you arguing because you did something wrong then you would take the same approach but tell the other person you were sorry for hurting them, once that is done arguing should blow down. During arguing spend time apart to reflect and to relax, arguing is not worth our time, anything further than disagreement is a waste of time. You can also agree to disagree or simply understand the other person if it doesn’t conflict directly with your opinion. If for any reason the argument is caused by disrespect wait for an apology but do not ask for one unless the other person does not understand what an apology is.

Thanks for reading.

~Jay Rando

10 thoughts on “Avoid Arguing, Just be Calm

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  4. Good information! What I’m referring to specifically is a fight over something silly/trivial. We both know it’s stupid but in the heat of the moment we get upset. Unfortunately, the way we react to being upset forces us to react differently and that tends to lead to turning a small argument into a larger one.

    • The best thing always is to sacrifice the power of the argument even a long while after, in that sense we should just act like the argument doesn’t bother us and move on from it.

      I had a similar problem with my last gf. If we had a trivial fight i would be okay after some time apart but she would be angry still and ask for an apology when one wasn’t needed – in that situation i didn’t feed her ego with an apology because i did nothing wrong to begin with. Unless it was caused by ‘disrespect’ or an ‘overreaction’ there is no right or wrong in any disagreement.

      The first person to drop the argument actually teaches the other how to behave too.

      Thank you for commenting.

  5. Interesting post! What do you suggest someone does when they react different to becoming upset? When I get mad, I want to be alone to cool off but my girlfriend becomes really needy when she becomes upset. As a result, when something bad occurs it is amplified by our inability to resolve the issue on our own.

    • If what you mean is she wont let you have your own space to cool down and chases you when you back off, you must tell her to have patience and respect your decision to have time out. She should not get upset if you wish to have time to think and reflect on your own.

      In the case of her being upset/her having a downer day providing her with love and security will help. This goes if the argument is more of a misunderstanding; cuddling and kissing is the easiest way to move past it all. If an argument was due to a partner doing something bad (e.g being horrible) then you would take a different approach altogether.

      Most of our life problems must be addressed by ourselves. If she has created her own problem such as being too needy or too dependent that is something only she can really work on and overcome herself through life. Many people avoid their own insecurity problems and simply need them to be pointed out for them for direction. That way we can all grow as people.

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