7 Signs She Likes You

Attractive Girl

Hi everyone, there is one big question that comes to many of us throughout life, that is >“Does she like me?”. I thought I would share with you all the signs a girl shows you when she likes you, I have decided to go into depth for you. The more signs you are getting from one girl the more chance she is interested. Here are the 7 BIG signs that she is into you:

1) She looks at you and brings attention to herself.

This first sign with anyone is usually when she looks at you, it shows that she is enjoying looking at you and that you have her attention and this goes especially if she has started to this all of a sudden. If she’s looking at you with dreamy eyes or a seductive look this is a giveaway signs she feels something for you. Its just as positive when a girl smiles at you, some girls may simply look at you without any kind of emotion. She will look at you as a way to communicate that you have her interest and that you can approach/talk to her. On that note girls will walk past you several times and into your personal space as well just to get your attention so they are noticed.

Some other ways she will bring attention to herself are: Dressing more nicely all of a sudden, making her hair look cute, putting on perfume and putting more makeup on. This is simply her way of looking good for you usually, whether that person is you is something for you to work out. If she has always looked good and smart then its likely she is not trying to impress anyone but herself.

2) She is self conscious when around you.

Unless she is a very shy reserved type of girl this is another great sign she might be interested. By ‘self conscious‘ I mean she seems bothered about how she looks infront of you or at least around someone she likes. If you caught her looking at you she may look away quickly, this is a good sign as it indicates she was trying to hide her interest from you, this shows self conscious behavior; she didn’t want to look like some crazy stalker who got caught by you and she may be scared of her own feelings.

One big sign is if she actually blushes around you or goes red in the face (acts embarrassed). She may also giggle at little things you say even if it is not funny, it is a sign her feelings are heightened around you and she cant maintain her her usual composure around you. Other signs can include her being jumpy or quiet around you. Her being quiet around you is because she would rather not speak out and make any silly mistakes in front of you. When doing something that requires confidence in front of others (e.g doing a presentation) she may sometimes take a glance to see if your around and listening/looking, this is because she cares about what you think of her. Regardless of what she is doing she does not want to screw up in front of you, she is trying to look her best in any situation so you think highly of her.

She may also when in your presence try to fix her hair up which is one of those very common actions girls do when they are self conscious and try to make themselves look better around you, it is a preening gesture girls do to flaunt off their hair/looks.

3) She gets your attention in more forward ways.

Girls who are more confident or more comfortable with guys may be more forward and more flirty in general, however she may still not be able to act or behave herself around someone she likes. She may still be more outgoing in her flirty approach but she will ‘unconsciously’ show attraction; this means her touching you/hitting you softly, calling you funny pet names, complimenting you and teasing you in general. Sometimes girl themselves don’t know why they are flowing with this kind of energy.

There are cases where a girl will be mean to you and may seem alittle cold toward you; understand that whether she hates your guts is not the main focus because she is still trying to get your attention by being cold, its up to you to work out if there is more to it. ‘Usually’ if a girl is cold or mean to you its down to 3 things; she doesnt know how to express her feelings and instead tries to hide them by being mean to you. She may do it as a way to see if you can handle her cold behavior, girls will test you to see if you can put up with it. And lastly if for any reason she feels rejected by you she may also be putting out a cold persona to justify the rejection she feels even if you did not reject her. However i reiterate: if the girl is really rude in a unnecessary way then I don’t suggest dating such a girl in the first place.

Sometimes girls will pretend they do not care, pretending they don’t miss you etc but if this happens simply take it on the chin, act cool and ignore it.

She may also get jealous or sad if she sees you with other girls, this comes down to the fact that she doesn’t feel as important as the other girls. Simply be yourself when this happens, do what you always do but don’t purposely make the girl jealous (it hurts).

4) She seems excited to see you and talks to you a lot.

Once you get to know a girl, whether she is your friend or whether she is someone you recently have gotten to know you may notice she seems really smiley, hyper or excited to see you when you show up and this is a very good sign that she is attracted. She may also put on a soft joyful feminine voice which is more of a unconscious thing girls do when attracted to guys.

She may also try to speak to you alot and ask you many questions about yourself, why? Because she wants to know more about you, why does she want to know about you? Because she considers you a long term person in her life, she would like to know what makes you tick and what your hobbies and interests are. Why does she consider you long term? Well its obvious right? She sees a potential future with you regardless. So if shes talks to you a lot and asks personal questions about yourself and laughs/smiles at things you say this is a very good sign, she would hardly talk to a guy about such matters if he was just friend material.

5) She spends most of her time around you or with you.

It is likely that if she speaks to you a lot she also hangs around with you quite often too, she is doing that for a reason. The main thing to do here is to look out for whether she puts herself into a position of being around you a lot purposely, by this I mean is she dropping time with her friends because she’d rather be around you? Is she also giving up her free time to spend it with you?

Another big sign is if you are the only person in a certain place at a certain time and you keep seeing her all of a sudden in this same place, consider if she is doing this as a way to be around you more. Some girls will even take up the same hobby as you or show interest in it just to have something in common with you, some like to keep bumping into you to act like it was a coincidence you bumped into each other. The reason for this is not just so you notice her it is also because she is starting to get more comfortable with being around you and when this happens it is usually a sign she wants to be asked out, she is putting you into situations where you can potentially ask her out.

In rare cases she may herself ask you to go out at the weekend where she may make the meeting seem casual when really she just wants to go on a date with you. So keep an eye out on her, does she follows you around everywhere? If she does it’s because she’d rather be with you. Is she hinting at going to an event with you when she talks to you? Does she talk of a future with you?

When a girl sees you as a positive influence in her life she will tend to copy things you do whether it is conscious or unconscious, it may eventually become a habit for her; so if you look one way and she looks that way too a split second later she is mimicking your habit because she feels close to you.

6) She talks to her friends about you or her friends involve you.

She may begin to talk about you to her family and friends. She is more likely to speak to her friends about the cute guy she is interested in, girls always share secrets with friends and if they dont their friends eventually work it out on their own anyway.

Regardless of whether her attraction for you is conscious or unconscious her girl friends will call her out on it and most likely tease her about. In some cases her friends may blurt it out to you, they may also keep it a secret but give you hints. Its always good to look at the behavior of her friends because they will likely give it away through their actions. Also if you happen to hear a rumor going around that she does like you its very likely true.

Her friends/family may put you into situations where you hang with the girl and with them as a group. If she seems forward in introducing you to her friends and family this is also a big sign she values you as a person, in other words she wants to show you off to her family and friends.

7) She is extra nice to you, remembers things about you AND generally cares about you.

This point speaks for itself; if she really is interested in you she also cares about you to some degree. If she is looking out for you, sticking up for you and generally being nice to you its a big sign she may like you. You can tell if her niceness is attraction because she usually doesnt treat her other guys friends the same as you; by this i mean you are the only guy getting this ‘special treatment’.

So if she is caring about you even on small issues’ like helping you do any home-work and willing to help you complete it she may simply want to show you that she would be a great girlfriend. She will also remember things about you such as your birthday, so if you have a hunch she is remembering things to impress you its likely she is.

Some other signs: Whenever you haven’t been around you may notice she misses you and whenever your sad she will try to cheer you up, she may also give you little gifts to surprise you (i.e baking you a cake). If she is the caring type she will usually do anything you want and listen to whatever you say. If she is doing anything you want I think its time you started asking yourself whether she does likes you because if you ask me it sounds like she does!

When a girl is around an attractive masculine guy she will respond in her own way, while women are hardwired similar they are also individuals and will show interest in their own own individualized way. If you are still unsure on whether a woman likes you please feel free to ask me and drop a short comment 🙂For Quick Advice Click Here

Note: If you are wishing to increase your success with women you can now get my new book; The Men’s Guide to Avoiding Friend Zone with Women

547 thoughts on “7 Signs She Likes You

  1. What can my wife do with a guy that dont wane stop text har that I love you and staf like that place help me

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  3. I hung out with this girl I really like one on one for the first time last week. We had hung out in groups before. I asked her to hang on a wed and she said she couldn’t but then said she could thurs. we had a good time together I think. She is a fairly shy withdrawn person. She doesn’t party or go out often. More of a homebody book worm type. She was sitting really really close to me and when I put my arm around her she didn’t really do anything. She just let me keep it there for 2 mins. When I took her home I asked her if she wanted to get dinner when she gets back from her trip. She said yes so now I’m just waiting until she is back. Should I call her when she is back?she is not a big txter which isn’t that big of a deal really. I feel dumb cause I wasn’t clear exactly what day when I asked her to dinner so now I have to re ask her which is kinda a mess up but oh well.

  4. Hi guys. I just wanted get some advice as last days I am quite confused. I apologize for my English as it is not my first language.
    I meet very nice girl in meditation centre. She is lovely, kind, beautiful, intelligent.
    From first moments we liked each other and spent lots of time together discussing, laughing, being good friends. I noticed some time ago that she was quite present whenever I went and I was the person she liked to talk with most. We also started email each other on almost daily basis for quite long time. Three weeks ago when I was on holiday in my country she wrote to me that it sound lovely to be where I am right now which I took as friendly comment. Then When I came back during weekend studying she basically showed me all the signs 5 of 6 that she really likes me. She was looking at me constantly even when chatting with handsome guys. When I looked back she immediately gazed down(few times). She was changing her hairstyle while approaching me, smiling all the time to me, sitting opposite me all the time or appearing always where I had been. We had wonderful time talking with each other too.
    She could not leave the event although I knew she had some appointments with old friends. It was so clear that she likes me. I dont know how it could be more apparent.
    Some time ago we agreed to go together to beautiful side and now was time to ask for that. So we went following weekend just two of us. Beginning was nice. We talked a lot about everything. I felt big tension as I wanted really say to her what I feel. I did not manege that day. I think she felt tension too. Last hours we spent together was fun as at the beginning.
    Next day I called her and asked if she wants to go out fir coffe/dinner. She asked are you inviting me for a date? To which I answered yes. I know its not ideal to do it on a phone. Then she said that she is thinking about us as friends, close friends. Of course I had to ask what happened between us week ago to which she did not give me clear answer. She said she is not rejecting me for 100%. I that at least some part of storm passed away. When I asked her to explain me whet she means she wrote me that things change as its nature of reality( true) but for now she wants just be friends.
    I suffered but I accepted her decision. I also decided to stepped back for a while and see what will happen. Then she started write to me again those nice friendly messages we were exchanging for few months. I dont know what to do, whether I should just be friends as we were before (if thats possible), shall I forget about her? Part of me is thinking she is not ready. She has some problems with visa(Canadian living in London) and overstayed in UK. She might be forced to return to her country. Also she is extremly busy with work lately, etc. I dont know if those reasons means anything anyway. What do you think guys? Shall I give up on her or give her some time?

  5. Here’s some more info to maybe shed a little light on the situation she’s legally divorced from her spouse her my best friend my best friend tells me she’s trying to work her relationship problems out but yet her spouse wants nothing to do with her but when she’s around me I see it differently but I don’t know what’s the big picture is, and one last thing I hadn’t seen her in a few days cause I was ill and when I saw her today she was so filled with joy to see me she immediately ran up to me and gave me a humongous hug again I’m so confused thanks for listening.

  6. Hi jay, I’ve something to ask you that I’ve been wondering well I have this girl that’s a friend of mine and let me say that she’s married but yet her marriage for a while now has been having major problems with her spouse from his basically not caring for her anymore and she goes to the gym I go to so we always see each other but yet when she’s around me she seems to be extremely happy always talking/flirting but not to an extreme extent as to cheat she always talks to me seems to kinda want to be around me while I work out she gets really upset and kind of jealous when I look at a girl or one comes to talk to me always wondering who I like in the gym I get the feeling that she really likes me but yet she’s married and me being a religious person I would never do anything to interfere with her marriage I just listen when she talks and am a really good friend to her and coming from a person who doesn’t really have girls as friends other than if I’m dating them I feel really comfortable with this girl and actually surprised myself by being a friend to her she just makes me feel really good in general a feeling I haven’t felt in a long time but yet like I said she’s married so for me the line stops there, maybe you could just give me some advice on what to do and where you think it’s going if anywhere at all thank you and I appreciate your time.

  7. Just looking for an answer so would someone mind answering..?

    I really like this girl that I’ve known for about 2 years, and I don’t know if she likes me back.

    I never really noticed this (cause I’m an idiot) but every time she sees me she runs up to me and gives me a hug … and not just like a 2 second hug, usually its like 10+ seconds. I’ve also noticed she usually only hugs me, and not anyone else really.

    Next few things are things that happened once and not occasional/everyday”

    -She came to me for protection when a few guys were teasing her and got really close to me.
    -We were at a football game for the high school and it was getting really cold and I had a giant scarf (12feet, don’t ask why lol) and she got really close to me and we somewhat cuddled with a huge scarf wrapped around us.
    -We texted eachother one day for about 12+ hours straight just talking about random stuff, and now we usually text everyday or so.

    Things that happen frequently:
    -She hugs me all the time.
    -She messes with my hair, as if its an excuse to touch me … hmm …
    -We talk almost every day.
    -She tries to get my attention sometimes, I realized that if I don’t notice her immediately when walking in the hallway, instead of trying to get my attention, she instead passes me and continues to walk in front of me until I confront her.
    -She sometimes chooses to hang out with me over her friends, depending on the situation. We are both in band and our band hosts these competitions and we usually guard doors together, and when she sees a friend she just says hi and stays with me.

    Also, when I talk to her she usually smiles, and most of the time laughs at my jokes, even if they are stupid.

    I was talking to her one time, and some other annoying girl (who I know likes me but I don’t like her, but she is oblivious … and mean) came up to me and hugged me as we were talking. She looked so sad, and to make matters worse the annoying girl said “I love you”, and the girl I liked just frowned and started to walk away. I just said “cool”, and managed to break free of her grasp and ran up to the girl I like, and she looked really happy.

    I don’t know what else to say, other things have happened, but they aren’t as important and I feel this comment if getting extremely big. So, if its enough info, please help 🙂

    • She basically loves you,wish the girl i like was like that 🙁 she laughs at my jokes and talks to me and most times when i stop chatting…she says so…and wants me to talk to her…ur lucky bro
      Heres my kik i need your advice… Zhia_J69
      Add me 🙂 my fb is : zhia saman

  8. So my situation might be kind of strange for some people but please don’t judge :). So I spend a lot of my time online making videos and talking to my online friends. Recently I think I’ve developed a crush on one of my internet friends and I’m trying to figure out if she would like me back. I know that we wouldn’t be able to date so I’m not looking for a serious relationship, I’m just curious if maybe she has a crush on me too. I have been talking to this girl I met online for about 6 months now and we talk quite often. Recently we’ve started taking every day (we have in the past too but then we got busy). She has been starting the conversations for the past few days and asking me to skype. We pretty much talk on the phone for hours every night and last night we stayed up until 1am talking on the phone and it was a school night. She said she was tired and I even said she could go to sleep if she wanted, and she said “no I’m staying up just for you”. Which I think was meant not too seriously but she stayed up an hour later after that and all she was doing was talking to me. We talk alone and we rarely text but it seems like she wants to talk to me everyday. We both have similar interests in gaming and we both make YouTube videos. She laughs at my jokes and sometimes when I say something that’s not even funny. She seems really energetic and happy to talk to me 🙂 This next summer I will be going to the state where she lives and we’re trying to plan everything out so that we can meet for the first time. I try to make references like “I can’t wait to see you in person” and stuff like that but she usually replies In a text like “yeah” or something but I think that’s just how she is. It’s hard to tell if she likes me because I try to be sweet and stuff occasionally but she doesn’t show much affection. But when we talk on the phone about meeting up she seems excited and we talk about it often, it just seems like she doesn’t want to reveal how she feels. We’re both good friends so it would be really hard to tell her I like her or something because I really enjoy taking to her and don’t want to lose her. She sometimes talks about hot guys at her school with me and I’m not sure why. I talk to her about very personal problems in my life and she said she would always be there for me if I need someone to talk to. She once told me that she met someone exactly like me in person and apparently he was very attractive. Her friends know that I talk to her often. Every night for the past few days she asks if I can’t talk then I get on skype and we talk for hours. Do you think she likes me or is just a friend. It’s very hard for me to read her signals.
    I’m trying to find out because if she likes me back then I might just end up telling her. Thanks for your help!

    • Just friends. She liked the attention you were giving her by talking to her for hours. Plus, she brought up other guys that she was attracted. You should leave her a lone for awhile and maybe she would like you back eventually. Let her respond back to you first. Just my opinion.

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  11. I need help. I had a huge crush on this girl I worked with. She pursued me. We started talking. Then one day she told me she had a boyfriend but she told me she might break up with him because he cheated. She broke up with him. we talk a lot more after that. We started hanging out,going on dates. She Was always all over me. I finally made a move and made out with her. After she called her-self a whore. I brought her home when we got to her house she ask “so are we friends with benefits” I was like “sure” and we kissed again haha. I texted her when I got home. she said something about let see how things work out (date?). The next day she texted me “why did you kiss me?” I told her that I felt that she wanted me to(because she was all over me). She told me she doesnt want anything right now but she likes me. We hung out again and we cuddled and we’re having fun didn’t kiss her when I left. I texted her the next day and asked her what we we’re and she said just friends. We saw each other at work she would try to talk to me I would ignore her. Then she started ignoring me. Months go by of not talking. Then she would fine little ways to talk to me and I would just a asshole to her and ignore her. Finally I talk to her and Teel I’m sorry for the way I acted towards her. Over this past year we’ve been fighting then making up. I don’t know why she keeps forgiving me. Ive asked her out a couple of times but she would always avoid it. A year later, we’re good friends and talk all the time, but it’s low key really awkward if you think about because of our history. But I have this feeling that she’s trying to make me jealous. Always saying other guys are hot around me and how all these hit on her all the time and flirting with other guys around me. She has to know all that shit bothers me.i act like i dont care and I feel like she’s flirting with me always smiling and doing nice things for me. I’m probably gunna start avoiding her because I’m tried of playing these games. Someone tell me if she likes me or if we are just friends. I still like her a lot. I’m done waiting.

      • Okay, haha why would she wanna be friends after all we’ve been through? When we work together she always wants to talk to me. It’s really weird to me.

        • When you texted her the day after you cuddled she told you that your just friends. It’s all but impossible to escape the friend zone. You kept asking her out and she avoided answering (that means no). She wants to stay friends with you because she likes you as a friend.
          If you think I’m wrong ask her. If you don’t want to be friends with her then tell her.
          When she told you that your only friends you got mad and stopped talking to her. So she waited until you weren’t mad and refriended you. Either you dont make the right moves on her or she ignores them.
          I see loads of mistakes: 1 she called herself a whore. If she isn’t you should have told her so. You should have told her that you like her.
          2 friends with benefits is bullshit. That’s when you should have asked her out.
          3 when she asked why you kissed her you passed up another chance to tell her that you want to be with her.
          4 don’t wait so long to find out if you still have a chance. Maybe the next guy she thinks is hot will ask her out.
          5 you caused your own pain. It’s not her fault you didn’t tell her how you feel. It’s your fault. Man up or move on.
          If you have more questions leave a reply

    • I also get attracted towards handsome guy. He is very talented handsome looking and smart guy I like him very much. I am so emotional towards him. But only thing is that he is my professor and can’t do anything so sad and he got married.I had feelings for him. I like to talk very much and express my feelings.Everytime I used to see him in my classes.we both look towards each other maintain eye contact.Sometimes I used to give compliment to him . suddenly I got attracted towards him and I also make him happy scoring good marks in subjects. Finally I luv him a lot and I used to dress up well so that his attention will be focused on me.

  12. I love her. Im a freshman in HS. I saw her and fell in love with her. We started talking and we became fast friends. We didn’t hang out or anything but I fell in love. Then one day, I messed something up. I flirted with her too far and now she won’t even talk to me. Everyone at my school talks about how we should be together. We both openly say that’s a bad idea, but I know that I like her. I want to get her back. I want to know what happened. All Im saying is, how can I get her back? I know I’m still young but she kept my hopes up and backed off. It’s not like she’s mean or anything, but she just stopped. Plz help. Thanks in advance.

  13. Hey people!!
    So there’s this girl I like at work and we have been friends for a long time. I have always liked her and want to ask her out but add raise of rejection and I don’t want to make things weird!
    So she smiles a lot we laugh a lot she always asked me to take breaks with and we tell each other everything. The other day she asked if I would go to lunch with her and a bunch of girls from work. So I did. She askes me if I saw her facebook picture, she comes to me for parenting advice and the list goes on. I know it sounds like duh…. But I don’t like rejection and want to ask her out. I don’t know how she is with other guys or people so I don’t know if she is just flirty or what. Advice please! Am I being crazy ?

    • I think she was giving you a hint by saying, have you seen her facebook picture? She wanted you to compliment or put some sort of comment. Just be casual and talk to her and ask her out to lunch one day. Then when she starts to act more friendly and happy around you and reciprocating your action like asking you out to lunch and doing favors for you then that will be a good chance to ask her out to be your girlfriend. I hope this helps.

    • All this faffing about is pointless man up and just ask them out if you like them coz life’s too short to be asking does she or don’t she!!! if you get rejected then cut her loose out your life move on its simple I don’t do friends with women, if they try to friend zone me I just simply ignore them for months until they come running to me then they are putty I then take them to bed and after that cut contact for good it’s a good lesson for her to learn friends mean nothing to a guy, if she doesn’t let you bed her then bed her sister or her closest friend and cut her loose either way it’s always win win situation…

  14. It’s ‘subconscious’ not ‘unconscious’. If people could do things while they’re unconscious, they would be amazing.

  15. Ok, so theres this girl that I’ve liked for a while, and we ride the same bus. I have made other friends which she also thinks as friends and I talk to them alot, but she doesn’t talk to me very often, even though we see eachother all the time. So, after school, I was riding my bus home, and I was sitting in the seat across from her. I laid my head back, trying to sleep, but I couldn’t. So, I open my eyes (too quickly, I guess) and I see that she’s taking a picture of me (or something around me) nwith her phone. I’m guessing she took the picture right after I woke because she looked at her phone, glanced at me, then quickly turned her head toward the window. At first I thought of talking to her about it, but I blew it off and went back to sleep. A few minutes later, I woke up, and she was still across from me, but she seemed uneasy. Biting her lip, crossing her legs, glancing around. Every time I looked at her and she looked back, she stared at the window for a second. This went on a few minutes, then I got off at my stop. I walked inside my house and instantly went here to post this. I’m thinking about talking to her about this tomorrow, but I don’t want to embarass her or anything. Should I? If you are reading this, PLEASE, tell me how I should react to this…

    • I’m a girl, but u shouldn’t embarrass her. Girls do that to show a boy that she likes him. Kind of like how boys hit/punch girls if they like them. And trust me, if u make a mistake in not embarrassing her, at least u wont mess up as much as I have. My crush is all bad on the inside but is shy on the outside. I have been acting bad on the outside in front of him when I’m really shy. DONT EMBARRASS HER!

      • What the fuck? Boys hit/punch girls when they like them? I don’t know what sort of morons you surround yourself with, but men generally don’t hit the women they like.

  16. Hi. So there is a girl I like and she likes me as well. We aren’t dating because she thinks of dating as a distraction from school. (Can’t argue with that). Anyway, I have three questions: I want to do something like hold her hand or put my arm around her, but would it be appropriate considering our relationship, and how would I do it, what would I do if she rejects it?

    • I’m a girl, btw, and to put ur arm around her shoulder, just yawn or fake yawn. I’m pretty sure you have seen that in movies. If she rejects it, go find another girl. For her hand, just get urs next to hers and touch her hand. If she pulls away, just say ” sorry, I wanted to see if ur hand was clean…. And it is! Nice washing hand job!” Or something corny like that.

  17. Hello,, I need an answer to my situation !! there is this girl we took a class together and we start talking and hangout with group of people and I took her phone number then we start texting a lot all the summer and in the next semester we see each other all the time I mean a lot and we went couple dates she is happy with me and smiling all the time I really like her then after 3 months of dating she told that she has a boyfriend I don’t know is it test ! we said we need to stop hangout but we still hangout but she is a little bit different and I told her that I love her !! we took pictures a lot had a good times we trust each other but I don’t if she loves me but hides it

    • I’m a girl… And dude! If she has a boyfriend, do u see him? If u dont, she probably doesn’t, or is long distance dating ( probably not). Could be a test. If she does have a boyfriend, and u do see him, slowly drift away from her. Hang with ur friends more, stop texting/calling her and let her go.

  18. Hi jay
    I got a problem:
    There’s this girl i like, and I tried to talk to her but I chickened out. How can I get stronger at trying to talk to her. Sometimes my friends push me towards her, but when they do that she isn’t looking at me. A couple days ago, I kinda saved her from a football. She was walking through and she looked at me when I was about to throw the football, so I let her pass through. How do I talk to her!

    • To get stronger, talk to other girls that you aren’t attracted to or any girl that you feel comfortable to speak to. That can build up confidence for you because you are having casual conversations with different types of girls and then slowly move towards talking to the girl of your interest. Just be yourself.

    • I’m a girl ( dont judge me, not a stalker) and jay is at the ” seven signs he likes you” website….so…..yeah….. AND BOYS, IF U LIKE A GIRL DONT WAIT FOR HER TO TALK TO YOU, TALK TO HER. THE WORST SHE COULD DO IS SAY THE TWO LETTER WORD “NO”!

      Help withlove360

    • Hi Jay…Um well there are these 4 girls who I see often at my middle school and it’s pretty weird but all of them hugged me.Can you help?? They are all in 8th grade and i’m a grade below them. Well i’ve known for about a week now and I like one of them. Can you give me some tips here?? This is the weirdest situation i’ve ever had in my life. Can you tell me how to tell my feelings to her??

  19. Hey Jay, so i wanted to ask something, but first i need to tell the details.
    So we’ve been best friends for more than 2 years and a year ago she had her last boyfriend. We always chilled and stuff, just normal like always, but the last time, it happened to be more ‘intimate’ i think. So at the end of the day, we were just looking at eachother sometimes and i said that i needed to go home. She stood up while looking at me and came closer, so i went closer to and we kissed… (And it was awesome but nvm) i brought het to the Subway after that and later on the night i texted her if she got save home and stuff, but she Kinda ignored me sometimes. The day after again, just short answers.
    Now it’s been like 4/5 days since we kissed. She isn’t talking to me anymore, what do i do???

  20. (continued)… whether or not she could see us together. Her answer was, “Maybe when all of this is over”. I assume she was referring to my divorce, her child custody battle, and the crazy stalker ex-husband issues. Since that night, we continue to spend more and more time together. Every morning she is the first person I talk to- she calls me by 9am every weekday, and 10 am on the weekends. Even if we are not making any plans, she still calls. We have lunch together every day of the week at work, and I eat dinner at her house with her and her daughter at least 3-4 nights a week depending on my school schedule and whether her 3 year old daughter is behaving well that night. She has asked me a few times to watch her daughter when she had to go in to work for an emergency, and even put me on her daughter’s authorized daycare pickup list. Also, I was staying with her on and off for the first week after my wife returned from the Philippines, because I did not want to be around my wife. I help her out around the house as much as I can to show my appreciation for letting me into her life, which entails just about anything: moving furniture, watching her daughter, doing dishes, taking out the trash, cleaning up toys, etc.

    The thing that complicates this whole situation is that we are both in the military, and we both know that we cannot do anything while I am still married. I don’t really know for sure how she feels, because she seems a little standoffish about discussing it. I do know that when I told her I was going to file for bankruptcy before divorce, she told me that I need to get a divorce first. She has stated that several times. She has also made comments about wanting to beat my wife up, tell her off, and even that she would buy her a wheelchair is she thinks she is a cripple.

    I don’t know what to think! We do not have a very physical relationship, but it seems like every time I find myself doubting that there could be something there, she finds a way to renew my faith. I really care about this girl. We have a ton of stuff in common, we enjoy each others company, her daughter loves me, she trusts me, and she is simply amazing.

    Be honest, please. I need every opinion I can get right now because it may be a little while before I can file the divorce… I need something to hold onto here. I kind dug myself into a big hole being married to my wife, now I am trying to dig myself out. And please none of that rebound relationship nonsense, because I have know for a long time what I wanted out of a relationship, I could just never find it in 5 years with my wife. Who would have thought that I could find it in a friend that has been right in front of me for the last year? Thanks.

  21. I am married, and currently going through getting a divorce. While my wife was on travel back in the Philippines, a friend of mine from work reached out to me to help kick her ex-husband out of her house. I did, and he is gone. Since all of this has happened, I have developed feelings for my friend. We have grown very close over the last couple months. About a month ago I told her that I had feelings for her in a letter and left on her kitchen counter before going home at the end of the night. Since then I have left her a few other poems, letters, and cards. We had a brief conversation about whether or no

  22. Hey Jay –

    My question for you is this…

    I was reading your article on 7 signs she likes you…

    I have been getting input from different sources, my friends, people from work… some have been to no avail whilest others have told me that she likes me and wants me to ask her back…

    Let me rewind to where it began:

    I asked her out and showed interest while she was involved with someone else… I guess pushing the issue, this was around Christmas time and I invited her to go out with me to a Christmas concert. She invited me to go to her house, even BEFORE we went out to this concert! I felt a little bit awkward since she was seeing someone else, while I was just taking her out to a nice concert… I mean, why didn’t she just invite that guy she was seeing over for Christmas? I, of course, not one for saying no to a woman’s invite, accepted, and had fun.

    I wanted to exclusively date her, as she told me that she talked to me more, went out with me more compared to this other guy, but just couldn’t tell this other guy off, that she just wanted to be friends with him… I was really torn by this… this… indecisiveness!

    So I did some reflecting and decided to end things with her because of her indecisiveness…

    After I broke things off with her, I would occasionally text her and would see her, even if I did, once a week.

    Fast forward to last night… I went to this event to where I saw that she was attending, and decided that I would get reinvolved with the group… not because she was going but because I wanted to meet new people.

    So, I mingled with other people, a few other girls, and she showed up about an hour or so after I arrived. I didn’t go over and say hi to her… She came over and said HI to me… and that’s when I am about to ask will start:

    When I was sitting down eating, talking with other people, I would notice that I was in plain eye sight’s view of her… me being in a dining area and her being in the kitchen area… I don’t know if she was glancing over at me occasionally but noticed that she could have easily viewed me if she wanted to…

    Later on, I was still in the same spot eating and people were going for the dessert.. I would then notice that she would walk behind me and rub her hand on my back and pat on it… Again, didn’t think much of it…

    When it was getting late and people were about to go, I was sitting down for a group picture and this girl could have sat anywhere but decided to sit close to me to where she had her hand/arm rested on the upper/middle portion of my back…

    This has been pretty much the FIRST event that her and I have seen each other since I broke it off with her after that christmas concert… and I basically didn’t talk to her the entire night, basically completely ignored her the entire night… not because I want to be a jerk to her but because I don’t want to cave in and ultimately show her that I still do care and would like for us to start over… I just don’t want to make a complete fool/idiot of myself… and for things to be completely awkward…

    My question, I guess is this: Does she still like me and want to see if things can start over (which I think is HIGHLY unlikely) or what I think: that she is just trying to be friendly without any extra meaning behind it?

    I have read two articles on my issue (yours and another one) and they have BOTH said that from the signs she was showing, that the former is whats going on… not the latter… which is having me be so so confused!!! Any advice would be greatly appreciated Jay! Thank you!

  23. Hi Jay, please help urgently, I posted earlier on this morning and wish to delete that post urgently/immediately as it is about to cause major trouble for me if someone sees it. Please help, how do I delete a post from the comments section of this blog? Please, Please, Please help!!!

    • Hi Anonymous. Trouble? What do you mean? Tell me specifically which comment you want modifying/deleting and i will do it (within reason).. If you are worried someone will read your post (like a crush or whatnot) its highly unlikely, the internet is a big place.. Let me know…

      • Yes I’m worried she will read it but other people too who know me and her might see and read it. I put my real name on that post by mistake. I need you to remove my real name from the post but I need to send a private message to you. If I send the details of the post to you in this comments section that will reveal my identity and defeat the purpose of what I’m trying to do.

        • I see your story on the 13th July.. so i assume this is the one you wanted changing? I changed the name to ‘J’.. It is highly likely anyone will see it or know its you unless you specifically told others about this page. Trust me you will be fine.. Your identity cannot be revealed if you post as anonymous.

          I cannot accept private messages right now.. i do not mind however reading the comment and answering from 13th. The other alternative is that you post on this page then i delete your comment shortly after i have read it.

    • Um…Hi Jay I have a hairy situation here. Let me start with this well Im in middle school and there is this girl I’ve known for about 2 years since 6th grade.I really like her and really need to get into a relationship with her. Im not very needy I just want someone to care about and for her to do the same. I finally have found out she has been dating a boy who is in my math class. For the past few weeks I’ve noticed her staring at me a lot and flirting a lot as well. Can you help me here?? There are many mixed signals in this one. :/

      • And also Jay, She is in my class for 3 periods; 1st, 3rd, and 6th. In 6th period she sits next to me OMG!! Can you help with this before I make any mistakes?? Thx Jay

  24. Hi, i like this girl who goes on my school bus and when we are nearing our stop she starts an conversation when people her ex comes she is silent what does this mean

    • Hi well there is this girl I like at my middle school and Im beginning to sense that she likes me as well. Can you please help? I really want to get in a relationship with her and see how it goes. Here is evidence that she likes me; She touches my hand to see my watch;She plays with my hair and pretends to pick imaginary lint off my shirt; She compliments me in a fashionable way; This is true evidence that she likes me. Plz reply :/ Skeptical

      • Hey Dddd. To me it sounds like she likes you, shes touching you a lot and picking imaginary lint off your shirt is generally a great sign.. shes giving herself excuses to touch you. Anyway.. When you said “this is true evidence she likes me” talk about answering your own question lol. I think shes into you no doubt, touch her back, get her number.. Good luck

          • Hey Iverend. It is important to have a base of rapport built with a woman, most women wont just hang out with some guy she just met so if by 10 conversations you mean 10 different occasions (or 10 different days) then that is enough time for her to get a better idea of who you are and whether you are her type or not.

            Its important to notice what HER feelings are, are you confident in the signals she is giving you that she’s into you too? I would advise just getting her number and let her know that you should hang out sometime.. and take it from there.. if shes willing to take things further then she will give you her number. If she doesn’t then she is not interested. Good luck

  25. Hi,

    I fell in love with a girl just five Months ago. at the time i was having another in the same school she studies in. In the school, she started to talk about me to her friends and propagated the whole news that we were in love and that i was actually having no interest or real love for my other friend. anyway, she does want me to a close contact with her when she is with her other girl friends after a series of disagreement with my other friend. on another note, she is worried if i do not call her. anyway she is still poor at school with no credit to call me but always alerts me to do instead through a ”call me request.”
    I find it hard to know if truly she loves me. i need ur answers.

  26. Hi,
    I love a girl who talk to my friends who to are flirting with her. She ask’s me if I am jealous of her talking to other boys. What should I answer her answer her and how do I make her attracted to me. Please guide me as I love her very much and told her several times that I love her but she says she treats me like a friend. What do I do.

    • Hi Avinash.

      I think its fair to say she only sees you as a friend especially when she told you that herself. Are you jealous of her talking to other guys? If so then she probably picks up on this and feels like you like her too much which puts her off dating you.. jealousy is not attractive to women. Telling a woman how many times you love her will NOT change anything, she does not like you, you must accept this.. begin the process of getting over her. This is all you can do.. if you want any chance of getting this girl at a later date that might be possible but with your current mindset you are being too needy, she senses this.. stop telling a woman you love her, stop chasing her.. let her come to you. It would be much better to start focusing on other women to get some dating practice under your belt. Good luck

  27. Ok.. I really like this girl and im trying to figure out if shes worth liking anymore. Ill give u some background. We have a bit of a history, I tried to get at her once in high school and she ignored me so I didnt speak to her anymore until college and we ended up being pretty good friends. At one point we were close to a relationship but I think I came on too strong and maybe it scared her off. She would always say ‘i dont want to be loved by anyone’ she was always clear about not wanting a relationship at that time but we still spent a few hours together at least two or three times a week and we would txt every single day. I usually initiate that so one day I decided not to txt her and to my surprise she actually texted me so I took it as a positive sign, nothing major but still a good sign. Anyways as time passed we ended up getting into a fuss one day and we didnt speak for a few months. We eventually started talking again but I remember one day she said ‘i dont know if we can be as close as we were before, you ruined that’ she says I have a bad temper and I have mood swings lol. We are the same zodiac sign; cancer. I think that may be why we would fuss at times and other times we would act as a couple. Never had sex and never kissed and she has hardly ever given me hugs. She says its because I dont ask.. but me being me, I dont want to ask for hugs. But we have cuddled once she fell asleep beside me and she had no problem waking up to find my hand resting on her upper thigh. Anytime I sit beside her on a couch she would say ‘u can sit closer to me I dont bite’ so its a bit of a mixed signal thing there but I think its possibly because she wants me to make the moves. She can be shy at times and it took me a VERY long time to get to know the real her and for her to be her true self around me. But anyways we talked for a while and we would go on lightweight dates just dinner or lunch. She was always willing to spend time with me as long as she didnt have work or class. So we ended up getting in yet another fuss about the status of our friendship and we agreed to not speak for a while. I recently started talking to her again after bumping into her at a mutual friends house. She smiled and joyfully said hey like she always does. She is always happy to see me and she never acts as if she doesnt know me and she will fuss at me if I dont speak to her fast enough lol.So many mixed signals man! So we havent hung out yet except for one time, i havent been pursuing her like I used to. But she still speaks to me and she even defended me one time on a social network when this other chick asked her “why are you friends with this asshole” she replied “on a good day, he is my buddy” … sorry for all this mushed together but its hard trying to recall everything while I type, as some of this happened two years ago during our first run. I THINK she has a boyfriend now but she still speaks to me and I think its best that I dont even ask. So im undecided if I should give it one more try because she seems to kind of stick around no matter how much we fuss and she always waits until im ready to talk to her again and I always get a warm or playful response, usually a joke like “you done being a big baby now?” She was always willing to give me her time which says alot because shes one of the bitchy girls who ignores almost everyone and she has no problem dissing guys publicly lol. So im wondering what are your thoughts on my observations, and what do you think I should do? I feel like I could see myself marrying her because nobody can put up with either of us except ourselves lol. Oh and some more tidbits of info she invited me to come see her in a bikini contest which she ended up winning, but I didnt go. I always wondered if I made a mistake by not showing upto support her. Ive spent a fair amount of money on her but she has also returned the favor spending money on me. One day I asked the dreaded question “so what are we?”(probably another mistake ) and her reply was “u are my good friend and I like spending time with u but I dont want a relationship right now lets just keep it like it is” this was in the past, before the mystery man I assume she is now talking to. She rarely mentions him in her social network posts, and I didnt see any talk of him until the last time me and her had taken a break. When she does mention him in her posts its usually negative complaining about him so I hope they break up so I can try her again lol. Sorry for such a long post but I wanted to give u good details so u can make an accurate observation

    • She’s playing you.. she like to have you on the side as back up for when things go wrong. Chicks either like you or they don’t. Maybe she wants to be chased, but in this case I doubt it.. she’s definitely playing you. Sounds like this has been going on for years. If I was you, I would lay it out for her… I like you, I would like to take this to the next level, etc.. If she gives you another bullshit excuse like “I don’t want to be in a relationship right now, lets be friends”… fuck her, she’s waisting your time. You should move on, find a girl that will appreciate what you have to offer and invest your time there. If the first girl ever comes back around, tell her to fuck off and go back to the school yard where she belongs. Remember, women get offers all the time… some let this get to their heads and feel that they are gods gift to men… you don’t want any of it. One day when she’s past her prime and still single, she’ll realize her mistake… but at that time it will be too late… and you most likely will be off and happy with a woman that cares for you as much as you do for her. No games, ever!!!

      • Dont agree with that phony @$$ man. She doesn’t want a relationship?? Just move on and find a girl that will make you special and actually appreciate who you are. Good Luck though 🙂

  28. Hi again jay. I have a question unrelates to my last question as it is about aoneone different. I met someone online and met her yesterday and we had a great time. Anyway today I find out she had a dream but she wouldnt tell me about it
    Which is usual as we can talk to eachother about anything and everything. i know she has told one of her friend’s about it and the only thing she mentipned to me was it was weird because of who was in it. My question is why wouldnt she talk to me. I really like her and ironically I had a dream about her and although I havent told her this its different because I got sence it was not the day to tell her. Im just confused why she wouldnt talk to me about it

    • Hi.
      Im cris having crush to my colleague.. she is a doctor and i am a nurse.. there are times.. she make me laugh, i maked her laugh at some of my jokes.
      there are times that we’ve looked at each other eyes like about 10secs or more.. i dont know we are shocked at that moment but that moment that we looked to each others eyes feels like the world stop.. i hate it when sometimes she is mean.. sometimes ignores me.. but one time she said she missed me and tell me that she forgets my handwriting.. like what i do i am always looking for her handwriting.. what is this?s help me pls.

      • Hi Cris.

        Sometimes is mean and sometimes ignores you? Well i think that usually occurs for one of two reasons.. the first is you are coming off too interested and it annoys her.. the second is that she likes you and doesn’t know how to deal with her feelings. If you have a good idea of which it is then you will be able to know whether this woman is worth dating. The fact she can look into your eyes for a while makes me think shes into you though.. and her missing you could be a sign too. You will need to clarify better what you mean by the handwriting part of your comment. Good luck

    • Hi Ben.

      That’s hard to say, it could be about you or it could be about another guy.. i dont think you should worry about the small details though, she doesn’t owe any explanation of her dream or anything. I would just focus on how well things are going between the two of you.. has she recently come out of another relationship?.. For now just assume its you.. There are many reasons why she might not tell you. But stop worrying bro, you will be fine. Good luck

  29. Hey a question a girl at work constantly emails me and talks to me. I have helped her out with some personal stuff and she recently emailed me saying I am the best and she couldn’t be where she is without me. She has recently split up with her boyfriend. Recently she has carried on asking me for more help but has also started to ask me if I am proud of her and asking my opinion on new shoes etc. she has also started to talk about other blokes that like her but maintains she does not like them. I actually just laugh and tease her which seems to annoy her. I presume she is trying to make me jealous but she maintains she does not want a relationship with anyone and has no interest in anyone.

    What are your thoughts?

    • Hi Buddy.

      First of all be very careful getting into relationships with women fresh out of breakups.. if she has just gotten out of a long term relationship with a guy (over 1 year) then perhaps she just wants to be single for a while.. dont be the rebound guy! I can’t really say whether she likes you from what you shared here, there is a possibility she tells you about other guys liking her to make you jealous but she might just be doing it because is tired of guys hitting on her… the fact she says she does not want a relationship with ANYONE is what makes me think she is not interested in any relationship right now.. but as encouragement perhaps she will begin to like you over time.. sometimes women just want to be single for a while after a breakup. Give her that space and see how things are in a few months. I feel that if this girl is into you she will do a bit more than tell you guys are hitting on her. Good luck

  30. I said that i loved her and said i want to be single but actually she has a boyfriend .the boyfriend is my friend and teases me that she actually likes me but yesterday she said that ‘i do not love you’but again some of her friends say that she likes me. She shares all answers with me and sometimes also makes faces to me like curling her lips and saying that i do not know the answer. but again she sometimes say that why you have to ask me and say ask someone else.before i proposed her she shared all secrets with me.after i proposed her she said that we can be friends .she sometimes also teases me.she once said that everyone should be loyal to their partners and said that her boyfriend also liked another girl . she also simles at me oftenly. and sometimes i ask her book she gives me someone else book and says take this one.
    Above all i really love her and why doesn’t she understands my feeling
    What to do?

    • Oh boy… women want attention, they desire it… they can’t stand it if they don’t get it. She’s playing with you, teasing you.. because you give her attention. Watch what will happen when you cut her off… if she is really interested in you and wants to be with you… she will put in an effort to approach you, be with you. If she doesn’t and blows you off… she never cared for you and was only using you to make herself feel better. Don’t play her game. There are plenty of other girls out there… move on to the next one… this one is not worth your time. You are better than that. You are worth more than be on the back and call of some girl. Know your worth, and don’t let any one stomp all over it. No girl is worth that. Respect!

  31. Hey I have a question. I texted a girl I like. We ‘ve met only two times to work environment and after that we didn’t see each other for several weeks because I was not in town. As soon as I came back i texted her (note she gave me her number for work purposes, but we had a friendly chat when she did. Anyway, i told her who i am etc and i said to her that we can hang out sometime to the the place i work (i work to a cafeteria, my parents own the place) and she said she will come sometime if she have free time. I know she is busy, but 6 days gone and she still didn’t came or texted me. What should i do? Should i text her? I don’t want to make her think i am needy or something.

    • Hi Lion.

      You have done your part.. she never turned up or came to visit.. usually a sign she isn’t interested.. however she might still come but you are worrying too much about why she has not come. Sometimes when women say they are busy it just means they dont have time at all unfortunately.. But you are right in that you should never be needy..

      I would leave it, dont text her or try to get in touch with her.. she knows where you are mate, if she wants you she will find you or contact you. If you dont want her to think you are needy the best thing is to keep yourself busy, keep your mind off her and dont wait around for her.. do not even ask her why she did not turn her up. Be cool and go with the flow like its no big deal she did not come. Good luck

  32. I have a colleague that just transfer in to my workplace 3 months ago…We started by been good friend until our relationship getting closer lately but I feel that every time she is holding off something..I tried to hold her hand and she just won’t grasp my hand..I know this is a sign she is not into me. sometimes she just let me hold her waist and put my arm around her shoulder..If I didn’t touch her, she would touch me back or tickled me. I tried to hold myself from touching her but sometimes it just came off naturally…I just can’t believe she don’t have boyfriend since girl nowadays are very good at hiding their other half as I saw in many of the girl so in the end I googled around and I found her BF. it sadden me but as I told I’m still hoping too much in the end…it is too good to be true…I need some advise cos I think girl are totally just flirting with guy like me. or is there any chance that this might lead to relationship. I know a girl wont just leave their BF for other guy. damn.. I need some advise to move on…

  33. hey bro…what’s up bro? i need your help
    actually, this is 1st time i had liked any girl, i m just 19 year of age & she is 2 years younger than me…..
    she goes daily to tution center by another path and usually come back to home by different….she comes back by passing in front of my house everyday.
    what should i do to make her impressed from me, to make her heart knows me. one thing also she always looks back when she goes nearby me.
    bro i like her very much please! plz. plz. help me ,get me gr8 solution to my problem

  34. Hi Jay, Im fairly educated guy and often think I can tell what women think or what mood they’re in, and if they like me but this girl at work is something else – too deep for me to read man and I need your help because Im into her big time. I just don’t know if she’s into me the same way and don’t want to make a fool of myself until im safe. Here’s a few things to show what’s been happening between the two of us:
    1. She is beautiful, single and has a daughter with a guy (they broke up three years ago)
    2. On many occasions I have passed complements to her about her looks, personality, intelligence and behaviour. I even told her she is a good mother (because I do think she is – I have seen how she treats her daughter and what she does for her all the time)
    3.Most of my complements are made by text message to her, occasionally verbally.
    4. She never responds to the complements (to say either thank you or reject the complements) but I know that she receives them and reads them regularly.
    5. She is always very nice to me, and does everything I ask her to do for me (including silly little favours I often ask her for)
    6.She is always teasing me by calling me by a name that I didn’t want other work colleagues to know, and I told her I prefer not to use that name as I don’t like it very much.
    7.She is always very talkative in my presence, she fixes her hair a lot when Im around and if there a mirror nearby she would almost certainly look at it to see how she looks.
    8.One day I didn’t come to the office because my car had a mechanical problem. I told some other girl in the office about this (by text message), and only told her also by text message much later in that day and she didn’t respond to my text message. I sensed that she was a little mad about it because she might have found out I told the other girl before her. I asked whey she didn’t respond to my text message and she gave me a completely unrelated reason for this.
    9. The other day I was speaking to the other girl in the office, during an office meeting and this girl made a joke to which I laughed loudly (only briefly mind you). She got really mad and shouted at both of us to stop being disruptive in the meeting.
    10.Soon after this incident, I went over to her and chatted to her and she was very nice to me.
    11. Following day I complemented her (by text message) on a very nice dress she was wearing at the office and again she didn’t say anything in response – then I asked her in another text message to come the following day wearing a tight-fitting dress that I had seen her wearing previously (which makes her look dead sexy). She didn’t say anything or respond to my text message but the following day she came wearing that dress.

    Am I safe to take it that she is into me?

    I’d appreciate the help.

  35. We met in the working environment. She sits facing me, long distance though. We used to look deep into each others’ eyes for long and for a couple of times. Nobody is shy and we feel we are both attracted to each other. We cannot talk to each other directly. I have sent her some gifts, made her laugh like a baby. One day, I encourage myself to write her a letter about how I admire and like her, something about myself and would like her to help me about something she can do. The next time I saw her, her attitude totally changed. She still laugh when she chat with others, but she intentionally avoid eye contact with me and when she look in my way, her face turn serious, act cold and seems try to keep distance with me. I felt I lost her. I don’t know why. Is it because she is angry, or she is shy or she is totally lost interest in me? What can I do to get her back? I definitely don’t want to lose her.

    • Hi F.

      I feel the distancing is because of one or two reasons: she lost interest because you took too long to do anything.. or she figured out you were into her and it scared her off.. hard to say which but i think the latter is more likely.. the letter is likely the thing that turned her off. My guess is she lost interest, she lost it probably because you were too forward with your feelings.. the only thing i can suggest is to move on.. sometimes when you move on past love interests find you interesting again much later. Good luck

      • Hi Jay,
        Thank you for your reply. I agree with “she figured out you were into her and it scared her off”, “the letter is likely the thing that turned her off”. Will women lost interest if I am too forward with my feelings?
        It is very weird that I can feel when she thinks about me, though we live 10 miles away. If some day I think about her hard and cannot sleep, the other day there will be something between us happen. I have never had that feeling to anybody else. She has a magnetic personality and a beautiful soul. Funniest and the most trustworthy people I have ever known. We respect each other’s intelligence.
        She finished her job and move to other places to work. I give her some gifts and said “For the best of Your Memories”. I can feel at night that she spent some time thinking about my gift. After she left, I felt I am like a fish out of water. Memories flashback with the funniest scenes in my life with her, I just cannot stop laughing. I missed her a lot. I just want to see her again.
        One day I came to her new working place, when she saw me, she shouted out “Oh My God!” I didn’t expect she is that surprised. Immediately she said “I cannot talk to you.” What does that mean? Anyway, I said something regarding our work and she seems care about me. But we didn’t talk much because she has to talk to someone else. I left. I don’t understand under which circumstance people say “Oh My God! I cannot talk to you.” Life without her is different. Unfortunately, I cannot have her. At least, I don’t know in which way I could have her. Any suggestions?

        • Hey F. The answer is in most cases YES..

          Its not that you revealed your feelings so much as it was that you did it much too early and that she wasn’t feeling it back.. use mystery to your advantage in the future, you dont need to do any extra sweet favours for women nor should you tell them. Letters, poems and gifts can work when done at the right moments but i would myself suggest keeping them for someone your actually in a relationship with. Not a friend your trying to turn into a GF..

          As for your question, its hard to say what she meant without me being there with you.. The most likely answer is that she doesn’t want anything to do with you.. i know thats a harsh answer but unfortunately. More importantly if you are hurt by this rejection or have feelings left over then having a friendship with this woman isn’t such a great idea.. it could act as torment for you for many months and years to come. I would suggest getting over this girl and focusing on the future; including other women.

          There is a guy somewhere below in the comments that has the name ‘AF’, his comments are nearer to the bottom of the comments but you could probably learn something from those discussions we had back then, he was in a very similar situation and in the end he agreed with me that having long term friendships with attractive women he had feelings for wasn’t really worth it. At this stage there is no way to make her like you.. you cant make someone like you so its best to move on..

          From all my experience the only chance she will ever like you is if get over her and stop needing her in your life.. but even that isn’t gauranteed.. Feel free to come back if you have more questions on a new lady. Wish you luck mate

  36. Hi Jay,

    Hope you’re doing well. I don’t think my issue is very different from a lot of people but I still need some advice. There is a new intern at my job, who doesn’t work under me or with me in any form. I want to ask her out but I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable in case that she says no. I’m not scared of being rejected, I’ve had my fair share of rejection and I know I won’t die of it. I just believe everyone should be comfortable at work and not have to worry about anyone hitting on them or creeping them out.

    She works very near me about 90% of the time and sometimes we spend the time having conversations instead of actually working. She laughs at my jokes, even though I know some of them aren’t really funny. She likes to tease me about little things and we kind of have a little banter here and there sometimes. We have never have had physical contact or anything of the sort. She’s very attentive when I speak to her and looks at me directly in the eyes. I’m just not sure if she likes me. What do you think of the situation or what do you think I should do?

    P.S. I’ve been out of the dating game for a while. I ended a three and a half-year relationship last November and have just been focusing on myself. For the most part I’ve avoided dating and gone on a couple of blind dates but I feel a real connection with this girl and I want to do things right.

    • Hi JLB.

      If rejection is no problem for you thats good, that is half the equation right there, the other half is just learning to read a woman’s interest level when your conversing with her, if she seems interested and friendly when you talk to her go for it.. repay interest with interest. By the time you have spoken to her a few times you should have a better idea of whether or not she would like to hang out.

      Having read your comment though it sounds like she is interested. If she laughs at your unfunny jokes its usually a very very good sign (i’d say its up there with the best ones).. teasing and banter is also a good sign. Attentiveness is a good sign too; this usually means she pays more attention to what you say and what you do because she cares about what you think of her and is probably trying to suss out the kind of guy you are.. Like i said i think there is a very good chances shes into you so recommend casually dropping by her for a convo and inviting her out for a drink once you feel you have a foundation of rapport.. i’m sure she will say yes if shes into you, if she isn’t a drinker suggest somewhere else. I would avoid the word date or asking out.. just suggest you both get together to do something instead (always been effective for me), she will take the bait if shes interested.

      I think you have done the best thing by not dating seriously for a while as well after your breakup, now it seems your ready to date seriously again. Hope you are doing well. Good luck

  37. Hi. I have a question. On saterday night I was at a garden party for my close. One of my neighbours I had only seen once before and was only a brief chat. Anyway at this party she hugged me a few times kissed my hand when I left we talked most of the night. I know she was not drunk I only know here name and some of her likes as we talked alot about movies music and tattoos but other than thatI only know that she is livong with her mum but is not young. What I am unsure of is if she was hinting she likes me or if that is just who she is

    • Hi Ben. That’s hard to say but as encouragement i would try to pursue this a bit further before making any moves.. kissing your hand (depending on how she did it) may be a simple greeting or flirty gesture, depends on the kind of person she is. Talking to you most of the night is generally a good sign, sometimes it can just be because you clicked on a conversational level. I would try to see her again and see how it goes next time, that way you can get a better picture if she enjoying her time with you on a consistent basis. If you can see her again at another get together go for it and see how it goes.. possibly try getting her number at the next get together. Good luck

  38. Hey I find this a lot more helpful than other websites.Here’s the prob.there’s this girl that keeps looking at me when she sees me.I don’t know if she is dating or what,but I barley know her.She’s always on my mind and I cant stop thinking bout her and now I’m going nuts.I really want to get it outta my system and just tell her.PLZ PLZ PLZ answer soon before I make the wrong decision or wrong mistake thx

    • Hi Henry. If she keeps looking at you there is a strong chance she likes what she sees, strong chance she likes you and wants you to go talk to her. My first piece of advice would be to try control your thoughts and not think about her all the time, keep yourself occupied with sports and hobbies.. over thinking and obsessing about gals will only make things worse. Do not tell her your interested, show it, instead just speak to her like you would your guy buddies, no pressure! If you feel there is a connection when you speak to her ask for her number or suggest hanging out some time.. if she is into you she will say yes.. Its that simple. Good luck

  39. Hi Jay,I found this website and thought it was the best I ever read.Your article helped me figure this out more.but I got a problem. So there’s this girl I like. I was at her softball game and when she would get the ball she would look at me. Every time. But I barely know her,so I think she just wants to be my friend for now.I have NO idea if she’s dating anyone. Plz help thx Jay

    • Hi David. There not much here to go off here.. I think that it is one of two things.. she knows you look or stare at her all the time and its freaking her out OR she may like you and is self conscious when she gets the ball.. we almost always want to look our best in front of people we feel attraction so this could be why she does it.

      I will admit out of everyone she could choose to look at she chooses to look at you so that could mean something but if the ball landed near you then it would not really mean much.. just take things as they come, get to know her over time and see if there is a connection there. Good luck

  40. This might just be me being excited, because this is the type of girl I go crazy for, but I’ll ask anyway. I talked to this girl on an online dating site (OKcupid to be exact). We exchanged numbers shortly after and started texting. We finally met on Tuesday we no real plans in mind. I surprised her by taking her to Chagrin Falls (a placed she loved but only visited a couple of times). We ate at this one family-oriented restaurant and talked for a good 1 1/2 hours. Both of us were smiling and laughing, and at one point it seemed like she had that happy-feeling smile as her eyes glazed. So I thought it was a spark. After eating we walked around and then went to a park. Another great time – hiking, laughing, and smiling. Keep in mind this was just a friend hangout. We went back to CF for ice cream. She bought their ice cream in stores, but never went to their shop. Again, we had a nice time talking. She even told me about her tattoo on her side. After awhile she thanked me as she put her hand on my shoulder. Later I dropped her off at her place (she loves my car by the way). We hugged again for the goodbye and she suggested doing something when she gets back from Chicago. As I went passed her apartment door I slowed down and waved, and noticed her looking back with a smile. That was also unexpected.

    I know girls can be friendly without those “feelings”, but I’m still questioning her actions. We seem to have a lot in common, and she is a sweet girl. Is it just me thinking too much or did we have that spark?

  41. I went out with this girl for one month. she ended me after that month because she wants to be single. She has been hurt a lot before so i was thinking that was the problem. Its been about two month since we ended but she still flirts with me she wants me to be around her because every time i leave she tells me not to leave her by herself. i don’t understand the problem whats the problem?

    • She probably likes you but is still not ready for a relationship yet even though you dated her for a month.that COULD be it.

  42. Me and this girl have been friends for over 4 years as she goes to my school and I like her and she has liked me at one point. For about a week now we have been snapchatting, she sends me selfies and I send her some back too. Then 2 days ago she sent me a selfie of her and I send one back, then she blocks me without saying a word. I am really confused someone please help me.

    • Hey Jack. If she has liked you once before that could work in your favour, thats a sign that what you have done in the past has worked.. I am however confused why she would block you, are you being obvious with your interest? Are you chasing her too much? Does she feel smoothered? Only you can admit this to yourself. You mention she has liked you at some point, i am wondering if you dated at one point and she recently broke up with you? What i will say is not to question her about it..

      Just go on with life like you don’t even know she blocked you.. it might be a good idea as well to back off until she comes to you. To me it sounds like she either doesn’t like you and thinks you like her.. or something you have done recently has annoyed her. Good luck

  43. If anyone can answer this,please do. So here it is: There’s this girl that I’ve liked for several months now. In the past few weeks,I’ve felt like she’s been staring at me for periods of time,but I hardly notice. Anyway,recently on a school trip,there was a dinner/dance cruise our school group went on and I casually danced with her and one of my friends jumped in with us for the fun. After the dance,she said bye to me and she hugged ME! I wasn’t the one who went for the hug,she did. Now I’m asking myself,does she like me back?

    • Hi Hunter, unfortunately from just this signal i cannot give you a definate yes or a no.. but i do think you should try to get to know her better, if she has been looking at you a lot then its a good sign shes into you and if she makes it obvious she is looking at you its likely she wants you to approach her and get to know her. The hug could mean anything and isn’t necessarily a sign of interest, sometimes touchy feely will give hugs to anyone. I think if you try talking to this gal more often you will start to get a feel of whether she is into you or not.. feel free to bring other signals here that you may have had since. Good luck

  44. This guy I like is so confusing. He asks me for help with school work a lot. But he’s quiet around me. When he does talk to me he looks straight into my eyes. His eyes become really dilated as well. Also he asks about my hobbies and what I did over the weekend. And he sometimes hugs me but not always. Does he like me?

  45. hey there what a good guy helping people have known a girl through work for maybe a year she is amazing i changed jobs and didnt see her for three weeks by fate my new employer uses the same retailer when i walked in her jaw dropped in shock very out of character and all the signs did seem to be there before have i left it too late it is difficult to get a contact outside of work im unsure how to approach this situation any help would be appreciated matt

  46. hello, I’ve known this girl for about two weeks now. we met through a friend of mine and have been very close..at least it seems that way. I take her shopping alot, drive her everywhere, and she spends most of her day with me. well the reason I’m confused is she’s alway rude to me in what I want to think is a flirtatious way..but she always says she hates me..with is in a flirtatious tone..but most things she says are about my driving or other things. it “could” be flirtatious as you said above some girls express themselves in rude ways. but she blew up on me the other day and sent me a text saying stuff about how she “makes my life miserable” and things like that..so I had to talk to her for a bit and during this I told her I do like her very much amongst other various things about her I like..well, she replies with “I need some space”..it’s been a few days past that and were talking like we used too..but now she says she hates it when I talk in groups with her..says it makes her feel ignored and when I’m alone with her I’m “not acting like myself”..I’m actually stumped with this one..I like her and I’ve been playing distant for the duration of our relationship. but I want to know if this means she likes me or is leading me on or whatever?? please HELP!!

  47. I meet a woman once every few weeks on a professional basis. She always imparts bits of her personal life to me without prompting. She also has a habit of ambushing me with a personal question at the end of our meetings. At our last meeting, she said my response to her personal question was boring and that she had expected something more interesting, to which I laughed. She then gave me her work number and I said right, thanks bye and made for the door to leave only to find that she was following me very closely behind. She then stood very, very close to me and told me to “do something” before briefing me on what to do for our next meeting. What is going on with this woman? I am getting mixed signals and the last time we met we were definitely on the same page.

  48. in my school there has been a lot of rumors of girls liking me and i need help on two of them.the first one always says im ugly and stupid but then blushes when i look at her i dont know weather she likes me or not.the other one she stares at me a lot and she has been trying to get close to me a lot. do they like me?

  49. I need advice there is this girl i know. We have known for around a year now and i happen to like her a lot. She seems to be on my mind all the time now. Well the question is does she like me? Well i have been noticing that she is very nice to me. She laughs at my jokes a lot and seems to smile a lot when she talks to me. Do you think she likes me? I am really nervous to ask her myself i want to be 100 percent sure. Thank you if you answer my question

    • Hey Nigel. Her being on your mind is sure to drive you crazy my friend.. If she very nice to you and i mean extremely nice then i would say she likely is. Smiling and laughing is often a good sign especially if she laughs at the smallest of things.. and if when you see her she has a really big bright smile on her face that is often a give away as well, a big bright smile indicates happy to see you ;).

      I cannot give you a 100 percent ‘yes’ from what you have given but i would say from what you have given the scale is in favour of yes. But feel free to give me more signs if you have them IF you are not feeling confident. I always advise a way you can get around asking a girl out without telling her your feelings (which imo is much better).. you can do this simply by asking if she would like to hang out sometime or asking for her number, if a yes then she is very likely into you. If she says no then you didn’t lose anything from trying buddy and you know she is not feeling it 🙂 Good luck

  50. In my school, during the 1st day of my class I saw a cute girl of class 8, I know I will love her if she does with me! But I being class 12 cant express my feelings with her. Anyway she use to talk with me chat with me but not freely and always I mean often. One of my friend expresses his feelings of love with her but she ignores but still then she sees us when we (i and friend) loiters around the school campuss. She once asked me wheather I can go with her till her home! It is to inform you that i love her truely.

    • Hey Max. I am sure i previously commented to you but it seems it did not appear.. hmm. I think that yes shes into you, she often used to talk to you might mean she did like you back then but not anymore. But if it was more recent she asked you to walk her home then there is a slight chance she might like you (or still like). Often a girl will not ask you to talk her home unless she is into you, of course there is always a 20% chance she just trusts you and sees you as a good friend. Good luck

  51. hey jay so i really like this girl and i dont know if shes just shy or nervous but today i asked her for a tip supposedly to buy my sister a pendant and every time i asked her she called for her friend and left me with her friend so my question is if shes interested in me

    • Hi Anonymous. Its hard to say.. If shes shy and nervous its usually a good sign. When i read it i did initially think HER friend may be the one who likes you.. perhaps she spoke to you then told her friend to talk to you because it is really is her friend who likes you? OR perhaps the initial girl does like you but was just busy so she called her friend over to keep you company? Good luck

  52. Hi Jay
    I wanted your opinion on this. There is a girl that I see several time. We see each other quite a lot. She does see me more than her friend. We like to do a lot of stuff together, she always ask me to go out somewhere. She textes me every day. She calls me “muffin”.So one day, I invite her at the restaurant with my friends and she accepted it,but she said “your friend will think we are boyfriend and girlfriend ,but we are just friend”. So I wanted to know if she really likes me, because all your 7 signs points that way and why she is told me that friendship. What should I do?
    Thank yoy!

    • dude, what do you want? That’s a question most people don’t realize they can ask until they’ve been around the block a few times. Could you still be her friend if she had a boyfriend, or kissed another guy in front of you? If your answer is no, then tell her how you feel. If she likes you, you’ll make out, have fun.
      If her answer is no, then don’t waste your time if you can’t just be her friend. That’s not fair to her either.

      Good luck.

  53. Hi Jay
    I want your opinion on this. Well this guy said this to me You belong to me.Then I was talking to my friend about my relationship and what he said. My friend said that sounded controlling, owning and jealous . Also being possessive.
    What is your opinion on this.

    Thank you.

    • Mimi, How did he say it? Was he joking, was he kidding. If you can’t tell, perhaps you don’t know yourself or him as well as you thought. Controlling people get very jealous. True signs of a controlling person is that they only want you for themselves in activities. He’ll not want you to have a social life, he may be physically or verbally abusive. Those are the flags you should be watching out for; not some one liner that could have been taken out of context. However, you were there, not me.

      Good Luck.

  54. jay I gave an important question..I recently,started a new high school and in my geometry I sit in a group if 4 beside the girl I like. she told me I’m really cute 2 times in the same day,and today she asked me if she’s cute and also she asked if I like her ass, she always teases me and I had a balloon child I made in health class and she said it’s our child. does she like me?

  55. What does it mean if a girl that used to beg you to let her use your ipod,starts staring at you and randomly says “hi”

    • It means you have something else she wants to use. Do you have a new ipod? If you find that she only associates with you when she wants something – red flag (bad sign). However, if she genuinely likes you, she’ll want to do more activities with you – like hang out, have pizza, go to the movies – and all dutch, which means she pays her way. That way neither feels they owe the other anything other than just a good time.

      If she hasn’t asked you to do any of these things, put your neck out and ask. If she says “no” and you get the feeling she doesn’t care to do it – no biggie. Just next time she wants to beg you for the ipod – say “no”.

      Good Luck.

  56. Hi Jay, what a informative blog and nice advices. Appreciate that.

    Wondering if you could advise on my story as well please?
    Shortly, attracted to a silent co worker and all the signs (whatsoever) ESP eye contact was/is there.
    we exchanged hi few times although no continuos convo.
    When i missed out an social event @work organised by her for what ever reason , she queried me for not making to event,but something was telling me she could be dating someone etc.. (mind you she never shared thatwith me) .
    After couple months she got married to someone at same office and Since then she was mean to me as no talks, no hi , no invite for team social events etc.
    Recently since couple of months or so.. She is repeatedly giving me glances and could notice her dressing changed and trying to grab my attention.
    She’s even trying to be around me when possible and could notice her being down when she doesnt see me and sort of excited in my presence / when there’s eye contact.
    Can understand she is shy and doesn’t behave the same with other guys and not even with her bf/spouse (at least in front of me). She gives me eye contact and she looks over the shoulder when she walks across the hallway.

    Not entirely sure if she is trying to pursue /show interest or playing me. I’m thinking if she wants to be with me, she’ll make a move ?
    Appreciate your advise on my situation buddy.

  57. Hey Jay, can you help me out pls? i have posted my situation below… i am in real need of some advice….

    • Hi Anonymous. Are you Thomas from below? Your comment was quite long compared to others so i left it till last.. sometimes i dont get much time to read so i focus on shorter comments first. Left my response with your original comment 🙂

  58. IF you have known a shy girl for over 3 months, is it ok if you still havent asked her out and rather talk in school ? Both of you show signs of interests and are OK with taking things slow + are inexperienced

    • Hi Master67. To me its not really a case of asking her out but rather asking her to do something with you outside of school like going to watch a movie or something. If shes into you she will say yes (depending on your ages). Sometimes things go slowly, if you guys are ok going slowly then you have nothing to worry about.. but i would suggest at some point extending what you do together. As she could be at some point hoping you take this a little bit further, it depends on the girl, some girls will encourage you to go for it asap and might be waiting.. some girls might just want to build some comfort/trust between you two first (especially if you are younger 13,14 etc). Good luck

  59. Dear Jay
    If a girl at work like you. She told her friends and co workers NOT to talk to me. For example when i talked to her friend her friend told me go to talk to the girl has feeling for me. They all listen and dont talk to me. Is that a sign of jealous or possessive. Please may you response your thought. Thank you so much

    • Hey Mimi it seems you got my comment on the other blog site. If her friend told you she has feelings for you then perhaps she likes you. I have a feeling that the girl in question found out they had blurted this out to you and now wants them to stop sharing secrets. As i said on other site its a way of being controlling to some degree. Have i read this correctly? Why would she be jealous? Does she think her friends are into you? Keep me posted. Good luck

  60. Dear Jay
    May you plesse give me your thought or opinion.If a girl like you at work. She wants her co workers or her friends talk to you. Is thst a sign of jealous or/and possessive? Thank you please may you response.

  61. Also she didn’t just break my heart right then and there like most girls would of. She was very cool about it all.

  62. Hi Jay, so I have got a girl problem. I really like this girl I have known for about a year and a half. And last week I had a breakdown and told her how I feel about her because I couldn’t stand another moment wondering. It finally got to me and I also didn’t want to tell her because I thought it might ruin our friendship. So she told me that she doesn’t want a boyfriend at the moment and she just hasn’t been looking for one. So I asked her what if she did want one right now and she told me idk. She requested we still remain friends like always and we both agree it won’t be oakward next time we see each other. I feel 100% better now that she knows how I feel, no more wondering and anxiety. So what do I do now, just stay friends with her and hope. Idk please HELP

    • Hi Nick. It took bravery to do that so well done bud, the only bad thing is that she doesn’t seem to feel the same way, my advice for future would be not to directly tell a woman your feelings next time but rather just to show them through your body language and your actions. Words aren’t really needed, a woman generally makes it obvious when shes into you. She probably just doesn’t want a boyfriend right now, it can also be code for her being interested in someone else.. but she would not say this to you because she knows it would hurt your feelings (thats just how women think). At least you feel better for doing it though and getting it off your chest 🙂

      There is not much you can do but move on, when guys tell a woman how they feel then ask what do i do next i simply tell them to move on because there is nothing else to do. Telling a woman your feelings will not really do anything except give away your mystery, telling a woman your feelings is like saying “well i like you, now i have told you i want you to tell me it back”. But the key to getting women is not to tell her how you feel but rather to get the woman to see you outside of school/college/work and hang out until its obvious she is into you. I would work more on reading positive body language and a woman’s actions because if you do this you wont need to tell a woman how you feel, instead you will simply be able to look straight at a woman and say either ‘yes she likes me’ or ‘no she does not like me’ then take it from there. Good luck

  63. Hi,

    This is my story. I like this girl. I am not sure if she likes me too!! But then a few instances have happened which made me think again and again, but could not conclude any thoughts… please help me here….

    Initially, when i paired up with a girl for a fashion show competition, she complained to her friends (in front of me) that even i was participating in the competition (this happened 3 times). Once she heard a conversation between me and few other friends (my friends were mocking me that i have started to flirt with another girl) and she asked if i really like that girl and given a chance if i would marry her? I said “no, definitely not”… then she asked me about the kind of person that i would marry, how would i select a girl, and if i was in any relationship before, and how i would propose…. she is sweet girl, introvert, intelligent….. her friend was with us during the conversation, it was her friend who started this conversation about the girl.. when the friend started, i heard her saying “hey common… dont ask… dont embarrass me”… and then in the end when i said i feel shy to propose a girl, the friend looked her and said “see i told you, almost all guys are really shy to do this”…. she herself has said that she likes me a lot in front of the same friend and in one instance she said that i am really sweet (again before the same friend)

    am confused here…. can you help me pls?? Does she like me? if so in which sense? and what should i do further to carry in such a case?

    • Hi Thomas.

      My thoughts are that she likely is into you, why was she complaining about you being in the show? Try look at her actions in general and her body language around you to give a better picture. If for example this girl is feminine, hyper, extremely happy, coy, flirty, submissive or really excited every time she sees you then this is the better signs to determine her attraction for you.

      When she asked you some of the questions such as “who would you marry” etc they are generally good signs because shes taking an interest in who you like (but you have to remember she might be asking because someone else likes you i.e her friend). There is on the odd occasion a woman might just ask out of randomness but i think ‘someone’ likely does like you here and it is likely this girl.

      When you said that she said that ‘she likes you’ in front of her friend, can you be a bit more clearer on this? Did she say it in front of you or just her friend? How do you know she said this? Did her friend tell you she likes you? What kind of tone was this said in? Did she say this in response to her saying something? Generally someone saying they like you and you are sweet seems very ‘friend’ tone especially if she said it in front of you in person but that doesn’t always make it true either. I do wonder if she said this “like you” comment behind your back.

      I cant give a certain yes but a strong yes she prob does like you.. Good luck

  64. Hey Jay, I have known this girls for about a year and a half now. At first she was cold to me and didn’t really seem interested but now it’s different. She will giggle in conversation and through text, we have longer than normal eye contact and I have noticed she tends to look a little nicer around me than others. It is hard for me though because she has lots of guy friends and it seems like I am no different to her. But she would consider taking up a few of my hobbies though. I was wondering if you had any advice to give me about my situation like ask her on a date or wait and see what happens. She has been running through my mind since the day I meant her and I don’t know what to do. Thanks Jay -Nate

    • Hi Nate. The fact she is now more open sounds like she got over whatever it was in the past is now more focused on being normal with you, if she giggles in convo at everything even if the things you say arent that funny its a good sign, if she keeps saying ‘lol’ or ‘haha’ a lot in text its also a good sign.

      Eye contact is good, if you ever get the impression she is dressed well for you, acting different around you as compared to others, sticks up for you, spends most of her time with you, seems really smiley, excited or hyper around you then these are all good positive signs. If she has guys friends and she treats them like she treats you then its ‘not’ a good sign. The idea is that she treats you different to the other guys because your ‘special’ i.e she likes you. Just make sure she is not treating you differently simply because she has known you the longest (sometimes that mistake is made by guys).

      She is taking up some of your hobbies as a way to be close to you and to be around you more so that is indeed another good sign. Also never ask a woman on a date in words, just simply and casually ask her to hang out one day/evening i.e cinema, shopping or a hobby based activity. The idea is that if she says yes to going with you then you will have created an ‘under the radar date’ without asking for one. The idea is simply to hang out more until you suss out she likes you then act on it i.e kiss her. If she is willing to be alone with you all the time then you have your answer pretty much. Good luck

      • Hi Jay, Im friends with this girl for 3 months now. I asked her for clarification but she insisted we’re just friends.. however she shows all the 7 signs and moreover wears dresses and shows me so i can comment on them. If i comment something good the dress stays on for the whole day. We share long conversations on facebook talking about nothing at all other than whether i like her lips etc. If i dnt reply her facebook message she calls up and keeps confirming if my mood is alright. Last night when we were walking together she tells me that noone loves her. I politely replied that i would be honored to have a gf like her. Did i make a mistake by doing that? What are her intentions? its very confusing for me at the moment can you help…

  65. Hey Jay it’s been a while how ya been? That girl that was cold to me a couple months back came back a week after I stopped talking to her and started ignoring her and she started being playful and trying to grab my attention and also laughs at every little thing I say no matter how dumb it is but she has a BF but she has asked me intimate questions like how I feel about her I am about tired of not knowing and going to move on what do you think I should do? Move on or wait?

    • P.S. If I get a girlfriend do you think she will get mad and not talk to me? Even if I don’t do out with her she is still a cool friend that I’d hate to lose

    • Hi Chris. Ive been good thanks, you? Do you see here how ignoring and stopping talking to her makes her more interested in you? Its about getting the balance of push pull right. Every time you pull back like this it makes her want to chase you 😉 Put it to good use.

      Sounds like her trying to get your attention and laughing at anything could mean shes starting to like you… Wait till its bit more obvious. If she asks you how you feel about her simply reply “i dont know how i feel”, its not her business how you feel.. but you could try getting her number as at least then you’d be making an effort, come under the radar.

      Don’t tell her your feelings or ask for a date (wrong way to do it). Just simply get her number, the rest should be casual and easy from there. If she says yes to giving you her number then good, it not then shes playing around.

      If you get another gf she would probably get mad if she IS into you.. but the truth is you need to pick one girl. IF you like this original girl better start a convo and if shes still reacting positively ask for her number and say “maybe i’ll invite you out one time if your lucky” 😉 be cheeky. Good luck

  66. Hey Jay… I followed your blog it seems really useful but then my confusion is about the fine line between friendship and love. Guess you are used to the tall boring tales but here goes mine…
    She’s in my class. Found her way through the friendship channel and we gradually started talking to one another. In fact we used to chat on facebook every single day for over 2-3 hours. Often we would take a walk in our campus after dinner. Our friends branded us as a couple, at first she was defensive about it but then she started to comply. However when i told her that she was my joking girlfriend she said she was serious abt our friendship??!!.
    She wears dresses in my presence and goes all blushy if i say she’s looking good. She invited me to the college fest dance and tries to be at every competition i participate in.
    I have a general inferiority complex about my dress up looks etc but she keeps saying that every girl want just an intelligent guy who can earn lots of money etc.
    I am in general a nerd (top debater, top quizzer, basketball team etc).
    The general talks between us are of no specific topic but general teasing at each other. Sometimes if the internet lines are down she calls me to have the meaningless conversation. Recently she and i built the college confession page on facebook and that made her very excited that i would do it for her. However when things started going bad i was upset about the page and she shut it down using her admin.
    She has a boyfriend who is in another city but we hardly speak about him and she says she hates him and wants to get rid of him.
    This kind of a relationship carried on over the last one month when we came real close but then i read these signs and asked her if she loved me. By now the whole college sincerely believes we are going out together. However we have never been out of campus. I had asked her out once but she was extremely tired on that occasion. (or maybe that was an excuse)
    Initially while walking she started saying things like love is a really big word etc then yesterday when i said i loved her she said she didnt…
    She asked me what would i do if she stopped speaking to me, i replied i would let her go and we would lead our own lives. She says if i love her i should come after her. So i ask her the same question and she replies that if i stopped talking to her she would some after me and ask and try to get me back. I told her i was sleepy and signed off.
    I took my decision of not speaking with her and removed her from the friend list and disappeared from her sight. For the entire day today i have been out of sight and she called me at 11pm, initially from her phone and when i didnt receive from other phones (numbers i didnt know).
    She said she doesnt want to disturb me and wanted to be back on the friend list and asked me whether i was fine etc. I felt she was just making conversation. However i didnt reply at all…

    My question is… Is this girl into me?? What is the relationship between us??
    Did i do the right thing by walking out??
    As of now i have every intention of maintaining my disappearing act. but what should i do? Does she love me? if yes is there a way to get her to own up??

    As i am a complete novice of this field i leave the expert decisions to you.

    • Does this girl likes me when I help her out with some thing sometimes just look at me or say thank you quietly and one day she talks to me saying my name that did she get it right when I finish the test she smiled and waved to say goodbye because I was leaving to my class when I’m finish the next day I heard her talking her friend saying she want to talk to me and her friend said go and she refuses to go and I keep see her behind me that day and today

  67. Hi Jay, you might remember me from several months back? Don’t worry, I’m not going to go into all that detail again but I’ve been looking for advice somewhere and haven’t found any good answers – your blog seems to be the only place to get them.

    Since I last commented in July (or whenever it was) I’ve been concentrating on improving myself like you suggested, I’ve been getting physically fitter and started a new job. Unfortunately, in the office where I work the few girls that there are are already in relationships or a lot older than me, and I don’t seem to have had any other real opportunities to get to social events on a regular basis. I know this is because I’ve been working on myself and my career and hobbies, but time seems to be passing very quickly still; I can’t tell if my ‘self-improvements’ have worked because I haven’t been in a position to test them. It just seems that girls in clubs etc and other stereotypical locations to meet people are just not interested in me or, to put it bluntly, too shallow and lack real personality.

    I saw ‘that girl’ last week when I was driving to work, walking with some guy (don’t know who he was as he was wearing a hoody) and for some reason, it still really hurt to see her. I imagined I’d put that behind me.

    What I’m asking is do you have any ideas on these subjects, being the genius you are? 😉 Would be appreciated thanks!

    • Hey Anthony. I do remember you 🙂 its always good to have people come back and comment, how are you? If i remember rightly your story was the girl who was a ‘friend’ but would never quite be more than that right?

      Sounds like you been doing good, the way to meet more women is to do more things with your life, the more you do with your life the more people you meet. I myself am in a male dominated degree and job so i’m in a similar grey patch, its not easy to meet women imo unless you have tons of friends or have enough money to go college/uni which imo is a bad thing since not everyone has that kind of life access.

      Clubs are indeed naff, to be honest i have never felt that comfortable meeting women in a club, a bar/pub is much better. The part where you said you never have other real opportunities to get to social events on a regular basis is possibly part of the problem imo. ‘try’ a new hobby, maybe so you can meet like wised minded people there (including women). I know from some of my past consultations with people that many people met on volunteering jobs or in organized events.

      The key regardless of your position is just always to be positive so i would not believe these places have ‘all’ shallow people etc because they might be some good women there but your attitude might be putting ‘that’ out at an unconscious level.. a good mindset is more of a persona. but i do understand you though because society in the UK doesn’t really give much choice and we know that a lot of people out clubbing do take on the group mentality, happiness seems to come at a cost nowadays.

      I can tell you most of the women who showed interest in me this year was on public transport and in super markets. But i believe this is because my awareness has gotten better too.. Truth is a lot of women probably check ‘you’ out quite often but your probably not realizing it, try it one time in public and you will notice at least one woman every now and then checks you out somewhere where you would not expect it. I have probably missed about 20 chances this year with women because of my laziness lol.

      I would certainly recommend approaching more women in public or go on some kind of hobby course class so you meet women more naturally, i cant suggest anything more than that, i only approach if shes shown some sort of interest to begin with.. Good luck

      • Yh that’s it. You got it in one! I understand what you’re saying and do try to participate/try out new things but I’m working so much at the moment it is almost impossible to join a new club or even begin to think about one where I would find what I’m looking for :/ As regards noticing women checking you out, I have actually looked but haven’t noticed anyone doing so, whether that’s me being blind to it or not I don’t know.

        Thanks for your help!

        • This really depends on how badly you want it Anthony, the word BUT is what holds you back from what you want to do.. as they say action expresses priority.. So choose the life that suits you, we cant have everything. And this sounds like you might need to sacrifice something in your life to free up time, it just comes to what you want more. I believe it all comes down to patience with dating, you’ll meet someone a long the path of life.

          You can definitely come up with ideas yourself, society doesn’t make it easy and online dating is pretty naff from my experience in the past, this is why i say keep a look out for women suggesting their interest, then approach them like you would someone at the bus stop for the time. Coming under the radar like that in an indirect approach will put less pressure on you too.

          Definitely see if you can spot which women check you out in public etc, dont go out looking for it but rather have fun, keep busy and you’ll spot women on the sidelines checking you out, they tend to make it quite obv, they aren’t interested in fantastic looks just a guy who appears confident, sometimes there may already be a woman in your life who is into you but you dont know it yet, has happened to me many times. Good luck bro

  68. Hey.. I need some help.

    There this girl , she sooo beautiful .. Every guy wants her , she’s super popular and I’m this average shy guy.

    We known eachother for awhile but I think she likes me ever since we started talking and hanging out.

    When we hangout she’s always trying to touch my hands or arms or legs , she’s always trying to talk to me or get my attention. When we walk she will offen go in front of me to stop in front of me to put her butt in my crotch. She doesn’t mind me touching her butt , she rubs up against me all the time.

    But the thing is , I just don’t no if she really likes me because she will act like she don’t sometimes or we won’t talk sometimes.

    Anything will help , I just want to know your opinion.


    • Hi Ryan, the fact every guy wants her might seem like you need to be competitive but the truth you don’t need to. Keep your cool and don’t compete for her. If shes already into you and likes you the mostshe’ll ‘always’ choose you over the other guys 🙂 Just play it cool.

      Her touching is a good sign, but never put a woman higher than yourself. Always think of yourself as the prize! 😉 The woman is not the prize but you, if you have that attitude it works wonders. The fact shes trying to get your attention means you should think of yourself as the prize anyway 🙂

      But YES shes into you or at least sexually addicted to you, her letting you touch her is a sign shes into you too.. i think you should get her number and get a meetup sorted sometime. just do it ‘casually’, no rush, just have fun with it. If she wants to meet up with you one day then you already have your answer.

      Girls will meet up with a guy at will outside of school/work if shes very into him, if she wont meet you outside of school etc (im guessing your ages btw) then its likely just a bit of fun for her.

      Sometimes she will have her off days, or she will be busy, its just normal.. get her number though and see where it goes from there.. if you already have her number are you guys texting each other already? It might help me better if you tell me your ages. Good luck

  69. dear jay
    I need help there is this girl on my bus who I liked for a year but I don’t know if she feels the same way. I recently haven’t been riding the bus in about a month and when today I finnaly got back on the bus and she was happy to see me?I jokingly she’s her do you miss me and she laughed and smiled thats just one of the lastest thing.

    • Hey Ray, its hard to say just from what you have written here. Your best bet is to talk to her on the bus and ask if she fancies hanging out some time. Casually get her number and hey presto! From this there is not really any real sign since she could just be friendly, asking someone if they miss you is a on the spot question.

      But perhaps her laughing and smiling is a sign especially if her face lightens up when she sees you. But like i said your best bet is just to ask her if she wants to hang out some time mid convo, if she says yes then get her number just before you get off the bus or she gets off 🙂 Good luck

  70. Please help me out guyz….there is this girl i met about 5days ago and we were talking yesterday in the evening..so i told her jokingly that i’ll one day slap her and she said i cant..so later as we were talking, i just flicked her cheek and she smiled and then walked out on me…later i called her and she said why did i do that?…i dont know why she walked out on me…pls kindly explain this to me

    • Hi Femi, she sounds hurt. Or at least mad at you. But dont look into it too much. It sounds like its still very early, feel free to update me if you want. I cant say anything here tells me much about the situation but it sounds to me like you hurt her, why did you flick her? Its not a very nice thing to do, she was probably angry because you did that to her bro. Good luck

  71. Dear Jay,

    I need your help. There is a girl I have been crushing on, but I am really confuse on how she feels about me. This is my point of view. First: two years ago I was on Facebook and saw that she had answer a “?” about me. It was: “Do you think Carlos is attractive?” Her answer was yes. Later that day I message her as a regular convo and her respond was “whxjsvshdhx” like if she was shock that I found out. I was ready to make my move but I soon found out she started dating. After they broke up I would talk to her and I remember one day telling her what my favorite band was (Zebrahead). She would tease me about them.

    Second: We stop talking last year. But I didn’t give up so I pursue her.i remember one time I went to hang out with and her friends but after realizing that she barely spoke to me, I had decided to leave and went where my friends were. We were on the other side of the school and then she came with one of her friends to use the restroom that was near us. When she left one of my friends said she look back.

    Last: This year I have been hanging out with her and her friends. One time I was walking to one of my classes and was looking down and I knew she was going to pass by. The moment I looked up at her as she was close by I caught her looking at me and she turn around very quick. That is not the only time I have caught her looking at me. She also remember what my favorite band is because she asked me this, “So what is up with that band that you like? Umm.. Zebra….. What was it again?”

    But the problem is that last week I was going to hang out with her and there was a bench next to her empty, so as I was coming she took over the bench so I would sit there. She has done other bad stuff too.

    My question is should I keep pursuing her? Because I don’t even know any more.

    • Carlos, there is many mixed signals in here, even after reading it i cant give you a definite answer to your question, but i will say this, if you have pursued for a while and nothing is happening then stop pursuing and let her come to you.

      There are some signs in there such as her turning away as you catch her looking that make me think she might like you, its likely she is one of these types of girls who may like you but does her best to hide it as to seem ‘cool’ to her friends etc. Your best bet is to go with the flow and see if she opens up over time, feel free to come back and tell me more if anything more happens 🙂 The ‘bad’ stuff sometimes is just her trying to hide her interest.. she might act bad as to throw you off if you get me. Good luck

  72. Hi Jay,

    I hope you enjoyed your holidays and happy new year!
    So to update my situation, from the post on Dec 8, I actually stopped speaking with the girl over the break, which was about 3 weeks or so. But just this week, she called me at 2am while she was drunk I believe, and I didnt pick up because I didnt notice that she called. The next day, I txt her asking if she had called me and I asked her why, and she said that she just thought of me so she decided to call me. When we were txting, she told me that she went to dinner and drank with another guy and I played it cool by saying things like “sounds like you had fun 🙂 ” So my problem is, I still like her and she is always on my mind, but she has many male friends, and I cannot tell if she is dating any of them or just hanging out with them. There are at least 2 guys that I know of that she either hangs out with or dates. I told her lets hang out when she’s done with midterms and she agreed but I dont know whether or not I should still pursue her. I am also wondering whether I should even give her my time since she was very rude to me before we stopped talking and she turned me down several times.

    • Hi John, thanks buddy. Hope you had a good new year and holiday break too 🙂 Firstly do not ask her if she called you as it will look like your expecting it from her which in some case can give your interest away. Part of me thinks she is trying to make you jealous so she probably likes you a bit but you need to accept nothing LESS than a relationship. Do not accept friendship.

      To me if she is bold enough to think of you at 2am and call you then she is bold enough to ask you to meet up. Sometimes there are girls you do not really pursue and in this case she is one of them imo, pursuing though in my world is not always about chasing, its about baiting them in sometimes but you do this by living your life and not giving a damn. I will put it this way for you: if ALL those other guys are her friends (likely they are) then what are they doing differently to you? They are probably kissing her ass and accepting cruddy friendship. By not accepting friendship you are being different.

      So why give a girl attention and chase when she is rude to you? Do not think of this as chasing women, but as women chasing you. what should she do to impress you? Well if this was me, firstly she can stop being rude if she wants to be in my life (my world), next she can call me up to meet up 🙂 the real reason girls have ‘more guy friends’ than girls is simple, ‘attention’ and an easy life to walk over them all.

      The FACT she turned you down several times is testament that she has power over you right now, you need to get that power back. Your the prize bro, not her. Let me know if she tries contacting you again and i will tell you what to do, if she calls you at 2am ignore it, it is immature, then she will feel stupid for calling you at 2 in the morning. Good luck 🙂

      • Thank you so much Jay, you always give me confidence with your answers because it helps me get another perspective on my situation and some guidance on what i should do as well!!

        • Hi John, glad you liked the answer, i always do my best to give the best advice possible 🙂 If ever you need any further advice please don’t hesitate to contact me again. I’m sure you can turn this around mate. Be sure to be back if anything happens. Good luck

  73. Hello, this is my situation…
    There is this girl i knew from some friends (coworkers of her), her best friend told me she was really interested in me so i started talking with her everything went naturally we dated for arround 2 months then i made the step and asked her to be my girlfriend and she refused saying “she doesnt want a relation now” may be in a future she needed to feel more comfortable b4 taking that step i got really mad and i told her it was everything fine but i tried to cut every communication with her…

    since i felt she had not the same interest in me she showed b4, i noticed her very unconfortable, so i asked her if she wanted me to call a cab so she agreed.

    then some time after (arround 1 month) i went with my friends to a party and she was there she was very receptive she tried to get close to me and i wasnt even caring but i was dissapointed of myself or whatever may be dissapointedof her too, i felt she wasnt feeling the same way and the took too much time to cut me off.

    So i was intentionally getting away from her cause i was cured at that point… I thread her with too much indifference… that night i felt bad so i texted with a excuse but she keep the conversation going talking about she felt sorry cause she noticed me bored “i even said that and i said my friends i wanted to leave so i did”, and she sent me a kiss and a hug and i didnt even read the message untill the next day.

    here is where karma comes in since when i saw that kiss and that hug i started remembering all the good moments we expend together we used to date a lot and we used to watch movies on my home every day we used to hold hands and i loved to caress her hands, but she never let me kiss her i made sure to never make her uncomfortable and when i saw she didnt want to i forgot about it.

    she told me about her family even after she left my home we keep talking via voice notes, i felt in love for her those days and she knew that cause at the moment i ask her to be my girlfriend i told her i liked her and i wanted to go serious with her.

    … this is the sad part the next time we meet each other outside i tried to get near of her and she rejected me in every way i even noted she made that on purpose i felt she wanted me to feel bad, she then started going out with a friend of her and she acted like they had something, and i felt real bad (now i know they have nothing), but then another night at my birthday party i tried to hold her hands and she told her best friend i was lil drunk and i was annoying her so he told me and i felt horribly bad and the rest of the night i didnt even stare at her once and i was kinda serious.

    then some time after arround 2 weeks… the next day she told me she wanted cake i tought she felt bad for threating me so bad at that point i was 100% sure she didnt felt nothing more for me than pure shame.

    so i told her i was gonna sabe a piece for her but i never invited her, and the next time we met she was saying i didnt invite her pointing that thing out 3 times. she was ambiguously displaying interest in me and then coldness the whole day we were at beach and she constantly asking to take pictures of we together and i felt she did that just to hug me since every picture she hug me and i felt realy good with her company again.

    but we cant communicate properly only when we are drunk we text for more than 5 minutes she even sent me kisses, i dont do it cause if i dont cut the communivation she cuts me and when she tries to talk with me i cut her cause im afraid shes gonna cut me so we dont text for more than 2 minutes or so is sad.

    when we met and we board a car we always sit one beside other and she tries to talk with me she looks at my eyes and smile that kills me inside but i act like i dont care… but then she swaps to coldness she talks about other guys tring to date her.. etc i dont display interest cause she doesnt let me… I miss her too much and sometimes i feel she misses me too but she is cold and lovely cold and lovely… but she is cold in a way that i really doub tweets about missing someone but i feel thats not me the last 2 messages were wrote while we were near… one said “im still the woman u felt in love… but you are so dumb that u arent awar the misstakes you made” other says “you were always mine but not for me”

    there are 2 details that realy make me doub are “she personally asked me to go to the beach since i told my friend “her best friend i didnt really wanted to go” cause i felt i was gonna get hurt but when she asked me to go i changed my mind and i had a great time that day then at night we talked about how good the day was we were both drunk.

    and another detail is i was talking with 2 girls and one of the conversations was about she being mad cause i didnt invte her but the last line was a mad face i didnt know what to tell her so i didnt open the message after we took pictures she used to take my phone to view the pictures and she sent the pictures by herself from my phone and in some moment i lost my phone she told me she had it on her bag when i checked that conversation with that girl was open… i didnt say a word…

    the fact is i cant really communicate with her cause cuts the chat and being afraid she will do it i end cutting it too. Im pretty sure if i date her she will reject me cause we have common friends and our friends know what happened between us.

    the doub is killing me… what should i do? pls help =(… im not sure if she just wants my attention, playing with me or she really feels love for me.

      • Shorten your comment to at least one third (1/3) of what you posted and i will answer your questions, i rarely answer/read long comments. I will get back to you over the next few days if you re-post a new shorter/smaller comment. Cheers! 🙂 Good luck

      • There is this girl that i really care about…

        I know this girl at the beginning displayed lot of attraction toward me, we dated for 2 months and when i asked her to be my girlfriend she told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship with any one, so i got like mad i didn’t ever shown her i was mad i told her it was all fine but i cut every communication with her and she god mad at me cause of that (mi mistake may be).

        Then we meet in a party again and she was very receptive toward me but was indifferent toward her then, i felt attracted to her again, and she tread me pretty bad with tons of indifference i was 100% sure she didnt want anything with me soi took distance again.

        Now she is cold and then lovely cold and lovely by texts she is damn cold but when we are near she stills cold but she uses excuses to get near me, she plans to go my home “in group” and she asks for pictures with me and hugs me in these pictures. i display some indifference toward her too but sometimes i cannot hide what i feel for her she may randomly take distance from me.

        She also offers me from her drinks even tough i have my own.

        We only text when we are drunk, else shes cold and answer with short answers so i cut communication there.

        I also knew she didn’t want to be my girlfriend cause she still loved or loves her ex boyfriend but as i understand he treads her badly.

        After we took pictures she always used to take my phone and send the pictures to herself from my phone i didn’t care but at some moment she took my phone and disappeared then i asked her for my phone and she told me she had it on her bag… when i checked there was a chat with a female friend of mine read, didnt tell her a word about it since it wasnt important and i felt like she was jealous.

        I sometimes feel like she feels something big toward me, but then i feel like she just doesnt feel anything at all and it hurts me cause i fear to lose my chances (if i really have em) with her by getting away again.

        I dont write her unless i have a really good excuse and when i do it, she uses short answers like she wants to end the conversation, this is the why i really think she may be playing a game with me.

        what to do? Thx alot for your attention.

        • Hi Dante, thanks for shortening that comment, it just makes it easy for me to answer your question. She has just come out of another relationship and therefore i would keep well away from someone with so much emotional baggage, this isn’t truly just about what you want but whats good for you in the mean time. This woman is not good for you at this moment, she is obviously still emotionally involved with her ex.

          What you need to do is back away completely and cut your losses, the fact she told you she is not ready means you now have a chance to put NC into place (no contact). This allows you to detach from this woman and get back to your life, there is nothing you can do to make this woman like you right now otherwise you will only end up trying to control her.

          Her attraction for you could be genuine or you could simply be a rebound, BUT even if she is attracted to you somewhat you need to do the best thing for yourself and that isn’t chasing her. I think the fact you cut contact with her is a good move, cut it completely so you avoid being friendzoned by her, right now she would only use you to make her ex jealous. I would ignore her, she lead you on bro, you deserve better than that. If she keeps contacting you then you can tell her “i need my space right now because our relationship is not working and i think you still have issues to deal with the ex right now”.

          Don’t look at this as your mistake either, it is simply ‘bad timing’ my friend. She is still in tatters, that bond she has with her ex cannot be severed until she chooses to move on and does so. Therefore getting on with your life will show you have much respect for yourself. And also she is treating you bad, this is not the sign of a girl good for you.

          So take the NC approach and focus on you and your life, this woman isn’t ready for a new relationship. Push pull theory (back and forth) wont work with her because it doesn’t matter how much distance you put, the problem is that SHE is not ready to date any new guys. But with time she may get over it. If there is any chance with this girl down the road (in 6 months time) then you may try your luck then but for now go for a girl who is single and not playing around with multiple guys.

          It doesnt matter how badly HE treats her if SHE is treating you badly, do you see what i am saying here? Lets be honest do you think a girl coming out of another relationship can get over her ex in a few days or weeks? This is what i say to many guys who come here. I’d take the chance to get the heck away from this one. She doesn’t deserve your time. You can have much better woman who is ‘completely invested’ in YOU. Find a new girl to date for now, you can always come back here later for more tips my friend. Good luck

      • Well jay your Opinion is just the same as my best friend told me, even tough you don’t know her personality, you got it right… there is a detail i forgot to include: its been around 3 months already since she refused to be my girl friend… But you are pretty right there, could not accept the reality and it is that she is treating me bad.

        I read about rebound too and I was probably a victim of “rebound”, it matches perfectly but the fact is that i know she has to have memories from me.

        Thank for sharing your great experience and taking your time to read and answer my case i really appreciate it.

        Ill take your advice for sure.

        • Hi Dante. Im glad you are seeing the light here to move on and focus on your life. And meet some new women too 😉 There is always that truth that she may never contact you again but if you have not read my NC article/topic i would recommend it if you get a chance. Another thing to know is that if she was with that other guy a long time it would take her a very long to get over it.. and therefore in most cases its not worth it.

          No problem mate, always a pleasure to help and advise 🙂 I wish you luck. To the future

  74. Hey, I’ve suddenly fallen hard for a girl I’ve know for 4 years now, and I have know idea how to talk to her, I’m guessing she has the same feelings toward me nut she’s only shown three of the 7 signs. I have know idea how to know more about her and get closer and look for the sIgns without making it obvious that I like her. This helped me notice if she had an attraction to me, but I’m not clear how to get close without if being weird. Please get back

    • Hi Tim, firstly don’t jump too soon to a conclusion. 3 signs alone won’t define if she likes you or not, of course there is a chance but i would put more importance on sign 7 being the most important out of them all. I think you should test this a bit, ask her if she wants to go out sometime. If she gladly says yes in an excited manner then its likely shes into you, if shes not up for it then its likely shes not interested.

      Any girl who is interested will show it through her actions+body language. If she wont jump at the chance to see you then you have a clear answer. Telling her how you feel wont make a difference so your best bet is to find out if she is giving you any signs that are more obvious ones. If you give me examples of what she does toward you that make you think she likes you then i will confirm to you whether it is romantic interest or not. Good luck 🙂

  75. Well I liked this girl ever since I 1st seen her but she never liked me as more then a friend but recently we been texting almost everyday we hung out 3times but the 2 times we recently hung out I noticed while we was talking she would be playing with her hair my friends are telling me maybe she’s finally looking at me as a potential boyfriend but I’m not sure and I asked her but she said she’s not really looking 4 anything yet what should I do about this situation

    • Greg i would expect nothing from this i.e lessen your expectations. As for what to do in the mean, go with the flow, just have more time hanging out. Don’t ask her out again officially, just have fun.

      If she grows to like you it will be obvious in her body language.. my thoughts are the hair thing may be a sign but not really a strong enough sign. The fact she told you she was not looking for anything imo is not a good sign, it usually means she is not interested.. but go with the flow, perhaps she will open up later but don’t put too much thought on it happening so that if it doesn’t your not disapointed. Wish you luck

  76. ohh I am in love with my mum’s best friend…who is mum and have 2 children what can I do …to do her to love me ? (sorry for my bad english I am from greece)

    • Helen, well definitely start by talking to her 🙂 haha. I am not sure what else to tell you, just go with the flow and talk to her, get to know her then ask her out to the movies or something.. or even for a coffee. Something casual. Good luck

  77. Hey Jay I’m a Freshman in high school. I recently started to talk to this girl I seemed to have an interest for. She said i was sweet and cute and i noticed she has started to ask alot of questions. We have been talking/texting for about two weeks and sharing personal feelings but recently she asked me, ” if I have ever been in love” and I replied, ” Not really what about you you” and she said,” some person I met in summer” and I said foolishly, ” what happened” and she replied,” We’ll I I guess I STILL LIKE HIM or idk, we stopped talking, and yea I see him at school but its awkward talking to him.” What is this suppose to mean she says I’m cute gives me all these hints that she wants to be with me and she goes right ahead and says she still may have FEELINGS for this guy. As of right now I don’t know what to do Am I in the friend zone now, is she testing how I might handle this, or is she just not in to me. At this moment I feel hurt, sad, and kind of used for some reason. I really don’t know what to do. Please reply back because I really am confused at the matter.

    • Hey Nathan, the problem here is not what you did, you did not screw up bud. There was nothing you could do here to make her like you since all a long she was into the other guy, some things such as this are out of our control. If anything she screwed up especially if she lead you on. This is not fair on you because she likes the other guy but is using you for comfort.

      The best thing to do is to tell her that whilst she is still into the other guy you cannot be close to her because you do not want to be the guy she comes to for advice etc. Right now she is rebounding, if you don’t know what a rebound is, it simply means she seeks someone for security to get over the other guy, the only problem with this is that she is into the other guy more than you and that is a red flag if you want something serious with her. Why settle for second place?

      The bottom line is she told you she had feelings for the other guy therefore her signs here are her probably either leading you on or looking for attention from you to feel good about herself. I am not sure you are in friendzone permanently but if you want to get out of it then simply be less of friends and see and speak to her less.. she must get over him before you go anywhere with this girl.. even though she may be angry or upset if you pull away thats a good sign because it means she cares. But you don’t deserve to be the guy on the side so being the guy that got away will make you more attractive.

      Eventually she will get over this guy unless he takes her back etc. I dont blame you for feeling used.. she should have no control of you therefore end this friendship temporary until you detatch from it, the more you encourage this loving friendship with the more she will use you till you decide enough is enough. always give yourself the respect and happiness you deserve, right here she isnt really respecting your feelings by leading you on. Even if she is not aware she is doing it to you. I know this is a late response but because of christmas i’ve been hella busy recently. Take it easy. Good luck

  78. I have a question… I saw a girl that I hadn’t seen for a long time. We went to Elementary school together, but were never friends, as we never had classes together. We saw each other at a club. We both have a thing for fashion, so I suggested we go shopping together and she said “done” I wasn’t really sure what she meant by that…but we had been messaging each other a couple times a day on facebook, after a few days I said I was going Christmas shopping and she said she’d “definitely go with me” and that she couldn’t turn down a shopping day, but the weekend rolled around and I asked if she had any plans and it was her birthday weekend so she was busy and she said ” don’t worry we’ll hang out soon” but it seems she’s lost a bit of interest…as she only really responds to my questions and never really asks me much. Should I just stop messaging her and wait to see if she’d message back and if not just move on? Or ask her for her number and push the pace a little more. I’ve taken it slow, as she’s extremely hard to read.

    • Hi Talexm, usually a woman agreeing to go somewhere with you is a good sign in itself especially if she hardly knows you in person. But on its own i cant say a yes 100% she was or is interested. The GOOD thing however is that its very rare a woman will meet you just to be friends because she probably has enough friends in other areas of her life.

      But being honest you kinda screwed up when you asked her if she had any plans this weekend, why did you ask that when you could have just said “still coming?”. Even then i would not have chased her up on it. Since it is was you who is going shopping for himself anyway she is only a tag along therefore it should be her chasing you up on it. By saying “do you have any plans this weekend” you made it look like her coming out this weekend was of importance i.e shes thinks your interested, the way you asked was unnecessary but i can understand why you asked, but to a woman its too personal, its about her and not about the meeting. ‘Always’ watch her actions; notice how she did not contact you or bring up about meeting up later in the week? The reason she did not remind you about meeting up meant her actions show she was not that interested in meeting up.

      She ‘may’ have lost interest because you perhaps kept pushing to meet up or talked to her too much, it could also be because there is someone else in her life. Take a break from talking to her and let her come to you more often. Not asking questions is a bad sign indeed. Letting a woman come to you is as important as actually chasing her, im sure by pulling away she should become intrigued agan. BUT yes stop messaging her, find something to take your mind off her for now, keep yourself busy in the mean time. In push pull theory all you have to do is pull away till she grows interested again while keeping busy. If she doesn’t get interested again from you pulling away its likely she never was.

      ‘Only’ ask for a woman’s number in this case if shes interested, don’t chase that what runs away or shows disinterest. From the whole post my guess is that she ‘was’ interested at first but because you were in too much of a rush to see her and speed things up her alarms went off, asking a woman to if she has any plans is not casual enough.. it screams to her “oh he is trying to get me alone and he is making his plans all about me”. For example when you ask your guy friends to do something you need to speak to her in the same manner, another bad example is “id like to get to know you” which will always get a woman thinking your after something from her.

      I always say to guys here, if shes interested it will be obvious, if the signs are confusing then its probably because she isn’t. Sometimes women lose interest then come back later with renewed interest, that is a possibility.. if she chases you up later then she may still be interested, just make sure she tries to invite herself rather than you making out that you want to see her, she doesn’t want to be seen, she wants to go shopping if you get me. Good luck

  79. Hello Mr. Rando
    I have a friend of about three weeks. We see each other every other day and text on the days we are not together. In the begining she told me that she just wanted to be friends and that she wasn’t looking for a relationship. I have always had a thing for this girl, even before we started talking and hanging out, so I have been very focused on building attraction with her. In this past week I have noticed several signs that is making me think that she is becoming more and more attracted to me. There is one however, that confuses the hell out of me. She is constantly saying things about not having a boyfriend (right now) and being single for the rest of her life. She mentions this only when I’m with her, and points this out multiple times a day. So, is she hinting to me to ask her out or what? I am honestly conflicted of what to think of it and I am hoping that you would give me your opinion. Please respond ASAP, as I am scared of missing out on a relationship with her to someone else. Thanks

    • Hey Melvin. Usually i preach watching their actions over their words but what seems to me to be happening here is that she may be into you at a core level but your showing too much interest, that is the impression i am getting. At least at the beginning you were anyway.

      If you do feel she is getting more attracted recently then its likely you are doing something correctly recently, watch her body language and her actions around you more than her words, what is her body language like with you, does she like to be close to you, touch you etc? Its good to take a mental note of the things you are doing right now if you feel you are getting somewhere, if you are getting somewhere then keep doing the same stuff. Do not up your interest suddenly and ask her to be your girlfriend though, why? because she made it clear before she wanted to be friends, she will need to try harder than. Keep it at the level it is now.

      The thing about not having a boyfriend and never having one could mean 1 of 2 things.. she is looking for one, it doesn’t necessarily mean with you but it could, i would think that if she wanted a relationship with you she would be completely obvious with you, is she being obvious or are you over reading it? That is the main question 🙂 If you go directly for asking her out officially and she says no then you screwed up for absolutely no reason, so what other way is there to go? Try this: I suggest doing this, ask her to go somewhere casually she likes or enjoys.. maybe you could suggest watching a film together at cinema or if she likes picnics suggest that, if she says YES to doing those things with you then its likely shes into you.. like i said its in her ACTIONS. Asking a woman out officially is pointless unless your confident 100%, there is a difference between a woman who will freely spend alone time with you and one that says “naa i don’t feel like doing that, maybe another time”, one is interested and one isn’t.

      Another important thing: If she ‘behaves’ like your girlfriend now (feminine and submissive) she wants to be committed to you. A woman literally throws herself at you when she wants you. I’m not saying she should be the one to ask you out therefore let her suggest she wants more before you go head in first. Your only weakness here is your fear of losing her and feeling a need to rush, there is no rush, if she is yours she will she will say YES to going anywhere with you even if its for a stroll in the park, the idea is to set a ‘meetup’ and see how that goes with her, if she says NO on two occasions to go out somewhere with you then asking her out is pointless since her actions already told you she isn’t.

      Reading her actions and body language is more important than asking a woman out officially, that is the point, and if she does say YES to going these places with you keep an eye on whether she touches you, teases you (including signs already stated in this article). Its her chance to put the effort in to show you mean something to her, if she doesn’t then shes not interested. Good luck

      • Preach Jay-man .!!!!! …..
        Melvin … I was in the same position as you are right now but for me it is too late now …
        Do everything he says and most importantly:
        Lose the fear of losing her.
        She ain’t the only one. Hence if you think that way, you’re just gonna keep doing what you were doing that attracted her to you in the first place – you being you !!!

        Good luck man.

        if you put someone on pedestal and make them feel that they are better than you, you are not making them feel special. All you are doing is making yourself look of a lesser than them.
        Would you settle for someone you felt was below you ????

  80. I know a girl that has done all of these to me on several occasions….thing is she’s in a relationship of 3 years. we’re both in college and I’m usually pretty good with girls but she’s really throwing me off here. any advice?

    • Hi, i would not even go near someone taken, it spells trouble.. why? because she will cheat on him for you then cheat on you for him, the cycle never ends mate. Its best to focus on single girls who arent gaming around with lots of guys. Less trouble too. The only time i would go for her is if she becomes single. If not then imo its just a waste of time being a 2nd option. Good luck

  81. Very insightful article by the way
    I have a question to ask you Jay.
    So i started talking to this girl in class and in the beginning, we got along very well and would flirt in class. We would talk on the phone late at night for a few hours throughout the week. I asked her out to eat several times, but she turned me down. One day she actually asked me out to go eat and I agreed but it wasnt a date or anything, just to grab food, and we ended up talking for a few hours after that just. A few weeks later, we were flirting in class but I didn’t want to seem rude in front of the teacher (as she was right in front of us) so I didn’t reciprocate the flirting and she got mad at me. For weeks after that and even until now, she would not even look at me when i looked at her and if she ever did, she would give me a look of disgust. She is like this in person, but when we txt she is nice and always replies back to me. More recently, since she does not even look at me, i started to flirt with my other friend who sits right next to me and I have kind of ignored the girl I like because she won’t even acknowledge me. Even on the last day of class, I was saying bye to everyone in my group (which included her) and she wouldn’t even look at me. On that day, I asked her to go out to eat since I might not see her again, and she said yes, but she was with another guy from class and when I told her that I didnt want to intrude, she said dont be silly, so I ended up going. During the whole time, she wouldnt even look at me when I asked her a question and would respond in short answers. But whenever the classmate asked her a question, she would always smile and answer.

    The question I have is, is she still interested in me and should I continue to pursue her? or should I just completely back off. I am asking this because our quarter is now over and I might not have any more classes with her ever again.

    Excuse me for telling my whole life lol

    • and I forgot to add that when we txt, she is sometimes mean in her responses, but will tell me about what’s going on in her life without me even asking, and sometimes tells me about plans that she has with other guys

      • i also forgot to mention that she seems to be uncomfortable around me now and i also wanted to ask in your opinion, does she view me only as a friend?

        thank you

      • As for this comment.. this could very well be her way of making you jealous.. telling you her plans is a GOOD sign mate. If shes telling you she has plans with other guys sounds to me she could be trying to make you jealous 😉

        Solution: be confident and DO NOT get jealous.. Act like this “that is cool, have fun with your date ;)” it will really surprise her in a good way trust me 😉 Because it will show you do not fear to lose her or to another guy… and at the same time you are being sincere by wishing her well. IF you have her number then she will remain in contact if she likes you. Good luck mate

    • Hey John, thanks!

      Personally i think she is overreacting my friend, you did not want to get in trouble by the teacher.. let her come to you when she starts behaving and gets over it. She is being silly. I think you are too focused on what she thinks of you, dont care what she thinks of you and you will be in a stronger position

      If she is responding in short answers that is a BAD sign however her not looking at you is usually a GOOD sign. Its hard to really say whats wrong with her.. shes either shy when with you and talking to you which makes her reply with short answers or.. she is simply not interested. Sometimes i can say when i had ‘mean’ girls take a liking to me its because they felt rejected by me for something i did before, in my case the girl was mean because i liked her and another girl but chose the other girl.. i.e the girl she felt hurt because i did not ask her out (i am not trying to give you any ideas here to chase her, don’t do that!).

      I am not sure if she ‘was’ or is ‘still’ interested so go with the flow and act like everything that happened so far is NO big deal.. for all we know she could be trying to make you jealous which means she’s into you. But the key here is to be confident, believe that if she likes you she will come back to you at some point with renewed interest, you get me here? Because if she is worth your time she will keep talking to you over phone/internet etc.

      But yes back off but remain open, don’t chase.. if she likes you she will make it known or hang around you more. Either way if you back off an interested woman will try to get your attention still.. if she doesn’t try to get your attention anymore then move onto a new girl. I know bit behind on the posts but it takes me a longer to get around to the longer comments (plus Christmas).. Hope it goes well bud, keep me posted. Good luck

      • Hi Jay,

        I hope you enjoyed your holidays and happy new year!
        So to update my situation, I actually stopped speaking with the girl over the break, which was about 3 weeks or so. But just this week, she called me at 2am while she was drunk I believe, and I didnt pick up because I didnt notice that she called. The next day, I txt her asking if she had called me and I asked her why, and she said that she just thought of me so she decided to call me. When we were txting, she told me that she went to dinner and drank with another guy and I played it cool by saying things like “sounds like you had fun :)” So my problem is, I still like her and she is always on my mind, but she has many male friends, and I cannot tell if she is dating any of them or just hanging out with them. I dont know whether or not I should ask her to hang out or not because the last few times I asked her, she denied all of my requests. I am also wondering whether I should even give her my time since she was very rude to me before we stopped talking and she turned me down several times.

  82. There is this girl I like who I am taking class together with. I stare at her couple times in the first week of class. And one day, she just sit by my side. She doesn’t have to and there are plenty of empty sit around. I think it’s a good sign, but I am always so nervous around her. Time past and I never have a chance and guts to talk to her until we were assigned in the same group on a project. When we were working as a group, I sit next to her and try to make her laugh. She seems lean toward me. And when the project is done, I finally have a chance and guts to ask her out for lunch. She said yes and were smiling. The day before the lunch, she canceled on me. I think that’s a gently “no”, though she left me a message saying that we can try again next week. Through the week when we were class together, she seems cold to me. Doesn’t talk much or response much when I try talking to her. Until the end of the week, I ask her out again for lunch and she said ok.
    We were talking and laughing during our lunch together. And when I walk her back to her department, I said “do you want to walk around the city when we have more time.” She just said “yea” and smile (guess she just being nice).
    The nightmare begins after this… next day, she totally ignore me in class and this continue for a week… I just felt really uneasy and tried ask her what really happened or if I didn’t something that make her annoyed. She didn’t say much.
    That night I sent her an email and being honest that I just want to talk to her more, or if I am overthinking things. She said that I am being too serious and she’s already seeing someone. That as being friend, I am a bit pushy and that put her off sometime. I feel really hurt and have no idea what to say. I thought I screw things up and taking things too fast ( I didn’t say I like her or anything, I didn’t even thought of or have a guts to ask her out for a proper date) Yet, some friends said I am not putting enough effort, some say that I should see her as a friend and take it slow.
    But now, I just feel confused and don’t even know how to talk to her anymore. And after a weekend, she even blocked me from chat (she invited me to gchat). Since then I deleted all her contacts (gchat, cell phone) and decided that I should stay away from her. I don’t look at her neither sit close to her now even in class. Although in my heart, I still want to talk to her normally and see her as friend, I feel really hurt of being treated by her like dirt. I wish there is a second chance between us. I think it’s ok that she told me honestly that I am not her type. (I would have just cried) But why does she hate me so much? Do you think we can start off as friends again?

      • I think she really despises me. I distance myself away from her. Class’s over and I don’t think I will see her again. These days, I just focus myself in other things or hang out with friends. But when she walked pass me today by the end of class, she gave me that annoying look on her face… I never feel so bad about myself. And my heart crushed a little bit more

        • Pak yeah..Move on my friend and go for the single girls. She sounds like trouble anyway. Focus on your friends etc like you are doing now, that is the way forward, well done for toughing it out, you will get through it 🙂 Another girl will be around the corner waiting to give you her all. Good luck

    • Hi Pak, bit of a delay response to your post, with xmas approaching i have been a little busier than usual.. if you shorten messages i will be able to reply much sooner.

      I commend you for having the bravery to ask her for lunch, but i think she has either lost interest or was not interested to begin with. I also must question whether you have been chasing her down too much. If a woman ever cancels lunch or a meetup with you let her organize the next one, never ask twice in a row.

      BUT now i have read the bottom of your message you have missed the point entirely, she told you took it too serious and she was taken therefore your chances are nil. Do not try it on with someone who is taken…

      Therefore the problem is: shes taken and you were too pushy.. as she told you. But take from the good points my friend, you were brave to ask her for lunch, but to me it seems like she just wanted to be friends all long and treat he lunch as something friendly.

      TIP: when you ask a woman for lunch next time do not expect that she will date you simply because she said yes to lunch. If she is taken its better to get over this girl and move on heal and take it easy bro. Keep busy and keep yourself occupied so she is not on your mind.

      As for your last part of your message although you did not say you liked her flat out SHE knew you liked her, why? because you over analyzed it too much to the point of caring too much about the outcome of the situation.. look at it from her perspective, when you asked “did i do something wrong?” and the rest you cared too much and she knew exactly what you wanted from her, if you did not care much about a date why would you be questioning and analyzing so much?

      Therefore she knew you liked her and found out because of your actions toward her. Actions speak louder than words. I agree with staying away from her (good move), anything more from her will feel like she is leading you on. You get over this mate, recover from it and you will meet a new girl soon i promise 🙂 if she treats you like dirt logically you should not want to be with her… Think about it, you will be fine. Good luck

      • I learnt something important that I shouldn’t ask a girl twice in a row. I really never know this before. And you are right, though, I didn’t expect she would date me just because we’re going out for lunch.. but unconsciously I do, and I am also scare that it will only be the once and only lunch. As a result, all she felt from me is nothing but pressure and I screw the friendship between us as well… Thanks Jay. I will get over her since she’s already taken. ( I had some heartbreaking experience once, and I don’t want to go over it again)
        I wish you an early warm merry christmas.

        • Hi Pak, glad you are managing to smile through it, i know you felt very much for this girl but you are doing a good thing by moving on. Even then us guys don’t realize that moving on does not mean the girl cannot like us 1 year later, sometimes this is a possibility too 🙂 I would not be scared by the one and only lunch, i think as long as you don’t expect anything from her she will come out of her shell, more importantly if she seems to exaggerate your interest in her she is not a good friend anyway. Women always worry how they look to everyone else anyway 🙂

          It seems you know what to do, anytime you need more advice, support or any tips feel free to come back my friend, i am always here 🙂 Good luck

          I wish you a very warm happy Christmas too my friend!

  83. Dear sir :
    I really like this girl and I am very honest to her. I told her that I am currently divorce for 7 years and have kids . I buy her gifts every Thursday ( my day off from work ) and I help her with her homework. She smiles when we talk and she poke me on my side when she is happy . However, she keeps telling me that we are just friend. She knows how I feel cause I told her that I like her a lot. I told her that if she doesn’t like me then when she graduate from college I can leave her alone . She got angry with me and said that she is not someone that play with someone’s emotion and friend don’t do things like that. She knows how I feel , so if she doesn’t like me why she still keeps me around ? My kids like her and her mom gets along with me very well. I am 8 years older than her . She is 24 right now. Do u think I have a chance with her ? Thank u for your time

    • Hey Mike, firstly cut down on all the gifts and homework help.. she has to mature too y’know. If your always giving her gifts she wont see you as a challenge, if your always helping her with her homework she will never learn by herself.

      Otherwise there could very well be something there, she poking you is a good thing but the fact she tells you your friends is not. The fact you told her how you feel has given away all the mystery you once had and she may not like you as much now.. but this is something you have to take seriously.. are you life long friends or just friends for a short while? If you haven’t been friends long i would slowly cut her out of your life, you should not agree to being friends.. otherwise you will carry on being unhappy and she will keep using you.

      Its not wrong to cut the friendship because you need to get over her (the secret is that getting over her and putting distance in place is part of being attractive, you get me?). If she get angry that you don’t want her friendship IT COULD be a sign she likes you.. or has some feelings left over but your never going to get her to like you until you become less of a pushover and tell her that you do not want friendship. But do answer the question on how long you have known her. It’s your needs over hers and stop giving her gifts and doing her homework, she is old enough to do her own homework and tell you gifts wont win her over. Good luck

  84. Hi,I’m Alex and I’m 11.And I gave a letter 2 a girl about a walk In the park and she said yes(in person)and she sounded like she wanted me to actually do it.a few months ago I tried talking to her and she was super shy:(.so tmr I’m gonna ask her 0ut but I don’t know if she likes me….………

    • Hi Alex, chat to her and make her open up abit, if she is shy or nervous i would not ask her out straight away.. chat to her first so she feels a lot more comfortable around first. There isn’t really anything you said here that tells me she likes you saying ‘yes’ to going with you may be something to go off 🙂 Good luck

  85. So this girl and I have been good friends since September, we have recently talked and I told her she was the only girl at work who I’d consider talking to/dating and she said the same to me. She said we see each other too much at work though and she’s not into the “clingy” nonsense, which neither am I. I told her if we hooked up or what not that I wouldn’t be stuck up her butt at work and she said she wouldn’t allow it, point taken. Then her and some friends went out the other night and I received word from one who is a co worker that on the way to the club she old them that I had asked her out. They were like really? What’d you say? She said she said no, but technically I never asked her to be my girlfriend? She’s picking me up for work tonight and I have no clue how to handle the situation. Any advice you may have would be surely appreciated and as promptly as you could answer the better since I go into work at 11 haha. Thank you.

  86. I need advice ts unussual circumstances im very attracted to my lawyer. I think she is attracted to me too she rubs my leg underneath the table I cant tell if its by accident just her brushing hup against me but she sits with her legs crossed toward mine. I cant help but blush when she touches me and our eyes seem to lock. She went to hug me the last time after our meeting and I kind of just went for a hand shake but noticed that her legs were shaking and she blushed and said I get so excited that I just want to hug,she caught me off guard with the whole hug. Id hug her anyother time after that. How do I approach this situation, I need some good advice. Considering the circumstancs of it being her work, I feel like I want to bearoundher more im developing feelings for her (whereas im alreadu in a relationship )to the point where I fantasize about her. I dnt want to get her in trouble with her job but I feel like there is something more there……

    • Nat.. sounds like she is definitely sexually interested.. as for if shes interested in a relationship that could likely be part of the deal. If she knows your taken its likely her throwing her ego around, if she doesn’t know your taken she is probably interested genuinely and probably wants a date. I would be careful though, girls this forward are generally indicating sexual thoughts so she may just want sex rather than a relationship, there is that risk.

      Though i would put my money on her liking you genuinely. You could possibly get her number but its not fair on your current girlfriend so make sure that if you do pursue another woman your current girl isn’t being lead on. Have respect for both girls and pursue what you want most. Just remember also that if you leave your current relationship the other girl might not take you back (there is that risk). Ask her out casually for a drink, if the meetup goes well then decide what your going to do there. Good luck

  87. Hi Jay

    It is sue again. May you help me with mine. May i ask about libra women like to do the pursuing or the chase or do they prefer me to do the chase. Please help. I like this libra girl

    • Hey Sue i am not really a big believer in horoscopes and such but i have dated Libras before and I noticed that they show interest indirectly, they don’t usually pursue directly but they will give signs they are interested. But if im being quite honest everyone is different, some women do like to do some of the pursuing also. You would be best to look for a site on horoscopes, if you have not read my reply to your other comment please do, you will find everything in that 🙂 Good luck

      PS: Scroll down to November 25th comemnts to see my answer to your ‘other’ comment, its all in there.

        • Sure can 🙂 But you read the article right lol?
          Here are some of the better signs i would say she gives you when she likes you:

          1) Treats you differently to others especially guys
          2) Spends most of her time with you
          3) Her focus is always on you i.e she looks at you a lot or everything she does finds it way back to you
          4) She smiles when she sees you, seems excited/hyper or really feminine around you.
          5) She seems to stick up for you a lot or helps you with class work etc.
          6) She will ask you really personal questions about yourself (taking an interest in your life or hobbies etc) or take care of you in general
          7) She will sit or stand close to you, touch you or tease you

          I hope this helped. Good luck 🙂

          • Thank you Jay. Sorry for asking you. I wish know a website for guys that dated a libra woman what sign she gave them and their experience committed long term or a

  88. Ok, so me and this girl have been friends for years, and then I finally tell her I like her, and she said she likes me back. I then asked her out a ffew days later and she said that she wanted to hang out more before we would go out. We text each other every day. We have really fun conversatins, we always text each other right back. Say goodnight everynight. And in the past couple of weeks I have hung out with her and her friends like 4 times. We are really playful with each other over texts, and we go to seperate schools. Her friends say she has had a crush on me for like 6 years. She is always asking me questions about myself. And says hi to me whenever I see her. Does she really like me and would be interested in going out in the future? Or is she just playing me and fishing for compliments?

    • Left this part out, but a couple of weeks ago her friends invited me to a bond fire, and she wouldn’t come outside for like 15 minutes because she thought she looked ugly! When in reality she looked amazing 🙂

      • Hi Sam. Sounds like she really was crushing bad for all that time that asking her out was a piece of cake, awesome. It sounds like shes not ready for the relationship quite yet which means having a few meetups first, as she has turned down the first time let her come to you too. Hang out as you usually do, casually and playfully as usual. I doubt her friend would lie to you personally, if her friend told you she likes you then its most likely true. I dont see what fun they would get out of lying, you know what i mean?

        I think part of this is that your going to have extreme patience here, i understand you are excited but slow down and go about this slowly and things will work out eventually 🙂 IT sounds like she is insecure about her looks therefore don’t go overboard with complimenting her looks, just say it once if you as saying it more than once might come off insincere to her, she might think your lying the more you say it.

        There isn’t much else i can say here except go with the flow, i think part of her insecurities are also part of why she is taking some time before being in a relationship, she needs your trust and someone who can hang on for a while before she is feels more comfortable with a relationship. But that time will come with patience 🙂 Good luck

  89. Hi Jay,

    At work, I saw a nice looking girl who was waiting outside HR office alone. I just casually asked her if she was here for an interview and if she was nervous and she replied yes. I then told her not to get stressed and the interview will come out just fine. After 2 weeks, I meet her at a desk working as a trainee in another floor but unfortunately she does not have any phone. We see and say hi to each other and just as I am returning to my desk, I hear her asking her coworker my name.
    I just send her a mail saying hi and asking how is work goin on. She replies it`s ok. Then I ask her if the work is ok, then either she does not have any1 to talk to or she is getting bored. She agrees that she is getting bored with the work she has been just given. So I tell her that we should meet at lunch to talk when she is free. She agrees and tells me; ” Yeep, maybe tomorrow”. I just want to know how to proceed now koz I fear I may not be able to keep the conversation goin on if we ever take lunch. Also wat to do if she does not say anything about lunch or she does not come to lunch wiz me?

    Thx again for all your tips that you give…

    • Hey Darknezz. Seems i might be a day behind on this comment. Did she keep her promise of having lunch with you, in some situations like this your either gonna win or lose, its just about finding out if your gonna win or lose or not, taking the risk is all that is important. Just be yourself, don’t hit on her too much, make her feel comfortable if she comes off a little ‘uncomfortable’ or nervous. I am hoping you get another chance to see her at lunch so i will just advice you on what i would have wrote had it been yesterday.

      Your fear of not being able to keep the conversation going is just part of a belief that limits you right now, how do you know if you CAN keep a convo going? Simply by doing it, trying it, see how it goes. I can advise what you could talk about though; talk about what you do at work, if that seems boring to talk about ask her things about herself, perhaps where she is from, what she does in her spare time or if she has any ambitions or hobbies. Asking her what she likes to do is always a winning conversation. You can always go from that to talking about yourself, sometimes its best just to talk slowly and calmly. I reckon once you get a few mins into the conversation you will be fine mate 🙂 Good luck

      • Hi Jay,
        Thanks for your reply.
        Unfortunately, she didn`t confirm for lunch as you might have doubted it. On friday, then I just sent a mail telling her” I no ur very busy wiz work but I leave decision upto u when ur free to have lunch wiz me” She instantly replied, she will confirm but she already has plans for friday. I also asked her number n as I was expecting I didnt get it. Well this week I will be off to a training for 3 full days and wont be available. I`m thinking not to send any mail to her this week or pester her for lunch. I have already asked her 3 times and I think if she is nt accepting, then either she isn`t interested or am just nt her type or she`s too nervous to come wiz me. Then I think maybe I should look elsewhere…. Please advise wat to do in this case. Can you pls explain as to why do girls give us some hope n then when we make a move, they just don`t respond to it favorably…

        Thx again Jay.

        • Hey Darknezz, tbh to me i believe you simply tried to push it too much and went too fast.. asking her 3 times in a row!? First advice: ask once and thats it. Then its on her. If she missed the lunch date then i would expect her to ask me for lunch again or rearrange it when shes less busy, there is a chance she may not have been interested but you did say you were getting some sort of signs so she prob was interested.

          But at least you had the balls to do it. Some other advice: this message of yours ”I no ur very busy wiz work but I leave decision upto u when ur free to have lunch wiz me” i would not have sent that. For two reasons don’t tell her ‘whenever you want’ as if shes the one who can decide when and how, it actually means you have let her dictate when she gets to see you and the ‘meeting’ is all about her.. when really it should be more like “well im going for lunch, you should come” so it looks like your doing something and SHE is the tag along, you get me? Your message and the amount of times you asked came off like you were looking for something. Anytime you get a ‘no’ or ‘im busy’ just leave it and let her re-organize it.

          The idea when asking a woman for lunch is to do it at a ‘person level’ with no obvious intention other than to have dinner and get to know her indirectly as a ‘person’, sort of like “would be nice to catch lunch with you tomorrow” and just that, that would work, but when she was reading the message ‘you’ sent above what was going through her mind? Something like: oh hes looking for a date, to go out with me, hes asked 3 times and he seems to really badly want this dinner, being a little pushy etc (for a woman pushing is like twice as much). Do you get what i mean here?

          I say this just to sharpen you up more than anything. Then again leave it to her now to do something and if she doesn’t onto the next.. to me it was because you gave away the impression you wanted to badly see her or date her, she felt this from your actions. The idea is for her to feel there is no sneaky intention to get in a RS (nor to quickly get there) etc. Its hard to explain how women think but if this helps then thats good, im glad.

          Also dont ask for a number until shes actually interested.. asking for a number is only worth if she actually seems receptive to everything else so far.. and she seems interested.. but here it just sounds like you got disinterest but missed the clues. I think she may very well know your agenda.

          Rule of thumb:
          she shows disinterest = pull back
          she shows interest = you step forward

          Yeah don’t pester for lunch (you got that right), you have done enough so let her come to you bro. Hopefully she will. Imo she was probably interested in you i just feel you jumped at the first sign of interest too much, patience and little steps at a time is all you need mate and women will open up slowly like that, thats how they know your serious about a relationship (by not being in a rush to see her/get her alone etc). You will get it next time though mate. Good luck 🙂

          • Hi again Jay,

            Thx 4 ur tips, Looks like I fucked this one up, but practice makes perfect ;-). Il c what happens this week, if I get any reponse, il post it here or else, Il catch up wiz the next one.

            Thx and keep up the gud work. Ur tips are definitely going to help me…

          • Np mate. lol that was straight to the point, agreed on practice 🙂 As they say sometimes losing is just learning how to win, sometimes its gotta happen for things to get better, many times i fcked up good chances with women too in the past, you could say its all part of being the man, learning etc.

            Sounds good man, get a response be sure to be back 🙂 Thanks for the support too. Have a good weekend.

  90. Hi Jay … I’m in a bit of bind here and I need some advice mate. This is the best condensed version of my problem. Patience please cos it’s a good one. Here goes ….. *deleted for privacy reasons*

      • Hi Bob.

        So i read through your message quickly up to a certain point. Conclusion: she doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now, or at the least with you. Going from your message if she said “but we’re just mates” then back off, she likes the attention you give her but that is all (right now). Your intentions or your wants don’t mean anything if she doesn’t want a relationship with you. Telling her your intentions or trying to impress wont do anything either because she is not attracted to you at a relationship level. I tell guys all the time to stop looking at their own interest and start looking at her interest. She is not playing hard to get she is just not that interested. The only hope of you boosting her attraction in you is by actually becoming attractive on the inside. The fact she allows you into her life is a good thing but i believe its what your doing that is not working (plus her inner conflict issues).

        I think the main issues are that you are over analyzing this and being a little desperate too, unless you change this no woman will take you serious. The main reason she probably isn’t attracted like that is because you keep doing the same stuff over and over, your stuck in a loop till you get out of it. Telling her how much you like her or care for her will do jack all. Carrying all the emotional baggage she has your probably best giving the woman a break and focusing on someone else right now. The fact she talks about her exes a lot is also a red flag that your playing with fire. Leave the girl alone, let her get over her cr*p and her past that is probably playing on her mind right now. As for you i would seriously consider reading some books on becoming attractive and more masculine, I’m being serious, forget looks and all that. Spend this 9 weeks away doing something that takes your mind off her and over thinking it. ALSO avoid all the kissing her before you leave and smothering etc, she doesn’t want it or need it.

        As for getting her to be in a relationship with you i would not expect too much, if she has friend zoned you (including FWB) then move on. If she hasn’t then the best thing you can do anyway is walk away from this until you change your approach and mindset to it all so when you do come back your not coming off as someone trying to hit on her, also avoid all sex etc until your actually in a relationship. I am all for pursuing women, every man should, but pursuing at the wrong times and doing it too much is not the way forward either, its good she pursues you but right now your 1) not striking the balance right; too available 2) she is wants attention but is all she is wanting, therefore try at a later date, right now its hopeless 3) she will find you more attractive if you need this the least.. Good luck

      • Thanks Jay .. Thats Superb & exactly what I was looking for … I know what to do now.
        Also, I knew I was going to annoy you with my “thesis” question … so … my apologies.
        However, one last thing.
        I hadn’t actually talked to anyone about this till a couple of nights back (after I wrote this) … and they came back with exactly what you had said. However they are perplexed by one thing only ..

        Why does this girl
        1. Allow me to touch her- ie. back, shoulder, her hands, fingers, back of the neck & hair ?
        2. Not pull away when I do this ?


        • Welcome. Its not really a case of being annoying/annoyed but a case of using your head before posting mate. The reason i replied was because you commented twice but i usually don’t reply to long comments, you seemed like you really needed the advice so i chose to reply.

          As to your question: two words ‘attention seeking’ just as all women do, there may be something there but a woman letting you touch her is not ‘always’ a good thing. I would lay off all the touching mate, don’t be sleazy, just be natural. You give a woman what she wants outside a relationship (providing her security) and she will see no reason to be actually in a RS with you, its all been free so far.. use this time wisely away from her to clear your head then when you get back see if anything has changed. Good luck

      • Cheers mate … I leave in ten days .. I know she’ll call to arrange some sort of meet up before then, even if it is just to say good bye at this stage … But I think I’ll postpone whatever date she says in way that’ll force to make time around my schedule. Otherwise I’ll just say I’ll look forward to meeting her when I get back. Being desperate and available STOPS TODAY.

        Also, I like the masculine and change thing. I actually went through this phase with an old ex 6 years ago. Resulted in a lovely time on my obligatory two years living in London(being Aussie and all).Sadly all I am at the moment is a former rugby man who is 18 kilos heavier than my playing weight and without the bench strength. On the positive side … I’m about to re-discover my mojo !!!!

        Thank you for taking the time with me. I shall update you on my progress while I am in London mid-Jan. If you’re keen to see the results (i’ll be in sweltering Kerala for 5 weeks before then) .. lets catch up for a quiet pint.

        • Welcome mate. Do what you think is right, just make it so she is coming to you as much as you are going to her.. sometimes as men we are told to pursuit but also a hint of mystery is good too, women love attention but when they stop getting it they wonder why we lost interest or why we stopped giving it them (like a cat with curiosity lol), a great way to pull them back in too.

          Sounds a plan mate. Enjoy the 9 week trip, 9 weeks sound ideal too because in 9 weeks a lot can happen. AS for masculinity i don’t mean so much physically or having money or any of that although in a sense it helps but the main thing really in all of this is your mindset. Your attitude toward women you consider attractive, ever notice when us guys like women we suddenly become different people because our senses become heightened? This is actually precisely what we need to avoid, a self control thing.. when we want something a lot we can sometimes pursue too much.

          So when you pursuit her next time make it more about pursuing some good fun moments together rather than pushing for a RS or pushing for touching/sex etc. Getting the push pull theory right too 🙂

          No worries man. Sounds good fella 🙂 let me know where your up to, i hope things go well in the mean time. I am beginning a blog on masculinity (becoming a more attractive man) soon so perhaps at some stage i will point some guys over there.. being in the counseling department so long has helped me really work out how the different sexes work esp the ladies so i thought why not put the advice to good use.

          Talk soon 🙂 Good luck

      • Hi Jay .. I left this part out cos i didn’t think it was a concern .. but I think you’re going to like the question in the end. bear with me me here.

        There is the Best Man from the wedding where I met this girl who has since been catching up with her as well. Having read alot of things on the internet about my predicament .. I realize that he is building the attraction with her at the moment rather than being “desperate nice guy” (i.e. he’s doing quick coffees, following taco stands from blogs and meeting her there, not always being available) that I’ve been over the past 9 weeks. He’s got one of those jobs where he is flying around to different parts of the world once a month or once every two months. He was posting pictures of himself when overseas and she was liking ALL of them on social media. When she comments on his photos, he is doing one liners back.

        I guess what I am saying is that I know his game because I see what I should have done. Me having told her hat her that I like her (rather than flirt about it), put her on a pedestal whenever I see her(“oh you look really beautiful”, “you’re reall smart”), giving her boyfreind security(whilst her not having the pressure of a relationship) and listening to her crap&helping her heal (being her emotional dumping ground and gay best freind) has kind of dropped me down a notch in her eyes. Basically I am/have become of lesser value than her(and she has the power in our “relationship”) and she has USED me all this time. I’m not blaming her (but rather I’ve identified that I have to improve myself), because she is only human and we got to look out for number one.

        Will me not being so receptive/desprate to see her before I leave(although we’ll catch up but on my terms and I’ll be cool when I see her), probably telling her casually to use the summer to hook up with other guys over the holidays to get over her crap & make it seem like I’m easy with what she does is of no real concern and finally being away for 9 weeks & coming back having made the changes I need to – make her miss me and build the attraction (obviously I’ll work on that when I get back i.e. if I do see her) ?

        • Bob i am happy your catching on, really mate i am glad you looked further into it, everything you have written is dead on.

          Im not ignoring you just takes me a while to get around to everyone and ive not been very well the last few days so i took a break.

          I am also glad your not blaming her, most guys would blame the woman in this situation (the wuss types) and not take responsibility for their own attraction level toward the woman.

          As for your question yes to the not being receptive and desperate however i would say that if she does contact you be dismissive as if your busy and have other things to do.

          Then on this time away spend as much time having as much fun as you can mate, perhaps hit the gym if it has it, do lots of swimming and all that, get about and possibly get a new hobby like photography, just some ideas.

          The idea is this: the less you care about having a relationship with her only means she HAS to care more about your relationship for it to work. However you could rebuild the attraction back when you get back.. but there is no guarantees either. Sometimes women are simply either not attracted or have already friend zoned certain guys.

          But you can always work with what you have, if you haven’t dug yourself too big a hole you might be able to turn things around. As for the other guy shes either into him or she likes his work. Truth is she probably likes him because he has a ‘purpose in life’, that really is the secret to it all. If you find something which your more passionate about than dating this girl then women will flock to your more often because not only do you value your work or hobby but the woman is not getting your attention, the work/hobby is getting your attention 😉

          As for if she’ll be attracted when you get back, hard to say. But if you become the one who cares least about having any kind of relationship with her then it can only work out better for you in the long term. Lets be honest if you started flirting with a new girl and cut the attention back all of a sudden she’d probably panic why she is losing you, the aim is to get that push pull balance. Good luck

      • Actually Jay … I’m glad you haven’t replied … I need to getover this shit like you said originally and focus on what i want to achieve over the next 9-10 weeks.

        Will drop you a line when I am in London.

      • hahahahahahahah … my Main Man !!!!

        I actually worked out EXACTLY TO THE POINT what you have just said. Including all the things you want me to do !!!

        If I comment anymore, YOU”LL think I’m chasing you mate !!!!!

        Look …. I wish all guys went through what I did because really, the name of the game isn’t about winning THIS or A girl.
        It’s about winning your LIFE !!!! and guess what .. Everyone loves a Winner !!!!

        I’ve got a million ideas to showcase my holiday .. like instead of putting up heaps of fotos of all the places I’m at(everyone does that shit) ..
        I’ll put up one or two good ones over the intermittent period and at the end of my time in the one place .. I’ll do a video montage of pictures and short clips with cool music as the background soundtrack.

        It’ll show all the cool things I’ve done and the new creative talent I’ve had that no one knew about.

        Mate … Seriously .. if only guys realized like I have .. (although I admit I was enamoured by this girl and hence forgotten all THESE things that I knew before).. that there is so much more than a focus on a misplaced-percieved-ideal .. (and that focus leading to obsessiveness, control, manipulation and eventually jealousy&heartbreak) … but that rather Variety IS the spice of life ..
        We’ll all be so much better for it.

        Lets catch up in England.

        Bye till then.

        P.S … and you’ll love this …. my American ex from my London days wants me to stay with her in New York for the second week of my stay there.

        See .. Scoring already mate !!!!

        • That was pretty much spot on, any newbies better be reading this post haha 😉 your catching on quickly LOL. I kid 😛

          Variety is a good word, like a renaissance man defo put that creativity to good use 🙂 Have fun.

          Talk soon. Good luck

      • Jay … Any chance you can take down my post mate … I’ve got saved now and It has served it’s purpose for me at least .. cheers … just not keen on having this out there anymore,

        It ok .. though I’ll hit you up in London. Cheeers,

        • Hey Mr Bob, you still want your ‘big comment’ taken down?

          With xmas around the corner i have been busy recently.. Sometimes a break from the comments is needed lol. Take care mate

      • mate … Question and a Lesson. You’ll like it.

        I was dismissive of her on Friday morning (she texted me saying she wanted me to take her and her cat to the vet on Sunday morning … I said “Busy on Sunday, ask your uncle or cousin”). the cheek on her to ask me that, i would have gone from freindzone to door mat bitch if I had said yes !!!

        Anyways, friday late afternoon she texts me more about me being busy at work before i leave and I gave her a couple of one liner replies. Leaves me alone saturday, and now Sunday night 11.25 she texts me again asking me if I’m exhausted from working the weekend and asks when I was leaving for my holiday. I text her straight away saying I’m still working, weekdn had been a killa and that I’ll buy her cat dinner if she texts me in an hour and I respond. Then I tell her when I’m leaving and ask how she is.
        An hour and 45min later, and she still hasn’t responded.

        I worked out that she was shocked to find I was quite abrupt with her on the Friday morning texts and cofused when i was generally being short with her in the late afternoon texts. Tonite she contatcts me to find out if I’m still/was being mad at her on Friday and sadly I revert back to my old thinking of “i don’t want to be rude to this girl because I might chase her away”.

        Question: is there a way to be short and abrupt without being rude?
        Lesson: Don’t respond a text message at 11.25 at night from anyone, excpet if she’s at your door & wants a root or it’s a family member in trouble.

      • Take it down my main … I’ve saved all now.
        Although are you still keen for pint in London or anywhere in Engkand for that matter. I’m there for two weeks for christ’s sake !!!
        eMail me.
        Hit me up. I’m in England from 14th January to 28th January.

        • Hey man, i just read your last comment and its good you turned down the friendzone stuff by being busy. I would take it one step further if she starts acting controlling or trying to convince you to do sh*t for her (sh*t happens), if she keeps asking and it annoys you then feel free to tell her “i don’t have time for this, you have asked me over and over again, NO means NO”.. and yeah i do not know why she doesnt ask someone else. Definitely dont be the servant haha. I kid. You have better attitude now.

          As for her not responding just ignore it and get on with your life, sometimes she wont text back because they feel they are being annoying to you or feel guilty etc.. thats fine, just keep doing what you are doing here.. but whatever you do just dont be bitter about it, always be realistic and you will be fine.

          She will be shocked because its new to her and you are turning it around.. But i must ask why she asking if you are mad? Are you acting mad or angry in your messages? Because if you arent then she is being manipulative. Always remember part of this ordeal is having no contact aswell but on top of its also not being bitter.. so when you respond it has to be real. It cannot be typed in a way that shows your angry or you care about how she effects you. She must have no effect on you. And sometimes when she does texts she will LAY what i call bait texts.. to make you reply.. i.e “i made you mad didn’t i?”.

          Yup dont respond to 10pm messages or after. You got better things to do haha. As for being short and abrupt you only reply to important messages. And if the message has no question dont feel obligated to reply. A statement never needs a response. If she sends you any rubbish such as “can you look after my cat” or “well i like this guy what should i do about it” then dont bother. Dont let her use you, in fact if your on this cruise i would stop texting her altogether. Use this holiday as an excuse to not use your cell phone 😉

          Anyway took down your main post and your email (dont want you getting spammed by companies). But i put your email in your name as a link.

          As for London i cant afford to travel to London, its way too expensive. Its about £150 to travel one way and i have no job right now, i am from Manchester but if i lived in London i would definitely would meetup but right now i gotta watch my money mate. Keep in touch though 🙂 Good luck

      • Thanks Jay … I’m in Manchester for a day in the week ending 25 Jan …. Let me know if you are keen to varch up through email. I definitely do want to mate.

        Yeah look we did sort of speak in the end before I was leaving. I mean she was constantly texting me till Wednesday … I was completely abrupt and short till then. Then my inner wuss sort I came out. Thursday morning I texted her a pic of my niece and her taken at the wedding and things sort of went from there.
        From what I can gather she has freind zoned me proper. I also think she is proper interested in that other bloke ( although that is me speculating and she could end up finding out he’s a complete dick !!!) – so who knows mate.
        Ultimately I am taking this holiday as a get away from everything “her” and gonna do the 1 month no contact. Will break it with a post card from Scotland just after mid January.

  91. Hi Jay,

    I love your blog and i would really like your opinion on a situation im in,but i would rather tell story to you in private if that is possible email maybe? :p

    • This might be able to be arranged but i’m not 100% sure yet.. Why is it you need to tell me in private? You do know that you can post it here and i can delete it after right? Of course i cant really give my email out here otherwise i will get spammed by bots and the rest etc so i might make a submission form at some point in the future. I will look into it 🙂 Talk soon

  92. What if you have been friends for years and have always been attracted to her but never jumped at the opportunity, now you have seen each other here and there but love in different counties. How do you show your real affection for her now and tell her that you care for her more than a friend?

    • Hi Matt. Jumping at the opportunity would not really be the best thing to do imo, what would be more important is measuring her interest in you before making any sort of move, telling a girl how you feel wont suddenly make her wake up and like you, you need to build interest first and if she doesn’t feel attraction for you what so ever telling her wont change anything… I always say if you get no signs from a girl then there is no reason for you to pursue it. Telling someone your feelings is like sacrificing yourself. If shes not showing signs then your interest in a relationship will only be one sided, therefore you wait until there is definite interest from ‘both sides’.

      The best thing to do for me is weigh up all the options, do you really want to risk losing her friendship as part of this risk as well? I personally would not do it. IF you live in different countries consider the distance involved and how much it would cost, plus your ages and income etc. A relationship long distance is no piece of cake.

      If you did have some signs from her that your not telling me here then i could help you further. But if there are no signs at all your only really telling me that you like someone and hope the other person does by telling them, look her interest level in you as well because that is where the real hope lies that she likes you back. A relationship will only work if both people are interested not just you.

      As for showing your affection, it will likely not do anything unless she had some interest in you to begin with. I would see how chatting online goes with her and see if she shows interest in speaking to you quite often. If you want to go ahead with telling her you have feelings for her do it but of course i don’t recommend it, it may be good to get if off your chest but will it work? It rarely does if you go about it this way. Bottom line: Telling her your feelings would only be worth it if you actually have some signs she is interested. Then again do what you think is right, this is all a learning process in the end. Good luck

  93. Jay
    Please may you help with this relationship questions
    If a girl turn around twice to look at me again and to see if i look at her back does that means she is interested in me? Please help
    thank you very much

    • Hi Sue, yes there is a very strong chance she does if she looks back twice, if she looks more than twice than the chances are even better. I would not however go just off this sign so i would advise talking to the girl or getting to know her, see how she behaves when you talk to her etc. Turning around to look at you twice simply means she liked what she looked at the first time so she looked again. Good luck 🙂

      • Hi jay i wrote to u a while back about the woman i like in the coffee bar. I had asked her for her number cause shewas leaving for a new job and she says come back trommorow for my last day and we will talk about it. Well the next day i went back and as i was leaving i asked her for her number and she stared at me didnt answer. So i say ok u dont have to give it u could say no and she then says yes, but only tex me i dont answer calls. So do u think i should tex her even though she didnt seem to want to give me her number. She does have a bf but i thought we could just be friends for now.

        • Do what you want mate, i don’t know why your asking me; this was your choice to take this path, from here your on your own. IF you want to text her go for it but i say text her as a friend and not because its going to necessarily get you anywhere, if she doesn’t want you to call then don’t do it. Remember I am not here to guide you into stealing a girl from her current bf so i cant really advise you further with that.. I did tell you this from the beginning.

          Instead go hit on some new girls as there are girls out there who will actually want to be with you and for the ‘right reasons’ (this girl is just playing the field). Just being honest bro. If she doesn’t seem interested in chatting over the phone just stick to texting. She is not really a very classy person hanging with guys behind her current guy’s back though. Good luck

  94. Hi Jay
    Please can you help me with relationship questions.
    Do libra woman like to chase the person they interested?

    Also please can you with this relationship question

    There is a girl look back at me twicedoes it
    means she is inti

  95. Jay, do you think this girl likes me. Here are some of the signs: she tells me that I have a big butt, she called me her boyfriend that one time, she sticks up for me when someone is teasing me, she’s really nice to me, she tries to sit closer when there is an opportunity, she had a big smile on her face when I told her I like smart girls(she’s rank 5 in my high school), she did one of my worksheets for me even though I didn’t want her to but she insisted. Are these signs for me to just ask her out already? People have been telling me to, but I told them I don’t want to rush it and I don’t wanna put pressure on her. What do you think I should do, Jay?

    • Hey Gregory, you really did think this one through didn’t you, but for good reason. You have so many signs there mate, and she is showing a lot of them, she is into you, i am confident she is into you. For me the strongest signs are these:

      *She did your worksheet thing for you (wants to show you she would make a good gf)
      *She called you her boyfriend (like shes proud of it)
      *She sticks up for you (it means she believes in you)

      Does this help? haha. But no seriously i think shes really into you, really attracted to you. I cant find anything here that would make me think shes not into you.. but even though you are confident take this route instead of straight up asking her out.

      ASK for her number if you don’t yet have it. Then over text message you want to go see this film and wondered if she wanted to come too. If she says YES without hesitation your in. The idea is to do this casually and see how she behaves with you alone and after school etc. Then when you go to cinema etc you will be able to ask her to be your gf then (providing she acts positively during the date and your feeling confident) 🙂

      But dont tell her you like her or your feelings etc. just ask her out somewhere casually, any girl interested in you will say YES because she wont turn down that chance to be alone with you and go on a meetup with you. Keep me posted on this, this is interesting 🙂 Good luck

      PS: Even your friends can see you got something going on between you! 😉

  96. Hello Jay,

    There is this girl at my job that is very attractive and cute. I don’t know if she knows i like her but she has been showing the signs of number 4 and 6. She smiles alot when talking to me and asks me questions about me.For sign number 6, she has introduce me to like three of her guy friends. I think she has alot of guy friends. Anyways, there are also these three girls at my job that i work with and i think know that i like her because they talk alot to each other during work and i told one of her homegirls that works there that i’m trying to get with her.
    So today, she was being funny at work while her other coworker friends are there. Probably cus i posted on facebook that i was laughing at funny jokes late at night two days ago. Anyways, I called her tonight and she didnt call back but texted me.
    I remember calling her like 3 weeks ago. and she didn’t call me back or text. The next day at work i totally ignored her.(it was a Monday) I talked to her friends but not her until like Thursday. She was wondering if i was going to this event called fight night. I told her yeah.
    So to put this together, i was wondering does she like me and is playing hard to get? I’m confused. Please help.

    • Javier, never tell anyone who you like or who your trying to hit on especially if its with her home girls or her buddies! Women especially are not good at keeping secrets so if they have spilt the beans it may put the girl on the defensive and you may already be found out. I think from what i am reading you may be looking into it a bit too much as well. If you look closely at her actions, she didn’t call you back or text, which for me means she either isn’t interested or your trying too hard. Pull back and let her come to you.

      Usually once a woman knows your intentions they tend to put their defenses up against guys, you don’t tell a woman your intentions, you let be interested in you first and keep your own intention quiet until its time to do. Your ignoring her is your frustration because your not getting what you want but acting this way wont help, she is ignoring you because she either knows your interested OR your going too fast. It could be either, it could be both. Pull back, she sounds busy, give her space.

      So my advice: Let her come to you if shes interested, if she doesn’t come to you and doesn’t respond to you very much then she is not interested (there is no playing hard to get that i see here). If a woman is serious she doesn’t play games, but like i said i don’t think she is playing games i just think she could have been interested but you messed up by going fast and telling others who your into. ALSO don’t ‘try’ to get with women and brag about it to everyone, just approach women naturally and don’t force them, be mysterious. Good luck

  97. Whats up jay, I think this is an interesting post on signals that girls are known to give and you touched well on this subject but i too have a problem. My problem is that there is this one girl who i think is really attractive and she constantly gives me signals that maybe she wants to talk with me. Now i don’t normally come on these postings about how to obtain a girl and all that but everyday I go to school, she is very tempting to talk to and i want to. My friend has told me awhile back that she was looking at me in sort of a day dream stare. Now in that moment i wasnt really doing anything interesting but after he said that i really thought about it more. My question to you is that what do you think about these signs? These signs are whenever i leave the class, she looks at me and i think i can see from the corner of my eye. Whenever im talking behind her, she looks over at me to see what im saying or i dont know but she looks! and i have already approached her already but i want to talk to her about her personal life not just school work. I just dont want to make it look obvious im trying to obtain the “digits” lol. Finally the proof i have to all this is that when i went in front of the room to ask my friend a question and when i left the area i then stared in her area where my professor was standing and saw her looking at me and just following my movement. Now whenever i see someone else walk up and leave… i never see her do those exact signals. I just dont know im not shy and have dominated this shy stage since i was 15 in high school. Im that type of personality where im always smiling and talking with the friends. i get involved and like to meet new people everyday and love to make people laugh. But i think im in deep mode because now i find this girl attractive and i have no way of talking too her without feeling awkward. I just need an second opinion on all this so please and thank you!

    • T-Rexxx. Daydream look tick, looking at you entering the room etc tick and i give a tick to the rest. You have some signs there that show she is possibly interested. But what do you mean you approached her already?

      What is stopping you from asking about her personal life? Just do it 🙂 Get her alone and say hi, talk to her. Then start with questions like what is her name etc or where is she from without going too far. Asking for digits is not a bad thing, why would you think that? Is it bad for a class friend to ask for your number to keep in touch?

      It is only bad if you go straight up to a woman and ask for her number without saying hi and chatting for a while. Therefore chatting and then asking for her number based on how she reciprocates your interest (you chatting to her) is the clue whether or not to ask for it.

      You need to give her the impression that getting her digits wasn’t about dating or getting together but simply to be friends outside of class etc. I am not saying be friends, i am saying give the impression you don’t know your interest level in her yet because you don’t know her. Then any casual meetups you have can be used to get to know her more 🙂

      She will only feel awkward if you feel awkward.. the best way to approach a woman is think of her as a person rather than a hot female… or simply think of her as one of your guy friends. Physical looks of beauty are what hold you back, if you approach her as hot stuff then you will mess up, if you approach her like any other person in the class it will come out fine. If you find it tough just start off with a simple hi and build up to saying more and more each day 🙂

      I think there is a good chance shes into you, but your gonna have to get to know her to know better. Good luck

  98. Hi Jay,
    Very interesting post and it got me thinking about if this girl I have been seeing for a bit is interested and likes me back and i wanted to get your point of view on the matter. I’ve been known to really misinterpret things before so sometimes I’m a little hesitant in putting myself out there because I misread something so I wanted to get your take on it.

    I’ve met this girl around summer, late summer time when she moved. After a month and a half or so of small talk back and forth letting her get settled i asked her out for dinner, I figure the usual dinner, great conversation get to know one another better. Couldn’t have asked for a better time, as time flew by, had a great talk. So we’ve seen seeing each other often; she has invited me to go to church with her, attend some of her groups with her and all that. Sometimes we end up just sitting down talking when we both have things to do (like the other day she had to do groceries, we instead sat down someplace had a little chat for couple of hours). I have sent subtle hints that I am interested that I like her (for example, gave her a mini cupcake, have held doors open for her). She has shared a couple of personal details about her life, her past her ex-bf not in a detailed manner but still, and significant moments with her mom and stuff (who knows me btw). We have LOTS in common but i don’t wanna misinterpret things again. Whats your take? do you think she could be interested?

    • Very possibly, take it slow, take it cautiously if you feel better doing it that way. If a woman is into you she will cut you slack and show you shes into you. Sometimes she might just want a friend, i think that’s what you have to look out for. IF shes acting girly/feminine around you that is usually the giveaway sign.

      If she acting really boyish or guyish then she is probably just being friendly. Take it day by day and if you anymore signs let me know. But dont go over the top with buying things and gifting, show your interest by showing interest in her as a person.. avoid gifts and compliments otherwise she might feel like your trying to buy her love, women think differently like that. Let her invest in you too, let her cook you some dinner and put some effort in too. Wish you luck 🙂

      • Thanks for your reply. yeah sometimes im having a hard time figuring out if shes really into me and what not (well not just her but women in general from the past). Sometimes i think she just wants a friend but i’m not too sure of what she’s really looking for as I have shown subtle hints that i am interested in her that i like her.
        Oh i aint going over the top with buying stuff trying to buy her love and all that. i did that mistake once with a girl long ago and it blew up in my face. this time im just being me showing interest as a person and all that. as for signs well not sure. the other day we spent a couple of hours talking when she had some things she had to take care of but we stayed talking instead so not sure if that would be a sign of interest

        • Let her take the steps toward you. If she has not responded to your ‘hints’ it could be a sign she is not interested or simply that your going the wrong way about it.. it could be that your hints aren’t the hints she wants. What i mean by ‘buying love’ is a lot more than money.. i mean other things. I mean giving something in order to get it. Holding the door open or cooking a cup cake for her is a nice thing and that’s great but if your doing this continuously to impress her it wont actually impress her as to a woman it comes off as you trying to trade goods for a relationship. This is why i advise not to continuously do it.

          Sometimes women are more interested when they don’t know your interested in them.. What does work for me is if you treat her simply like everyone else. Treat women just like your male friends. Treat her like a person rather than someone you must impress with items or holding the door open. Cause if she senses at any time the cup cake was made just to get her to like you it will turn her off (psychologically logic doesn’t work with attracting women).

          AND if for any reason she is not showing interest pull back a little and stop showing interest in her, i always say to guys if something ain’t getting you somewhere try something else… Then see if pulling back makes her come after you. If however you DO feel like your getting somewhere with the girl keep doing what your doing, it works.

          The last thing you said above COULD very well be a good sign though, do you mean she stopped doing what she was doing just to talk to you or she stayed behind/after her shift to speak to you? If yes then its good. Lets see what happens though mate, keep me posted 🙂 Good luck

      • Well turns out we do like each other. But she said she didnt had that “spark” that would make her want to be with me as a couple (or something like that). Theres chemistry but she wants to see if she could find that spark by asking for some distance from me for a while. Doesnt make much sense: find a spark inside her while asking for some distance??

        • She doesn’t find you attractive enough, that’s what it is. BUT she is giving you a chance to change that by using this time apart to become more attractive.

          From what i have read from your previous messages you need to stop impressing her and treat her like a male friend rather than a woman or a hot commodity. Being a gentleman is cool but it wont get you anywhere with her. So do not do this impress her with cup cakes or opening the door anymore. Leave that stuff. It doesn’t impress her in the long term.

          If you want re-spark the attraction in her you need to make her the one contacting you more often, and for example instead of being the guy who wishes her good night every night let her wish you good night and then you go to sleep before she does. Being a gentleman can help but treating a woman like a woman doesn’t work. Treat her like a person rather than a woman. Your male friends are treated like people right? The key is to treat her the same as them.

          As for other advice: if you get the chance take her out to have fun somewhere.. amusement theme parks, haunted tours, ice skating etc. that kind of stuff. Do it casually with the intention of having fun and not with getting with her. Its all about your mindset that attracts her. Always approach this as putting ‘having fun’ before trying to get with her and it will work out. Good luck 🙂

          PS: spend this time apart to figure out where you might have gone wrong. She is interested to some degree but somewhere you need to modify your approach, in a sense its like round 2.

      • Well i guess round 2 is coming soon? We going out next friday night to celebrate her bday a bit early since i’ll be out of town the day of. Any ideas/suggrstions/pointers? I def dont wanna be all mushy suck up to her so i’ll manage to screw things up with her and all that.

        • Hey Carlos, good attitude to have. As i said the space is not just time apart but a way for you to regain attraction, in fact space away from women helps greatly and in this situation i would spend it keeping yourself busy, don’t worry too much about the meetup. The more your mind is off that meetup (worrying about it etc) the better.

          Treat her like someone you might like.. but not someone you do like. It means look at her like you do everyone else, your best buddies (male or female). Don’t look at this as a way to impress her in any form, just turn up have a good time, don’t go overboard on presents or cards and see how it goes.

          If you have on the mind “what do i do next” all the time, rid that as much as you can. Be content with what you have and if its going to happen it will in its own time. Sometimes relationships needs to bloom on their own without all the pushing for it to happen. I think you will be fine though mate, just have fun, having fun attracts the girls. Just don’t make it a purpose to attract her while your there.

          Although society teaches us guys to pursuit women her birthday is a bad time to do it and i think right now its better to stop pursuing for a while, just remember ‘your the prize’, let her come to you 🙂 Good luck

  99. hi Jay Rando,
    there is a girl at college gave me some attraction signs such as staring and smiling but when i caught her, she look down quickly and then stare back(even when she was with her friends) She seems very excited when she sees me. One day, i made a small conversation with her, she gave me short answers, eye contacts, lot of smiles,and she look down. Few days later, she has stopped giving me attraction signs, when i say hi to her, she looks down and ignores me, but she still looks excited when she sees me.
    Please Jay, tell me why is she doing thing and what to do? I am a bit confused.I don’t like to be ignored.

    • Hi Nadim.

      Reading this she sounds interested but it depends on how you have behaved around her.. you have not really given me much info on how you act, behave or talk to her. For example if you have done something to give your own interest away that is probably why she has lost interest.

      There is also the fact she may be giving you less signs now because you have not made a move. If she still seems excited to see you then your likely still OK. I think she is attracted, there is a very strong chance for that. Speak to her for a few minutes and ask for her number.

      But chat first since the chatting lets the woman’s defenses down, then ask for her number casually. Such as “i would like to invite you out sometime, could you give me your number”.. if she says YES that is fine your in. If she says no then its most likely she is not interested or simply not interested enough. Good luck

      • Hi again Jay,
        Thank you for your help. I’m gonna tell u who i act and behave to her. When i talked to her for the first time, I gave her eye contacts and smiles at all times. When I or her finished talking, she looked down and smiled for nearly 4 seconds. I didnt go too strong. When we was afar from each other, I stared at her and smiled. She did the same and looked away. I didnt do something wrong or stupid in front of her and i didnt use informal languages. After a week, she gave me less signs of attraction but she still seemed excited when i showed up. When she caught me staring at her, she looked down or away. I said hi 3 times to her(of course not in the same day) but she ignored me. She made me feel very angry and i decided to ignore her back. Yesterday, she was sitting in the cafeteria with her friends as usual, when she saw me buying foods with my friend, she stared at me more than 5 seconds until i gone. She didnt even looked away for half of a second. I saw her with the corner of my eyes. I didnt give her eye contacts and smile because i am still angry. That’s all.
        Why did she do that to me? Is she a shy girl or she likes to play games with me?

        • Well looking down with smiles is generally good. I think there is something strange happening here.. I think that either she knows your into her and is playing games with you OR she doesn’t know if you like her and shes annoyed that nothing has happened.

          But before doing anything i want you to look at the bigger picture: SHE ignored you 3 times, is this the behavior you would like in any person even if they are just friends? Why don’t you simply ignore her? She has ignored you and you know yourself you have done nothing wrong so why speak to someone who wants to play games with you like this?

          Like i said above:i think its one of two things, she is angry at you for something (you did not ask her out or still havent and its been obv) OR she knows your into her and she is playing with you.

          Ignoring you is a horrible thing to do. So you have two choices, you can ignore her until she grows up. OR if you are close friends (which it doesn’t sound like) then confront her and tell her why she is acting like a b*tch (of course don’t use the swear words if its wrong in your culture). Dont sweat it though, look at it like she is messing ‘her chances’ up with you and you will be fine. Good luck

    • Sorry for the earlier post I posted it wrong.

      My real post :

      I met a girl four months back.. she talks.. flirts.. teases me.. appreciates my good looks in front of all and anyone.
      She even told me about her last broken up relationship that she had.. she was committed for 1 and half years to a guy who
      cheated on her.. she broke up .. he till date follows her removing reasons to get back with her.
      Its no sercret to her that i like her.. and i have also asked her out on two occasions and asked her to be my girlfreind..
      But she denied saying that she does not want to be in any relationship as of now.
      I asked her twice on first occasion she was a bit hesitant to talk to me later things became normal.. the second time.. she started
      hitting on my best friend.. she did continue the teasing part but still even my best friend told me that she was a bad girl and suggested
      me to stay away. I want to know what is going on in her mind.. and what does she think of me.. ? are these events related ?

      • Wordwarrior, she is not ready for a new relationship, she is playing you all or at the least she is not mature/sensible enough for a relationship yet.

        Having just come out of a relationship shes looking for a rebound most likely and a bit of fun. You might aswell focus on someone else for the mean time. Only when shes been out of this relationship for a good 4/5 months is it worth any effort.

        A girl fresh out of relationship hitting on several guys may seem like a good ego boost for you all but she just wants attention from all guys she can get, she is not really bothered about any of you right now. If you want to be the one who has the best chance your best laying off and letting her come to you. The first guy who gets with her will likely be the rebound. Good luck

        PS: as you can see also she has declined your offer, its not worth it unless she comes to you and makes it obvious she wants to be with you. Sorry to say it bro.

  100. I was in this church thing and this girl all night would gave me glances and at the end I went passed her and smiled and she half smiled and looked down what could that mean??

  101. Hey this is great. Its this girl that i meet at mc donalds that invited me to this like religion type program on her college university. She wasn’t even dressed up when we first met. Then when i showed up at the social type religion event she was looking so pretty and was very excited to see me that she approached me first.after the event was over she really eager to introduce me to her friends right away. She also complimented me on my jacket and said it was nice looking.she later on text me after i left campus saying she got me a book and i told her to bring it next time we show up there. Which she remembered to bring it. She also told me the first day she invited me to this event that she would text me to remind me what time this event will start and took my contact and 6 to 7 days later she remembered and texted me of this religion type of event. What really got me being suspicious is that she text me in a conversion we had through texting and said that her friends liked me when she introduced me to them and she will for sure. Even when i was texting her like crazy she said i still was not freaking her out or being annnoying.when we met today she had sort shortened the conversation to she is going to go find some place to study after giving me the book she got as gift for me.it was like 9pm when this event was over at thursday night and she said she was going to study. I think she was sort of shy around me. Anyways i can’t tell wheater it is friendship signs or attraction signs. I really like her but don’t want to take a chance on asking her out unless i know for sure that they are signs she is intetested.

    • Hey Andrew she does sound interested but i would be careful also, you say she invited you to a religious event correct? What kind of book was it she got you? MY guess is she is very religious just from the sounds of it, it could be friendship or relationship but i have found that sometimes those in the religious areas can sometimes put out an over friendly demeanor just so you to those events with her. In other words if she is doing this just to get you into religion it could mean anything. If she is interested in seeing you outside of religion and its events etc then your probably in. Go with the flow and see how things pan out. Good luck

  102. I think i’m screwing myself up.

    I’ve met this girl a few months back and asked her out casually after a few weeks we’ve met. I’ve gone out with her casually for 3 times already, just the both of us. I really like her, but I’m really not sure yet if she actually likes me just a little. Everything was going great between us during the first, second and third time we went out, we had dinner all those times. we talked, she laughed, and during our last time out, (the 3rd) we were waling in a mall and she saw something she liked and grabbed my arm. I didn’t respond physically, but just replied her with words. besides this, she’s been tweeting her feelings which is obviously about a guy (i really have no idea who she’s tweeting about) it could be me or it couldn’t be. this is what’s driving me insane and up till now, i think i have been a little too emotionally obsessed with her which is, bad. I plan to ask her out casually another time, and start showing her signs which she could see that i’m interested in her. But what should i really do? i’m like killing myself slowly right now just thinking if I’m the one she’s tweeting about.

    • Hey Jim, swear i posted to this message the other day but it seems it did not go through properly.

      Dont worry things sound good from what i have read but you need to also be ready and prepared incase she is into another guy, i mean mentally prepare yourself. It is always best to go into situations with no expectations so that there is no emotional attachment to outcomes in dating.

      Tip: if something is driving you insane will you carry on driving yourself insane by viewing the ‘thing’ or will you avoid it? Point is: i want you to stop using twitter and social sites for a while so you can cool down bro, if you see something on her page that makes you sweat or panic then it also affecting your ‘composure’ and your chances with the girl so avoid twitter and all the other bs social sites for a few weeks if they make you feel worse. You don’t want to be an emotional mess when dating.

      You gotta go into this with ‘confidence’ and not with panic or fear. Shed the emotional obsession and keep busy in your life, when your not with her find things to do like go gym and go see your best mates, play some vid games or something. That way it keeps your mind off her and off panic.

      As too with what Marc said above go with your instinct when it comes to the actual date. If she is touching you should try touching her, on the hands, shoulders, back etc. the safe places of course. So yep firstly cool down then ask her out casually to go for drink or cinema or something else; obv do not ask her to be your gf. Also avoid being in a rush, there is no rush, remember that! Keep me posted bud 🙂 Good luck

      • Thank you so much for the reply guys.

        Alright! i’ve been doing just that.

        Here’s an update: I’ve just asked her out again casually thru text. Did not specify if it was a date or anything, just going out for a meal and movie or something. She said, okay. Thing is, there hasn’t been as much energy in her text messages as before.

        Should I just wait till that day comes closer and ask her again? We haven’t been interacting on a high note like before. Somehow I feel like i need to give her some space.

        What do you think?

        Hint: I’ve been single for almost 5 years but had a fling earlier this year. So yeah, i’m pretty much rusty.

        • If a woman’s feeling isn’t in it then its likely there is nothing there, possibly she lost interest but was indeed interested before. Then again there is change her interest may come back.

          Womens feelings change so often and quickly and can be very unpredictable. See how it goes, watch her actions and body language, only go for a girl who shows interest in you, if she isn’t showing interest then why would she say yes? You know what i mean? This is just how i approach the whole dating scene.

          When there is less energy or interest in her messages its time to stop pursuiting and let her come to you more often (and with longer messages with more effort and energy in them). If you feel you need to give her space your probably right, do it. I believe she needs space from how she is reacting, for all we know she could be double dating (though i doubt that).

          When a woman ever shows disinterest or she acts off back away until she comes to you. Do not equal her interest, show interest in her when she returns to speak but do not mirror her on everything. For example if she sends you “i love you” or something do not reply with the same back and always be realistic. Good luck

  103. I’ve known this girl for about almost 3 yrs, we dated for a week and then it ended. Me and her are still friends, but I feel like we’re more then that. She calls me to hangout with her all the time, and we do a lot of fun things. I still have feelings for her but she doesn’t feel the same for me. She always talks about some guy that lives out if state and she called me when her and her recent boyfriend broke up. Why does she still keep around if she has no attraction, I feel like there is something I’m not seeing.

    • Hey Jon! As much as it pains me to say it sounds to me from initial thoughts that she is just seeing you as a best friend and probably nothing more. Part of that hopes that is not the case.

      The hanging out alot is a good sign but on its own does not really give me any thought that she is into you.. some women have guy friends they spend all their time with just for security reasons i.e to feel wanted for their ego OR simply they want some guy to help them get over their ex bf. Now if you started to be LESS available and stop going everywhere with her you might be able to get out of friendzone.

      You have told me she does not feel the same for you therefore you have answered your own question too, you cannot make someone like you either, this is the hard truth. Her talking about another guy is more likely is just that, i would not over analyze what it means as it is waste of time.. if it was not you then you would have wasted all that time worrying etc. It is out of your control to pull her away from liking another guy.

      Also as you can see yourself your actually making yourself feel worse by clinging onto her and having expecations of whether it is you or not that she talks about. If she has recently split up with her last BF she will be looking for guys to rebound off.. she is not ready for any type of serious relationship.

      ‘Why does she still keep around if she has no attraction, I feel like there is something I’m not seeing.’

      To the above: because she is keeping you around for friendship or she enjoys the attention you give her while she is not your girlfriend.

      I had another guy hear a while back commenting below somewhere called NR or something similar, he was in the same situation you are in now, you might wish to read ALL his comments. Its sometimes good to know you can turn it around but that also sometimes getting yourself sorted is actually more important than getting the girl. To me it sounds like you have got way too hooked.

      Good luck

    • Andy its likely she is a tease.. sometimes things on paper don’t cover every each individual situation. Sometimes you get people coming here saying the article is ‘wrong’ or the signs are wrong when really what it is ‘people being different’, some people hide their interest well and some show so interest to get you hooked on them (they sometimes do it for an ego boost). Women who flirt with every guy they come across or act like players are typically the types where guys go for it then get turned down thinking the signs WERE enough.

      TIP: Never tell a girl you like her. Telling a girl you like her is just going to leave her thinking “and should i like you back just because you said it?”. This is how girls think. ‘Show it’ do not tell her it. Good luck

      PS: always put the girl into the situation of HER showing you first that she is the one who wants a relationship rather than you. The silence isn’t the best response but it does not mean your chances are ruined either. Lets see what happens.

  104. Hey Jay! So I’ve been talking to this girl for about 2-3 weeks now. We both work at the same place but in different departments. At the end of work we chat for about 20 minutes (been happening for a straight 2 weeks now since we both almost go the same way.)

    When I first spoke to her she was extremely shy but when I started talking to her more she gradually opened up I guess? Sometimes she would even initiate the conversation about work or whatever. So far I’ve brought the conversation into small-talks to a little bit of flirting and compliments. I haven’t tried asking if she’s single yet cause our topics are pretty long. I tried asking her out the first week but kindly made some excuses. Asking her out the first week was pretty dumb of me cause I feel that she’s the slow-type girl. Usually I’m the one to ask questions and she hasn’t asked anything about me yet although I haven’t really talked about myself to her yet so I’m still mysterious. Perhaps too shy still or just not interested? She’s slowly killing me man, everything about her is just so amazing. I don’t know how can I breakthrough her shy wall!

    • Hey Jtran. Firstly cut down on the shes amazing stuff, otherwise you will emotionally attach yourself to the point of screwing up. If you put her on the pedestal this early your only gonna be in for torment later. Overall your doing great so don’t worry. Keep busy when your not around her i.e play sport and see friends to avoid thinking of her etc.

      ALSO do not approach asking out as a bf/gf thing just simply ask for her number and say “hey i was thinking of inviting you out 1 time, could i get your number?” and leave it at that. Then from there on casually work your way up to a meetup while still remaining mysterious.

      To me it sounds like she is into you or at least very friendly. DO NOT ask if shes single as its pretty much the same as saying “i am interested”.

      If she has not asked you questions about yourself that is not a good sign but the rest is good and you still have a good chance. If you have already asked her once and she said no then be cautious the 2nd time and use the example i used above. Do not rush it either! You will be fine mate 🙂 Good luck

  105. Hello Jay 🙂 I’m not a guy, so this is kind of unrelated to your post….. Anyway, I’ll give it a go: I like this guy at gym. He’s sorta introvert….he doesn’t talk to anyone at gym and my friend who goes to his college said that he hangs out with only one guy…you get the idea. I’ve talked to him once though…I’d asked if he’d seen my work out card. Later when we were working out side by side, he asked me if I had found my card. I know it’s pretty short, but well I like him, so it means a lot 🙂 And yes, he steals glances of me every 5 seconds and when I catch him looking at me (even on the mirrors :P), he gets startled and quickly looks away. A few times, when I boldly looked at him directly from the front, he held my gaze until one of us moved. But generally, he looks kinda unconfident and nervous. How should I go about this? I’m quite shy myself, so it’s tough for me to casually go up to him and strike up a conversation, esp since he seems so reserved. What do you suggest I do? Could you clue me in on somethings..like some actions or gestures that would let him know that I’m unterested in him? Thank you. I appreciate this 🙂

    • Hey Teak did you do know there is a ‘signs a guys likes you’ topic on my blog?

      If he steals glances its a good sign. Sounds there is a good chance he is into you, his startled response is him being caught and he would only do that if he was interested and checking you out 🙂 He is likely either shy or doesn’t know how to approach, i would say talk to him again, you have once already so in a way you are kinda like gym buddies, you know what i mean? Its not like he will find you weird for speaking to him randomly. Guys like randomly speaking to people 🙂

      If you are were in a college class right now you guys would probably be sat next to each other 🙂 Looking at him is a good way of letting him know your interest but you could also simply speak to him and ask him how his day has been then some other questions (show interest in his life). Some guys are not the approaching type so perhaps if you approach him and talk casually he will open up more, it could be he thinks your just being friendly but at the same time thinking you could be more.

      You could also ask him what days he is there and if he asks you what days your there etc that might be a sign. Reason i say this is because if he keeps turning up at the same times as you purposely then he obv sees potential in your friendship which possibly could lead to more. Otherwise you could ask him if he knows any good places to for drink etc (kind slips a hint that he then can reply: “yeah, you should go here, its really good” to which you reply “sure show me”). Then get his number etc for casual meetup which leads to more 😉

      Good luck 🙂

      • Actually I’m using a basic phone, so browsing’s an issue and hence I couldn’t really look around your ‘place’ 🙂 Anyway, thanks for the quick reply. You mentioned about showing up at the same time.. We are having a local festival right now, so it’s holiday week basically. The first day, he was early to gym…we came across each other while I’d entered and he was leaving. The next day I showed up an hour early, but he showed up at the time I’d come the first day 😛 so I guess both of us are way too smart for each other.. Haha 😀 Even the very first time he joined gym, he used to come an hour later than I did…but for the past 2-3 weeks he’s been showing up at the same time as me. So I take that things are on the right lane 🙂 Next time, I’ll make it a point to look at him more..’openly’..haha and crack a smile…man that’s gonna take a lot of courage. But I’ll give it a go. I just hope doesn’t give me a blank look though! 😛 Thank you tonnnnnnes for helping me out. I’ll check out the other stuff too.

    • Hi Jay,

      I`d like some advice from u concerning a girl I recently talked to. I have been bumping into this girl quite a few times and I smiled at her from time to time. She smiled once or twice and she quickly turned her face away. So thinking she was interested, I went to talk to her. I asked her name and told her that I wanted to know her better but she replied she doesn`t talk to strangers and after making a phone call to her frnd she went away. I would like to know what should I do next; ignore her or try again coz it`s really bugging me. I wonder if I made a mistake when starting the conversation; mayb some tips from u can help me get back to her…..Sometimes I wonder y do girls play games wiz boys when they r actually waiting for us to come to talk to them.

      Also pls do continue to give awesome advices to us koz there are times we really need them.


      • Hey Darknezz. Hmm i would always advice not to tell a woman ‘you would like to know her better’ since it will immediately put her on the defensive, instead just talk but do not put down any expectations or intention in your words. Rather just have a chat and just talk about things like weather, how shes seems in a good mood because she smiled or simply “i caught you”.

        It does however sound like she was playing games if she purposely said she doesnt talk to strangers, i have to say that seems a bit of ‘ass’ move by her. I would ignore her if she said that to you, but if there is other stuff you may have said which is not mentioned here in the convo then it could be that. With some women you need to ignore them to get them to chase you, and with this one, this is what you need to do.

        I don’t think you did much wrong, just her being silly.

        ALSO: No woman is worth your time if she plays games, games are not serious, games are a waste of time. So when a woman misbehaves or acts stupid like this just ignore her until she comes to you and apologizes for saying unnecessary stuff.

        I will try my best with keeping advice up here, sometimes i get busy with work etc but if i think the person needs help badly or it is their ‘first’ message i will usually reply. Good luck 🙂

        • Hi Jay,

          Thks for ur quick reply. Actually I made sure that I had a convo only for a few secs but as u said, it was an ass move by her. Ur`re right, i`ll just ignore and she`s not worth it. If she comes back, then i`l c.

          Btw, ur doing gr8 by helpin us and thanks again.

  106. Hiya..
    Im a gay gurlie who for the past year has been ‘dating’ a girl i like…however due to a personal situation in my family (my aunt bein diagnosed with cancer) i disapeared from the world for a cpl weeks coz my head went…this put the skids on us and it kinda ended and she got with some other girl that lasted for a cpl months and we then started talkin again…were goin out again on a date the exact day 1 year ago when we had our 1st date…i have feelings for this girl, i know also she has coz shes told me but whats confusing me is how different she acts with me than she does/has done with previous girls..she always appears quiet around me..and i know shes a wild 1 thats why i like her…the 2 month thing she had with this other girl her facebook was filled up with lovey dovey stuff and again when we first started dating nothing like that ever happened…she says she gets shy around me…she doesnt understand it either apparently as im the only girl shes been around where she gets like this…im older than her but that means nothing to me as im a crazy 1 myself and shes prob more mature than me to be honest haha…..
    Are we going round in circles with this thing we have or do you think if we let it play out there could be something worth staying for??
    Im to laidback also which i have to change…
    Look forward to your reply…
    Cheers ears…:)

    • Hey Sarah. If this is an ex girlfriend then your best posting over at my topic about exes etc. If she has someone else make sure their RS is over before getting into anything with her again.

      It really depends whether you 1) keep breaking up 2) she has someone else 3) you are past the worst of the problems from before. If the answer to 1 and 2 is NO and YES to 3 then you are fine. Just go about it slowly and things should work out if its meant to be. The most important question from what i am getting from you post: do you feel yourself the two of you are going in circles?

      Good luck 🙂

      PS: ‘being laid back’ is not such a problem. If someone loves you it wont matter, just be happy being who you are or want to be, and be who the person you wish to be. Dont do it for anyone else. If you mean being more open with people and having fun then yeah go for it definitely.

      • Aww hey thank you for replying…yeah we were kind of going round in circles…lack of communication (she’s not big on talking or expressing feelings easy) where as im the opposite just a bit thick when it comes to gettig things off the ground…im going hers at weekend…not seen her for a while so we see how that goes init…she’s with no1 else as far as im aware she has said she couldnt even entertain any1 else at the min coz her heads been up her backside over how she feels about me…im aware shes been hurt in the past thats why she has brick walls around her….the fact im still here trying with her says a lot and i guess after 12 months of on off dating/falling out/not speaking we always find a way back to each other lol…
        I enjoy reading the stories on here and your comments…
        Thanks again for your reply and yeah wish me luck pleaaaase dude im gonna need it hahaa. 😉

        • Hey Sarah yeah see how it goes and take things as they come.

          Focus on those issues together before getting back together, so kick the ‘arguments etc’ out 1st then focus on getting together after.

          And thanks for the warm comment, by the end of my life i have probably helped everyone’s relationship in the world lol 😉

          Good luck

  107. I’m talking to a girl spoke to her for about a month now, our conversations always flow well and last all day. But I have asked her of he want to go to the cinema and then maybe a meal. But she said maybe later once I get to know you more, is that away for a girl to say I’m not interested or is she wanting to make sure?

    • Hey Ben it can be either.. sometimes its her way of being polite without totally blowin you off, sometimes its just her way of saying i don’t feel attraction yet and need to get to know you as a person better. In this case i am vouching more for lack of interest, it would be better not to ask her to go anywhere from here onwards and focus just on what you normally do such as study, if she wants you she will let you know.

      Sometimes it is not possible to ask a girl to go somewhere if she does not feel attraction first. Unfortunately us guys seem to think we can make her feel attracted by going places with her but usually you must create attraction before going places. Some hints to be attractive, give her less attention, become myserious and let her come after you more often, give it a try. Good luck 🙂

    • A waitress at a coffe bar that i go to in the morning seems like she is flirting with me even though she just started dating her best friend and tells me she is happy. I catch her looking at me when im not looking, she smiles alot, she says where was i since i didnt go there for 2 days so i say did u miss me she says yes. I been going there for 2 months so i said to her if your bf treats u bad im asking u out just to let her know im interested. She laugh then says unforntaly i dont think he will so i leave and she says come back tommorow. So does she like me or is it only for tips i give her a good tip.

      • Hey Joe, i think she is typically just being the nice waitress type girl to get tips. It does not mean she doesnt like you but i think it would be better to broaden your horizon and go for someone single. This will lead to a dead end because she says her current guy is doing a good job which could either mean she is not interested or rather she just doesnt want to date anyone else right now.

        Therefore i would focus on new girls. You can always go to this place everynow and then but being honest until she is single and her and her bf breakup there it is pointless to pursuit someone taken. If she does like you and there is good chance just know this: if she is single later she will let you know shes single. Good luck

      • Hi thanks for answering me i thought like u and by all means im not attempting to date her since she is dating someone but it seems to me more then just getting nice tips. When i went back i told her im leaving in a month to go on another job she says well i got time whatever that means then i tell her u got other customers u will be fine and she says they are not named joe and she says i make her day go by easy. Its not like she is getting rich from my tips my bill is 4 bucks lol and i give her 3 as a tip which is good but not like its huge money from me lol. She also bends down frontwards in front of me then looks at me and smiles i know its teasing but if she is happy as she says with her man why do this stuff to give singlas if she is not interested.

        • Joe Russo said: ‘Hi i had wrote to u before about the woman in the coffee bar, well now she is leaving in a week to go to a new job so should i ask her for her number or just give her mine from my buisness card. She was training a new woman and i guess the woman asked her who i was sine she keeps coming over to me and she says he is a special person. Also when i was having coffee with my co worker she remembers what we talked about a month ago and says would i like a cran and vodka drink so i says only if u koin me she says i cant im working then she calls me princess and i said what and she laugh the reason she said princess is because she remember what i told her what my friends say when i order that drink. Anyway should i give her my num or ask for hers sine she wont be working there no more.’

          Go for it, either give her your number or ask her for hers.

          If you want something go for it. Good luck

          PS: keep your posts to this article.

      • Hi jay the woman at the coffe bar is leaving in a day so today i asked her for her number and she says we will talk about it tommorow i want u to come for my last day lol so did she blow me off and should i go back the next day for her last day.

        • Its cool, no worries, just go and see what she has to say. If she wants to keep in contact she will give you her number or some other form of contact tomorow. Good luck

      • Hi jay just to follow up with u as i was leaving the coffe bar for her last day i asked her for her number. She looked at me and didnt say anything so i joked with her i said its easy its yes or no, i said u dont have to say yes cause i know she might not want to make me feel bad even though she has a bf. But after i said that she says yes u can have my number, so what do u think should i all her cause she didnt seem like she wanted to give it to me by not answering me in the beggining. She might be the type of woman that dont know how to say no, so what do u think.

  108. Ok so here’s what happened… I go on the same bus as this cute girl that I have crush on, and a few days ago I got on as early as I could, so I could see her get on, and maybe gauge her interest in me… So, when she stepped on I turned my head quickly to the side(I’m a shy boy) and I think she saw me looking, because when I glanced back, just before she sat down in her seat, she was sort of holding in her lips(the way people do when they try to cover that they are smiling or laughing). The point is, I think she sorta blushed(or something to that effect), when she noticed I was looking at her. I think she either sorta likes me, and is just shy-ly trying to hide it, or is disgusted by the fact that I like her and trying to pretend I don’t exist… Heh. Any insight into this situation would be greatly appreciated!

    • If she gets embarassed near you when she doesn’t know you well, she likes you.
      People only get embarassed when they care about your opinion. Go for it!

  109. Spot on with this write-up, I truly believe this amazing site needs much more attention. I’ll probably be back again to see more, thanks for the advice!

  110. Okay so this girl likes to sit next to me on the bus and she talks to me a lot outside and inside school but recently she has been very cold just saying Hi a couple times and has started to ignore me and sometimes when I see her in the hallway she is usually talking to another guy but I see her staring at me idk if were friends, or she liked me, or she just doesn’t like me in general.

    • the same god dang thing is happening to me man!
      what a coincidince, but my friend has a minor issue dude; she is from a really weird family, a mean mom, a very outrageous dad; wich he thinks he own people; and she has a bully/bad brother. But just like you, she sometimes sits next to me in the bus and sometimes is cold, doesn´t answer facebook, talks with me in school sometimes and it looks like she doens´t give a damn about me, during the summer i taught we gained confidence with one another (all the texting, talking on the phone, facebook, meeting her ocasionally) but it isn´t working mate. she is gorgeous and is just like your girl, cold and ignoring me sometimes. answer me mate we could talk a little about this!

      • @Double Zero. As much as you dont want to hear this ignoring (or even coldness/avoiding) is not a sign of interest, i believe your looking for something that is not there at all. I am just taking honest approach with you. The fact she doesn’t give a damn about you doesn’t really sound like someone who cares about you and this is just one sign i would not bother with this girl. Would you want to be with a girl who does not give a damn?

        The only time ignoring and coldness is a ‘good sign’ is if you have not been clingy or needy and her behavior is really weird, almost like you have done nothing to warrant it. The fact you have been very pally with her is probably one of the reasons you could be either skimming friendzone or being rejects by her because she probably notices your interest level in her and she is trying to avoid that prospect.

        ‘(all the texting, talking on the phone, facebook, meeting her ocasionally) but it isn´t working mate’

        The above is your clue. You are being too pally and she is turned off by it. If you want to avoid friendzone dont do the above and pull away, show less attention and affection. Do you treat her like all your other friends?

        Also look at the last 3 words of yours ‘isn’t working mate’, if it doesn’t work why do you keep doing it? Instead of doing something continuously that doesn’t work find something that does, try this: give her less attention and affection but also stop being overly friendly with her. Treat her like someone your not really interested in her and if she texts you dont feel like you need to reply to all her communication.. I assure you that if you follow this advice and do the opposite of being pally like above by the stopping of doing it you will get much further with this girl.

        Keep me posted mate. Good luck 🙂

      • Like you said, her family background was so terrible that it might have affected her perception towards men (A control – freak dad, a jerk brother, mean mom.). All of these factors are the reason of her coolness towards you. She simply can’t trust you yet. 🙂

        Take your time I guess? If you think it doesn’t workout, switch your target.

    • @Chris. It is one thing or another; i have too been in this situation myself so i can offer some advice. It is either that your showing too many feeling or going too quickly and she is angry because of this (wants to be left alone). OR it is that shes into you but your not making a move and shes annoyed because of this; its usually due to guys missing obvious signs. BUT if there were no obvious signs then you have not done anything wrong.

      If you feel she is into you 100% then she is, if you feel she is angry at you for something specific find out the reason why. Sometimes it can be because you freaked/creeped her because she knows or feels you like her. this is for you to work out.. But if she is acting angry and you have done nothing wrong then and you have not been clingy then its more likely shes into you.

      Make an approach only if your 100% sure shes into you and not simply because you want her, this way you will approach her based on you thinking she likes you. Her body language and actions will tell you pretty much if shes into you or not, watch her closely then make the move if you confidently believe she is into you (get her number). Good luck 🙂

  111. Hey Jay, long time no see 🙂

    So, I took your advice and fixed myself up: cut my hair, got in shape, started eating better, and I feel great 😀 My ex is hardly even on my mind anymore.

    I was wondering if I could get your insight, once again, but this time it’s a bit different. My mom and I went out for dinner one evening at a local restaurant and we got this really attractive waitress. I had to do a double take lol
    She was giving off some interesting signals and I don’t know if she was just being friendly or if she generally found me attractive. I don’t even know if she’s into women.

    Anyway, she was constantly smiling at me. And I mean, every time she looked at me. And she came by like every five minutes to see if I needed anything (an excuse to talk to me maybe?) She also laughed when I joked around (albeit pretty badly lol) What makes me wonder about all of it is that my mom was sitting right across from me and she hardly ever talked to her. My mom paid for the meal and the tip, so it’s not like she was trying to butter me up for extra cash by being nice to me. I’ve been back twice, but I could never get her section. And I don’t have the “balls” to ask her out or even attempt to make a move.

    I don’t know. What do you think about all this? I’ve only been taking Psychology for a few months, so I need a pro. 🙂

    • Well hello ello elo MJ! Is your real name Micheal Jackson btw? haha. Seriously its good to see you! 🙂

      Hmm i think its all about you telling the difference between what is a good response and a normal response, the fact you brought it here probably means you saw something in it though, bit like me the other day when i had a woman smile at me. It only makes you think that there is something there and generally friendliness is a sign the person wants to take it further with you, only that its not 100% sure how far they want to take it with you.

      Now in physical looks im not sure if she looked bisexual or lesbian so you probably have a better idea of that. As for body language did she seem extra self conscious with you? Attraction is more like a response to being around someone, it frazzles with their mind on most occasions since there first thought is how they look in front of the person or whether the other person accepts them etc. Otherwise smiling is always a good sign, i could not tell you solely from this if shes into you but if you sense there is something different in her smile or friendliness as compared to a normal waitress then its likely there is something there. You usually get a better clue with this if you watch her serve someone else then compare it to how she acts when she serves you.

      With time you will have a better idea but i can only advise you try to go there more often so you get chance to speak etc, being around the person more will give you a chance to see if the body language she is putting out is attraction or just plain friendliness. Or you could just approach her. Sometimes it is possible to drop a note, in my opinion if she is lesbian or at least bisexual she is more likely to say yes if you give her details for obv reasons. Personally i would see if you get her if you eat there again and then leave a ‘note’ with the bill. If you feel the next time you see her that her friendly vibe is more eccentric or nervous (attraction) then generally its good, lets see. Good luck 🙂

      • lol nope, I couldn’t dance to save my life.

        Physical look wise, hmmm….lets just say that if I saw her walking down the street, I would assume that she’d have a boyfriend. The two times I went back, I got a different waitress. She was around the same age as the first one, but she didn’t pay all that much attention to me like the first one did either. There was eye contact, but it was brief. With the first girl, the eye contact was longer and much more direct.

        I haven’t been able to see her serve someone else, because we were in the front most booth and I didn’t want to be a creeper and peer around lol I’ve debated leaving a note. Something like: “If you’d ever consider dating a girl, I’d love to take you out sometime.” Or if that’s too forward maybe “I think you have really pretty eyes” and just leave it at that. Just gotta build up the courage to do it.

        *sigh* women -_-

        • And i was so sure you were MJ in disguise 🙂 hehe.

          Hmm so she looks straight huh, well i guess it doesn’t hurt to try at least, i would do the note thing because if she is for any reason bi/les (even if she doesn’t look it) then i cant see her turning it down.

          Its hard to say but i would go with the note idea, as its hard enough to get her on her own a note may be the only chance unless you wait until she finishes her shift then chase her down (kidding obv) 😀

          Leaving a note with the bill should be fine, try to get her again to serve you (might take a few turns lol) then when you do leave a note such as “hey you seem kind of cool, here is my number, my name is..”, keeping it casual might be better but the name part lets her know that your not necessarily a guy.

          Of course if nothing comes of it you can always avoid going there for a year or two. Notes don’t work with everyone but i think they will work better in this kind of unique situation. Good luck 🙂

  112. Thanks for these tips. I just don’t know how to pursue for her though. She told me she is “kinda” in a relationship. She loves all the small things and tells me I’m a good singer when I cant sing along with all the voices I can do. She won’t leave my side and tries to find ways to be able to touch me. She told me that she wants to see me more. What should I do?

    • Double_L; This is easily answered; you don’t pursuit someone in a relationship to begin with. If she has told you that then stay away from her and the possibility she will leave her current guy for you even if she shows interest in you. You need to be more assertive and tell her to not touch you and if she doesn’t leave you alone you are entitled to your own space and that she should stop following you, you are not doing this because you want something to happen with her but because she is basically trying to play not only her bf but you as well. Do you want to be BF number 2? If not then don’t give her that option.

      If she is taken it is useless regardless, even if she is willing to leave her current guy for you put yourself in ‘his position’, if she gets with you then she will only leave you for another guy when your dating her.

      I think she is definitely flirting though and there is some interest but you should not be hanging around with her if she is going behind her bfs back with you, at the very least wait until she is ‘single’ before pursuing, for now keep your distance and limit the time spent together. If her current relationship is a mess then stand aside from it (dont jump on it). Then wait until they are completely broken up before making a move. Tell her you do not want to see her more if she asks and if she asks why say your busy, if she keeps pestering and you know shes 100% into you tell her it is unfair on her current bf. She may get angry or upset but she can only play the both of you if you allow it, its all about respect in Relationships, teach her it through the above. Good luck

  113. Hey Jay,
    Let me thank you first before posting my query.Its amazing that you are magically suggesting ways through your blogs.Ok now my story:I am manager in a company and single.there new fresh graduates joined in my department.One girl very innocent looking and and giggly natures.We first interacted in a party arranged by company and we danced together.till that time I was not knowing that she joined in my department.
    Then we started talking in such a way I used to pull her leg, every time when I I come across her and she also used to answer very exciting and smiley way then slowly I started pinging her on communicator and use to make fun, then she came one day and asked me that she wants to join my team, I was surprised but i dint gave her any promise.Then one I pinged her and she dint reply so I got hurt and did not talked to her one week and then I went on vacation for the next week.After my returned I pinged her and teased saying that she is busy bee , in turn she said that I am only busy drone, then as usual I pulled her legs, and said that she is going to movies on weekends, when she is supposed to attend classes for her PG, she explain me hard that she does not bunk the classes and prefers sleeping and chatting with friends on weekends rather than going for movies.
    Now we talk funny but only when I ping her, she does not ping by her own, today we did talked at all .She kept her communicator off till noon and then logged in after noon, but I didn ping her this time.She was talking loud to her co-oligues but didnt pay much attention.I started likng her because she is very cute and sweet talking.
    Please guide me how to go further and make up with her.

    • Hey Royalright, I think the issue here is that you are looking at your own interest too much and not at hers. No doubt she could be interested by her giggles and excited attitude but the way you need to approach this NOT in a way where winning her over is the way forward but rather ‘letting her’ come to you on her own accord.

      I see your keen-ness and your enjoyment of the chase but i would back away from this one until she shows clearer of her intentions, i would not pull her leg anymore. Pulling her leg may also be coming off a bit sleazy to her even if she looks like she enjoys it.

      Im not sure what you mean by ‘ping’ do you mean similar to MSN messenger or something? More importantly the turning point is when you pinged and she did not ping back. The fact you got hurt is another issue you have here – that you are expecting too much and hoping this will work out when it should be less on the hope of it happening and more on pulling your attention away from her i.e less focus on her and more on you. The less you expect for this to happen means it is likely more to happen 😉

      The most important rule of dating, when ‘they’ back away from you then you mirror and do the same, not because you are game playing but because it makes sense. If she is pulling away (whether conscious or unconsciously) it means you could be either going too quickly or she is simply not interested, its up to you to find out which but pulling back will allow her to contact you when she starts to miss your company. If she isn’t contacting you after being away for 2 weeks then it might be time to move on.

      When you said she is going to movies was it you asking her to go or you implying to her she is doing that?

      But she sounds like she takes her classes very seriously and her professional life, i would take yours more seriously too, why? Because once she stops getting attention she will either wonder why you stopped contacting her and giving her validation. Women live for attention, when you take it away she wants more. Try it. But make sure also she is the one to initiate convos more with you. Good luck mate

      PS: Let her ping you more often and if she doesn’t ping you ignore the fact she does not contact you, don’t let it bother you and take it off your mind by keeping busy with other things. And make sure if she wants to get to know you more that you let her make the effort 🙂

      • Hi Jay rando,

        Thank you very much I will follow your advice,however it should not sound her unpredictable or whimsical and she will back her interest away.also I distributed chocolates today on b’day she came and shook hand but then she is talking loud with her team mates.Is it to draw my attention?

        • Your welcome mate. It could be, i would not analyze too much however, if things are meant to be be they will happen eventually. Patience will make things happen soon enough if shes into you 🙂 Good luck

  114. Hi Jay Rando!
    I am bit confused by this girl. I know her for one month. She studies in same college as me. Along with friends we hang out often. Initially I wasn’t attracted to her. I was kind of attracted to other girl. During the course of time she starting giving me dreamy look and stuff. She wanted to talk to me, so i took the initiative.Mean time I invited my friends for dinner including her.It was success and we are more close now. I did chat with her almost every day. During the parties she keep looking at me if I talk to other girls and at times she follows me. If there are is some boy hit on her she tell me about that and stuff.Since I wanted know her better, I asked her for a drink. She declined and said she had plans rather I could join her with few friends. I decided not to go. After that I asked her another time she didn’t reply, me. Next day she came to me told me that she didn’t had balance in her cell phone. Last week I asked her out again. She said she is busy, and in the weekend her family is coming, hence again she declined. I am not being clingy, just don’t get her. There are many girls I know, who want to go out with me! She is making me confused. Does she worth my time or should I move on?

    • dude, try to back off. It seems like you are moving too fast. She must be trying to get to know you as a person. Try this: don’t talk to her for couple of days. Get busy with other things. See what she does then. If she chases you down then you know she’s interested in you. If not, go back to the other girl!

    • Hey Alan. There is definitely some attraction here and her dreamy look was the first big sign she gave. To echo johns post he is bang on with this too.

      ‘Since I wanted know her better, I asked her for a drink.’
      Make sure the above is said in a way where it is not about HER but rather about what you want to do. Such as “im going to this place tonight, your invited” rather than “i would like to get to know you” as the latter implies your interested (women pick up on this stuff too easily).

      The fact she invited you out may have been a chance missed but you did seem ‘busy’ and you know when to say NO so i give you some credit here. Saying NO sometimes really is powerful toward women.

      ‘After that I asked her another time she didn’t reply, me.’
      This is where you kinda ballsed up, you are going too quick, a little needy. Your treating it like a date when the trick is just to treat it like a meetup. If she declines ‘one thing’ wait till later in the week rather than rescheduling on the spot, to say “when will be the next time i see you” comes off like you need something from her or simply need her in general. The ‘less’ you need this relationship (the less in a rush you are) the more power you hold. Being patient and letting things flow works better in dating.

      The best thing to do is wait a full week depending on how often you see her and wait for her to ask you to come out again with her friends. Dont worry, if shes interested she WILL ask you again. Next time say yes when she asks. As you have asked 3 times in a row i want you to look at the neediness involved here. Dont get me wrong you did a good job up until the saying NO but after that you ballsed up a little.

      Her actions of avoiding/being busy are signs of disinterest. How do you get her to show interest? Simply be scarce and disappear until she talks to you again.

      Tip: If something doesnt work why keep doing it? IF you chase and chase and chase a date with her and she runs from that opportunity what happens when you run the other way instead? Asking her out 3 times in a row and expecting different results is doom, let her come and ask you this time.

      Then when she next shows interest then you can respond. I Will gladly take you through this if she texts you later this week etc 🙂 Also your value is NOT based off how many other women want you, its based on how attractive you actually are inside.

      Right now she may have been put off a little, but i still believe this can be turned around. Always have patience in the courtship and let things flow naturally. There is never any rush mate, if a woman wants this to go further with you she will do her best to make up plans with you, just let her do it more often.

      In the mean time keep busy and mysterious and you should be fine. Good luck 🙂

      • Hi Jay! I Kept almost a week silence and talked to her few days before! When I ignored her she was checking on my facebook profile often. I noticed that my presence gives laugh in her face! Yesterday I was in the club, everyone were dancing I saw she declining dance offer from other boys and saying something in their ear after which they were looking at me. She is taking it real slow (she is shy type). I don’t have the patience now lol! 🙂

        • Sounds like you might be in but do not abandon being patient for being keen or desperate, keep strong and do not fall or jump at the first sign of interest from her. Keep doing what works, don’t abandon what has already worked for you, patience has worked so keep doing it. Good luck 🙂

      • Hi Jay!
        Thanks for the reply. Wrong girl again it seems. I recently indirectly asked her like this_ i met this girl girl and i think she is nice. Previously she didnt replied to my date invitation.Should I ask her again? She said If it was she, she is not interested. Game over! I was again wrong in my instincts, I can’t believe 🙂 Crazy girl why at the first place was showing those signs then!

  115. Hey Jay decode this please,

    So I recently joined a graduate program and saw a pretty girl in my class. At first, I knew that she was out of my league so i decided not to pursue her. Few days later, at a social party she invited her boyfriend along with her. However, every other time since then her bf is not with her when she goes out. On another social, we had a brief one line conversation where she ased me what kind of girls i date. I told her i go for hispanic even though i’m indian (she is from ecuador). That was it for that night. She went home later.
    About 2 days ago my friends and I went to a boardwalk and she was there without her bf again. That night she complimented me on my shorts, asked me What my gf does (even though before then I never told her if I did or did not have a gf). I replied that I am not in a relationship. She also played a staring contest with me ,out of the blue, to see who blinked first. Ofcourse I won!
    She also mentioned that she was trying to get her bf to go to church with her. And if that didn’t work, she would know what to do. Maybe she was implying that she might breakup with him?

    Next day in class she never once initiated a conversation or talked with me. Can someone tell me what this girl is up to? Is she playing games? Should I ignore her? Should I just be a friend & continue to talk to her?

    • John i would not get involved with a girl who is clearly with someone else, not only this but you are coming off a little needy, go for a girl who is single and not taken. Besides would you really want to go out with this girl if she leaves him for you? Because if you do get with her now she will only leave you for another guy (the same cycle keeps happening), you get me? She also seems quite shallow that she would leave her bf because he doesn’t go to church.

      I would focus on other girls for now, single girls. If she is single later and she does breakup with him then that is the only time you should think of dating her or getting closer, perhaps then we can talk about that scenario but for now focus on your life and other girls who can actually give you a relationship and not this one who clearly is having some crisis with her boyfriend, the best thing to do is stand back and let their relationship end if its going to. Always respect their relationship. Good luck 🙂

  116. There’s a girl at work I do notice she stares at me a lot when I pretend not too look but when I do look back she quickly looks another way . And today she sat at the table I was sitting at when there was another two tables free an she sat right Infront of me so I had to look at her. I also noticed she does come around me quite often at work . I recently went with a friend and she told me the same thing she came by me a lot and did look at me but never said hi or anything and as we were leaving I look back to the clothes section where she works and she looked back at me . Are these signs of something?

    • Hey Sandra. Sounds like when you catch her looking she is afraid she was caught, its likely she is into you . She is obv sitting near you and at the same table so you notice her. Sounds like she is shy but i would say hi and talk to her, there is a very very good chance she is into you. If talking to her goes well and she reacts positively to you talking to her get her number and take it from there. Good luck 🙂

  117. Hey,

    I got a lot of info from this so thanks. Just a quick one… Me and this girl have been up & down for a bout three months. We actually met three months ago. Thing started great. We was really into each other. I then jumped the gun a little and accused her of seeing other guys at the same time as me. I got it so wrong & really upset her. I managed to get back in her goo books with a really sweet gesture. Back on talking terms and I wanted to bring it back to where it was. As things progressed a a couple of setbacks occurred .. Annoying set backs that i wish just didn’t happen but they and in a weird way I think made us grow closer to each other.
    Recently its just been mind games.. And it’s frustrating cause I really want to see her, & I generally feel in my heart she wants to see me to but we both play this ‘I’m not weak and can handle this’ attitude when really I just want to tell her I miss her without hurting my pride.

    Recently I borrowed a movie off of her. We spoke briefly after I watched it aboutbth movie bit I kind of cut it short. #MrCool

    Then after tryin I set up an evening with her one night recently, she ignored my request. Then I followed up my message in the morning with a ‘ morning, are you going to answer me? Lool’
    And again no response. Ten hours later she messages me sayin Hi Joe to which I ignored. then she followed that up with ‘ joooooe’ but I continued to ignore her with te attitude “oh now you want to talk”
    So then she’s calling me and leaving me a couple more message short ones like “oooooi” and eventually I answered her call that same evening and this was all about asking if she could have the movie back tonight for her and her friend to watch.

    My big question to all this is, is it normal to bug me so much over a movie or did she actually want more to just talk/interact with me?

    Thanks for reading

    • Hi Joe, Unless you are officially together you have no say or control of who she sees or hangs out with, this is a jealousy and a control problem with yourself that you need to address. If she is playing mind games with you then you should be backing away, never give attention of any form to a woman who displays bad behaviour or rudeness (including ignoring you). Then the next part.. she is rude and badly behaved to you because you encourage her to act that way.

      After reading your post fully you are too ‘clingy’ and ‘needy’, if she is ignoring your request for a meetup it is cause 1) your showing too much interest and.. 2) she is not interested in seeing you. THer ignoring you is a sign she is not interested at all, when a woman never replies to you do not send any message after the first, one is enough, you got your point across in first one for sure. Sending a second wont change her mind or make her like you more. If she doesnt reply to the first or ever again then its her loss.

      Also you are playing games with her right now because she simply wants her film possesion back, give her the dvd back and retreat. If you want some tips to become more attractive i will gladly help and give you some tips, i have to admit though this woman may have lost all interest now because she has way too much power over you. There is too much chasing by your side and too much ‘im hard done by’ behaviour and she feeds her ego off this kind of stuff. As for her ignoring you never reward her ignoring with more and more replies. If you keep texting her after she ignores your 1st msg your basically saying “babe you can be badly behaved and i will reward you with further texts for ignoring me”.

      I advise to let this one go mate, if she wants you she will be back. If not then you are moving on anyway. She does not want to interact with you right now, she just wanted her film back. Im sorry to say this but there is a good chance you may have screwed up this one for good. A womans ‘actions’ and ‘body language’ tells you how much she is interested hence her action of not replying means she is not interested in taking it further with you. Her power over you and messing you around is because you need the relationship more than she does, she senses this and dangles the cheese in from of you, you chase the cheese, instead let her chase you.

      Now that you are not getting what you want you feel you have a loss of control over her + you wanting her to want the same things you want. The best thing i can advise is to try your best to move on and regather yourself (since this ‘may’ trigger her interest further down the line since when you take something from a girl she will re-evaluate your personal relationship and consider if she likes you again). Good luck.

  118. Ok well I been seeing this girl at the gym we always meet at the gym share stories about our day. You know flirt all day long text a lil before we go to the gym she always ask me if I’m going. We went on a lil date once was not really a date cuz she said she needed help to the dentist to I went wit her we ate dinner after. Pretty much this girl does not leave my sight at the gym. I know she likes me but when I asked her out for dinner she does not respond or ends up being too busy. Should I just leave this girl alone or just do the same thing with out getting any where I really like this girl .

    • Hey Tone, its funny because in your comment you have actually answered your own question, if you look close you will see. In the last part you say that your not getting anywhere by doing the same thing right? What happens if you keep doing the same thing? You get the same results. Point is if you keep chasing and she keep running from any idea of dating what happens when you are the one running instead? She becomes the one chasing you instead 🙂

      So yeah for now i would back away, if a girl doesn’t respond well to going further i.e she says no, shes busy or she rejects you in some form then the best thing to do is stop pursuing and let her come to you instead. I would also slow down any chat with her and give her less attention than you usually would, this allows her to come after you more often and put more effort in than you are.

      Only ask for her number once she seems like she wants you to ask, until then watch if her interest is high or low in you by her body language, right now it does’t sound high but it doesn’t low either, pulling away should build some intrigue in her. Until then though keep your cool and back away somewhat until she comes to you more often, girls don’t always want you to do all the work n chasing.

      I do think she is somewhat into you but wants to go slowly, so instead of looking for the date through talking simply chat because you want to chat let her come to you next time you go gym, take some of your power back so she becomes the one trying to impress you etc. Keep me posted. Good luck

  119. I’m trying to figure out what my female friend thinks of me. She has been dating the same guy for a long time, and he is a friend of mine too, but I have become closer with her over the last few years.

    Her boyfriend is out of the country until Christmas so I think this may have something to do with our increased contact. She comes to me for things that she should be talking with her boyfriend about, mainly family problems and fears about life. She is also really generous to me and kind, so I know that I’m not being used, at least not intentionally.

    When we hang out in large groups, we are basically always right next to each other and we tend to talk to each other more than anyone else. She does a lot of playful hitting and touching, especially when we have been drinking. We get mistaken for a couple a lot. One person told us that we act like we’re married and I’ve heard similar comments from a few friends.

    I’m really confused about this, I see all of the signs but I can’t be sure until I actually address it with her. I’m reluctant to do this because I truly care about her as a friend, but I think there is potential for more and I know that we will lose contact eventually if that is all we ever are, and that is not something I like to think about. let me know what you think.

    • Jeff if she is dating someone then her leaving you for him will only cause you problems later on, if she can leave him for you she will leave you for him and the cycle is endless trust me. If you want to get somewhere serious with this girl wait till she is single first, you also risk being a rebound if she dumps him for you.

      I would back away and not get involved with someone who is already taken, do not be an option to her while she is your priority. Are you okay with damaging her current relationship and getting in between them? I myself would not want to do that to two people i respect. Even if she is showing you signs it would be very insincere to jump at the chance.

      I would focus on a new girl, if in the future she leaves her guy or boyfriend then you have a good chance and we can discuss more. Also she is using you to some degree if she seeks you for security, if she is extremely close to you then she is being unfair on her boyfriend as well and playing the both of you. i should hope that’s not the case.

      Give her some space and back off bit by bit if you want to see her true feelings emerge, being around her often wont help. If she comes looking for you later and ends the relationship with the other guy then she is worthy of your time and a relationship. But for now id focus on the single ladies. Good luck

  120. Theres this girl I’ve liked for a while and she recently told me she liked someone else which brought me down, but today she told me its been a few days since she’s talked to the guy she liked and she is becoming more flirty with me I’ve told her I liked her. She told me she gets a bit jealous when I talk to other girls I am confused what should I do?

    • Michael you may still have chance because of her jealousy however you need to get it right this time otherwise you will be friend zoned permanently. First rule of advice: ‘Never’ tell a woman you like her, instead ‘show’ her, the difference is not to use words to tell her you like but use your body language and your playful attitude. Telling her “i like you” destroys all attraction she had for you up to that point.

      It sounds to me like now the other guy doesn’t like her she is coming to you and is treating you like a fallback, so turn this around on her and start being really tough faced. Behave like she cannot just have you whenever she wants you at her whim, be the guy who is hard to acquire and she will find you more interesting. You should also play hard to get so that she cant figure out if you like her anymore, the more she cant figure out your interest level the better that is why i say do not tell her you like her in words.

      The fact she gets jealous when you talk to other girls is a good sign though, i cant mention that enough. Just play hard to get and let her come to you. Keep your mystery so she cannot figure you out! This will generate interest in her and eventually she will get to a point of constantly needing your attention.

      When she opens up eventually it should become 100% obvious she is into you, but only when you are confident of that do you ask for her number. Let me know how you get on. Good luck 🙂

  121. hi jay rando, i have some questions to ask you. can i ask you via email instead of posting it here? if possible can i have your email?

  122. Hey,
    Just scrapd all that you told me man. I was walking from class today & she told me that she was going to the library to meet with her ex, which is ok, but then she started talking about him & how they broke up, then she said the worst thing ever: “Yeah, & I have a boyfriend now…” :'( broke my heart </3 I can tell that she doesn't know that I like her…

    Anyway, there is this other girl I have been talking to in my psych class, but I've become very confused about her. We have been texting, but last night she wanted me to call her. So I did, & right at the start she called me a dork & asked if I was dorky & said some mean things & asked everything about my high school life but with an attitude & we talked about other stuff… She sounded serious throughout our conversation, but she still wants to talk to me & meet up to do chapter summaries tmwr. I'm just really confused :/ Could you please advise me what to do or what this means?

    I just really want to be with someone in a serious way but it just seems like there isn't anybody up to my standard that is available. I go to North Greenville University where the ratio of girls is more than the guys (thank goodness! lol) but I really don't know what to do anymore & it's only the 2nd week of college…

    Oh & sorry for telling you my life story of whatever. I know this site is for specific questions but this sort of stuff happens to me all the time & idk what else to do.

    • Hey Sammy. It seems she is hanging out with her ex still (not good news). It could be she still likes him and this goes double if they broke up not too long ago. Its not just that but i think she could just see you as a friend, friendzone is ‘not always’ permanent but in most situations it can be. If seeing her around makes you sad focus on a new girl and stop being close buds with her, slowly drift apart from her. The more she cant have you the more chance you may have later or in the future.

      Here is one thing you can learn in psychology: ‘Never reward bad behaviour’… this new girl sounds bratty so ignore her and don’t let what she says bother you, you are not dorky, your cool. If she is saying it in a jokey way then play it off, if she is being mean then why the heck are you buds with this girl!? Also tell yourself you are cool and that her one opinion doesn’t stack up against the other people(friends) and women who dig you! including me 🙂

      It could also be this girl who is calling you names likes you, its hard to explain but if you read the signs in the blog above there is a part that explains WHY she acts mean to you. None the less she sounds very immature so ignore her when she acts badly behaved, it will confuse her and surprise her. Lets be honest if a little kid called you dork you would ignore them and keep walking right? Do the same to her until she decides to grow up 🙂 This may seem unproductive to you but it works, this is how psychology works, he who cares least is the one with the power in every situation.

      Say no to meeting up, if she is treating you mean don’t feel the need to owe her anything. You have more worth than that.

      I understand you want to be with someone but if you look too hard you wont find anyone. Looking harder makes no difference, i say this from experience. Be patience and wait for a classy girl to come to you who shows some of the several signs above then talk to her if she shows any of those indicative signs. Your lucky your in classes and in a university where there are more girls, I am in uni classes that have hardly any women since they are all computer based! Pfttt 😉 but i gotta live with that *laughs*.

      It is fine, i only ask that people don’t spam the same message again and again. Your last message was received 3 times and the bot reported it as spam so i had to correct it (i know you probably did it by accident). So your comment now appears and i can answer it (though a bit late). Any further questions feel free to ask mate, talk soon.

  123. Hey Jay,
    I jut need some quick guidance on a specific issue. I’m a freshman college student who is of course trying to get use to this different lifestyle. I’m talking to many girls right now, but there is 1 girl in particular who I really want to go out with. She asked for my name & she talks to me some. I’ve only seen & talked to her once in class so far, but I really do think we would get along. She is a college sophomore & I know it’s definitely ok to go out with older girls but I usually talk to younger girls, so how do I approach this situation? I’m
    really thinking about asking her out very soon…
    Also, I’ve never really had a true girlfriend, but don’t get me wrong. I get along great with girls & I have a bunch of girls that are friends but they never want it to escalate anymore than that /: So how do I avoid constantly getting put in this “friend zone”??

    • Hey man, dating an older girl isn’t a problem, it is only when the maturity between two people is very different that it can become a problem.

      Number 1 rule: only ask a girl out if you are confident she likes you. I would wait to see how many indicators of interest she gives you then weight them all up. Sometimes us guys approach women with the mindset ‘i want this’ without really addressing if the woman wants us. Id wait until she opens up some more.

      Avoiding the friendzone id say is down the following:
      1) not expecting anything or looking for specific outcomes i.e if you approach women as HOT it wont help but if you approach it as “i will let life fold out while i do my own thing” then you will be better off.

      2) being too nice or a pushover. For example when you see guys buying women drinks or telling her how great she is, this is like giving a woman the benefits of a boyfriend.. in other words don’t do the giving until your actually officially dating.

      3) your focus should always be on you rather than the woman, if your aim is to impress a woman or be available as away to give yourself a better chance it will not work. Instead be mysterious and do things such as ending conversations first or being scarce.

      Women actually do the choosing well before we ask them out. This is why i dont bother asking out a woman who is giving neutral or negative body language. I only ask a woman out who gives me positive tone, vibes, body language and actions.

      Always look at how she acts around and that for is the indicator of whether to proceed. Attraction requires a lot of ‘building’ and patience. Warm her up slowly then ask her out.

      I hope this helps, i think that the less serious you take relationships the more likely they will come to you in due time. This is why i prefer to let the woman fancy the pants off me and keep the suspense then do the asking out once she has warmed up in that way.

      You could ask her out but if her attraction has not built up it might not be enough, women love suspense and sometimes taking your time to ask her out is actually better. Good luck mate.

      • Thanks man for this much needed advice! I’ve thought about & knew some of the things you have told me, but now I understand a lot of other stuff you said because of the depth of your advice on this subject. So again, thanks a bunch!!
        I just had one quick note I wanted to point out: Trust me, in my head as most guys are, I want to move fast with a girl, but in reality I seriously want to take time with a girl & get to know her & I truly believe I could do that! Here is the problem… the fact that everyday there might be another guy moving in to take her even more than me & if they act fast, then I just blew my chance :/

        • Replace your fear of losing her to another guy with confidence of being able to take your time and get any girl you want. Honestly the more patient you are the better, most guys just jump in too quickly and fail the tests of women because their goal was to show their interest too soon rather than take the time to read the woman’s interest level was in align with their own. As you are in a class with this girl you have all the time in the world mate 🙂

          If she digs you to some degree already she wont let any guy come inbetween her and you, women do not think like us guys.. they do not just accept any guy who simply asks for her number, why? Because she has no history or comfort with him aka rapport. She needs to ‘feel’ a specific way with a guy to say YES.

          Talk to the girl your interested in and lead a convo with her, if she gives off a positive body language ask if she wants to go out one time, if she says YES then good, this means you can get her number and arrange something one time with her. Then you ‘must’ approach this as a meetup rather than a date so there is no pressure on her.

          After some times of speaking to her you should be able to tell where you are in the courtship with her and whether to pursue further. Remember whilst all those hopeless guys hit on her with silly “your hot” comments and buying her drinks your gonna be different and not do that. If you expect less from your encounters then women will wonder why your not hitting on them and this creates attraction in them toward you.

          Know this too.. if she digs you to some degree already then she ‘wont’ let some other guy come in between you two and take your spot, if she does let another guy ahead of you then she was never interested in the first place or was simply too desperate for a bf.

          I would recommend seeing if you could watch some online material like david de angelo (you can download it in a few places here and there). But of course can take you through it step by step too. I know this is long msg but i tend to write big replies as i like advising in a way that is clearer and more detailed.

          Cheers 🙂

      • Once again thank you so much for the advice! I will try me best to do the things that you are telling me & I might go look at that stuff from that guy you mentioned too…

        Also, I did actually have the guts to actually ask her if we could hangout sometime! 🙂 I said something like: “I know your going to be busy with volleyball & stuff but if you ever wanna hangout just let me know.” Then she said: “Yeah, sure *smiled as she went into the dorm house* I might need your help on that stuff (the computer class)”

        I didn’t ask for her # though :/ because everything was happening so quick & I knew we were about to part ways. I’m trying to think of ways to ask her but I’m not too sure? Oh & I’ve been wondering about what she said. At the end it made me think that she is taking this the wrong way. Like maybe all she does want is my help, but I really want it to turn into something serious. I know everybody is different but I just don’t know exactly what to think at this point…

        *(Sorry for the double reply! I just put spaces between the paragraphs to make it easier to read)

        • Yeah id check out David De angelo, i mean imo he gets 80% of it right, most of it is good stuff and you can get it free in many places, also on youtube. but i would advise actually becoming attractive before attracting a woman, inner game is being attractive, outer game is about enticing the woman purposely.

          ‘Also, I did actually have the guts to actually ask her if we could hangout sometime!’

          Cool atleast you are brave, does take guts sometimes. But it feels better when it is casual as then there is no pressure.

          Then she said: “Yeah, sure *smiled as she went into the dorm house* I might need your help on that stuff (the computer class)”

          Okay the above sounds okay, she is willing to do some homework with you however.. becareful also because the above can mean she just using you. So if she helps you then you can help her. However in this line of work dont do all her work for her, just give her some bits of help every now and then. If you do everything for a woman it can be BAD. But im sure you will be fine if you go slowly.

          I’m trying to think of ways to ask her but I’m not too sure?

          Do not ask her out if there is no main indicator of interest, this is what i mean by going too quickly. Go it slowly, go with the flow and day by day until she opens up more. When she opens up more she will either give off indicators she is interested or she wont. If she doesnt then of course its pointless asking her out, for now just watch her actions and her responses to you. Come back here to discuss by all means.

          ‘Like maybe all she does want is my help, but I really want it to turn into something serious.’

          Maybe, you are catching on a little but i will give you this personal quote of mine, It doesnt matter what YOU want if her interest level is not the same. Asking out now is just asking for a NO. Build attraction first between you, build tension. If you dont then she is not going to say YES to a guy she hardly know or feels anything for, you get me? So take your time building up tension, this is how women work, they need to trust a man first and see him display confidence so that they can feel attraction.

          ‘I know everybody is different but I just don’t know exactly what to think at this point…’

          The problem is your way of thinking, do not approach women in the way you approach them, approach them like they are people or just guys. All you need to ‘think’ is that you are awesome, you are the prize (do not be cocky or egotistical however) and finally know your own value. She is no better than you, she is just a person, if you approach this without any thought of getting with her IT IS more likely to happen.

          Do you know that guys 80% of time score women who they either not interested in or women they do not tell their feelings? Why is this? The answer is this: you hide your interest until the moment she becomes interested. Asking her out casually you can do eventually but for now just get to know her for a few weeks and see where it goes. Cheers!

  124. She studies in d clss nxt to me.She’s frndly nd beautiful. .there’s a lot of rumours abt her(she strongly denies each one of dem), m also one of them.
    She was d one who approached me first nd started talking to me..Then aftr sum days i asked for her no:
    She refused but later gave it 2 me& askd for mine aftr some dayz.Then she started txtng nd callng me almost evryday,but nthng has bcom of it..
    “She keeps on talking abt useless thngs”
    ,…i don’t knw watz goin on..does she like me??

    • Hey Arun, Talking to you about useless things is a sign she probably doesnt know what to talk about so i would find a good topic to speak about, possibly about stuff like hobbies, tv programmes or anything in common you have i.e class. that way the convo wont be awkward or pointless etc.

      From what i have read there is some chance she likes you but i would take it slow. She approached you first and called you often, not a bad sign mate.

      Ask yourself these questions: are her text message + replies short AND shorter than the ones you send her? When she calls you how long are you on the phone, does she sound nervous or embarrased when talking to you?

      Has she casually asked you to meet her outside of school classes? Good luck

    • I been listening to what you said. Things been going on well. So i asked her out she said, she cant as she is meeting her mother and sister for dinner. She suggested the following week (but i was busy the following week so i did not asked her)

      Than after that on many different time she have mention we should meet up someday. Than she has also shared with me about her past relationship like what happen and all. Than she said we have been texing and talking on the phone so much, what are we gonna talk when we meet?

      Than i asked her last night, if she is free to meet up over the weekend. She said it should not be any problem but she will get back to me if anythings comes up. So today we were texting she mention to me that she will be working over the weekend. Like from 3pm – 11pm. What do you think? Need some opinion?

      • Jack you WERE doing well in the first 2 weeks, the fact you stuck to your busy plans the week after shows you have a life besides her and that shows good on women and on yourself. However of recent doesnt look too good for you.

        Some advise: do not over talk with this girl, keep your mystery bro, too much explaining and too much talking is not interesting her. She needs some room and space to imagine how great it is to be with you, you get me? So if you spend all day talking to her you will eventually run out things to say, spread out your convos and dont be scared to stop replying in intervals. For example if you go for dinner then you can text 4 hours later rather than straight after dinner etc.

        HOWEVER If her last text is anything to go about her interest in you right now seems LOW right now since she keeps avoiding meeting up with you, i would back away completely. Like i said above wait until she asks you to meetup with her, do not keep asking her to hang out as it will look needy i.e you need the relationship or date too much. She must put equal effort in too. So back away for now and let her chase you, be okay with what has been said and get on with your life in the mean time. If she wants to re-consider meeting up let her chase you up about it.

        Good luck

      • Jack. Its me again. Back for more advise. We finally met up. we have already met up like 4 times in 2 weeks.
        I realise she she is very comfortable with me. and also says she likes me and stuffs. but she said she wants to have assurance n stuffs before committing to me.
        But yesterday she told me that something about her past and i been affected by it. like she told me all this while she only had 2 ex BF. Than now she said she had one more but it was like 2 years ago. She said she was only together with cause she missed her first boyfriend cause they were together for 6 years. But we been talking normally ever since than and she been apologising about that n stuffs. But i am kinda lost in this.

        Plus she also mention to give her sometime before we get together.

        Just a note we been talking on the phone practically everyday and we been texting all day as well. *I dont know if its good* There are times i end the conversation and she will start conversation with me again.

        Thinking if i should hold on to this or just let her go cause she lied to me in the beginning. Thanks alot bro

        • Hey Jack, welcome back my friend. She is showing interest, there is no doubt about that but her lying to you is a very bad thing in terms of trust in relationship and it can play on your mind, if it is playing on your mind still it only shows a reflection of how the relationship will possibly be to you (you sometimes might have doubts).

          But on the flip side she seems into you, but i would keep an eye on whether she is still into any of her exes, if your sure she is not then good. To me i would give her some time, maybe she does not want to rush to deal with her emotions and feelings. If the past relationship did a number on her she may need a month or two but the fact she is texting you first even after she ended the last convos is a good sign.

          I think your going great. It is just a question of trust and whether she is not stringing any other guys along in her mind. So yeah give her sometime but if she does not get with you within 2 months then you cannot really be expected to wait. until then just be patient. Good luck 🙂

  125. Hey, Thanks for the reply. I will do a shorter one. I agree its about too long.

    Anyways, i been chatting with her on facebook for sometime. I am somehow attracted to her, At first we used to chat alot and she wont go missing but sometime i realize she have the tendency to go missing after a few days of chats. Than i would not bother asking where she lost too, (but i did message like twice where she lost too) She would came back and say i am sorry i been busy with exams n stuffs. and same thing would happen again. So she also did mention to her aunt that i am speaking to her as i always visit her aunt shop to buy some goodies before i know her, as when i was there last she said ” i heard you were here” this happen once we started chatting.

    So i wanted her number, but instead i gave her my number and asked her to add me on whats app so we can chat there but she did not add me and she just ignore my question. after 2 days she replied me just with her number and a smiley face.

    So on after that i realize she is very very slow in her replies but i realize she once got angry on why i reply her after many hours. Cause my mobile was not with me and she said you are prolly the first guy who leaves home without bring their mobile out. I want to asked her out but i am scared cause she mention that she keeps herself busy so that no guys can asked her out and She used to be offline on facebook chat now that she is online guys could date her. She just broke up with a boyfriend somewhere in April or May. They were together for 1 year and her previous was for 5 years.

    So i am so so lost on this,

    I dont know if she is playing hard to get or She just wants to take things slow, or she is not interested with me at all. Sorry its still abit long bare with me :'(

    • Hey Jack,

      The truth is she isnt ready for a relationship because she just broke up with her ex 3 month ago, she cant forget her ex boyfriend because she has been with him a year so i would give her at least 6 months before going anywhere near a RS with her.

      It sounds to me like your rushing it a bit too fast, let her come to you. She has said she doesnt want guys asking her out so that is exactly what she means, she also says she is busy often.

      Always watch her ‘body language’ and ‘actions’, if she dying to be with you, does she want to be with you often, does she smiley and hyper around you? If not then you need to be patient and let her attraction build slowly. I would ‘not’ ask her out but let her come to you instead, why? Because if she has just broken up she is not looking for something serious. Only when she has gotten over her ex will she want something serious again i.e dont be the rebound guy and dont act like best friends (it doesn’t help). Slowness in her replies mean she isn’t too interest in RS.

      And when you dont reply her after many hours and it makes her angry this is actually a good thing AS it shows she cares. SO my advice take aslong as you want to reply but dont play games or do it purposely. She cant expect you to be at her every beck and call.

      She might be interested later in RS but the fact you are going crazy over it is something you need to calm down about.. i would focus on another girl for now. Sorry if this is not the answer you are looking for but she has come out of a year RS and she needs time to be single first, trust me its not a good idea to pursue.

      Girls ‘never’ play hard to get unless their not interested or egotistical, girls who want you come after you OR give you hints to approach them. So Slow down and let her come to you. I repeat: IF she wants you buddy she will come to you, just stop chasing. Gd luck

          • Oh Yes. Lets say she did not text me today. I know she is having a exam tomorrow should i send her a all the best message? Or i should just don’t bother about it? And last week she had a exam i did send a all the best message. Whats your opinion?

          • It depends. Who chases who more? Do you chase her often, remember girls sometimes need space and if you chase too much it can push them away. If you rarely chase her i cant see why not but if she does not reply then you must accept that you tried and you must then back away until she contacts you.

            ‘Or i should just don’t bother about it? And last week she had a exam i did send a all the best message. Whats your opinion?’
            Did she reply to any of your text messages? Did she say thanks or anything of the kind? I myself would not bother if you have done it enough times already. Sending her message per exam wishing her luck is something a ‘boyfriend’ does. You do not want to act the boyfriend before you are the boyfriend, if you get me.

            Keep me posted though mate. Good luck 🙂

    • Okay so i send her a all the best text. So she replied saying thanks and stuffs. And she also continue the topic which we last spoke about. Her responses are slow but i understand maybe she can be busy. But than i asked whats her plans for today she simple just ignore my question. She replied to my another question but ignore when i asked her about her plans for today. Than she always give this mix signals. Like we last text on Wednesday afternoon, than Wednesday night she liked 1 of the video i posted on her wall on Monday. Than yesterday i posted a funny status on my Facebook, Lots of funny response and likes to that particular status. She was online Facebook the whole day yesterday changing her profile pictures n stuffs i don’t believe she did not view it also n she went to like it today morning. I am trying to talk to her on the phone but i don’t know to asked her. She is weird i swear.

      • ‘Her responses are slow but i understand maybe she can be busy.’

        Mirror this, are you taking your time to reply, are you busy?

        ‘But than i asked whats her plans for today she simple just ignore my question.’

        This is usually because your either going too fast or she feels you are interested in her, dont ask her what her plans are today. She may even think your looking for a date or she is doing something personal, while this might not seem wrong in her eyes she will likely see it differently.

        You need to take your power back Jack, she is doing all the running. Why dont you pull back and do the running instead, be the guy that got away? Let her come to you. You do not need to wish her all the best for every exam, your not her boyfrriend but your acting like her boyfriend.

        Let her come to you more often, you focus on other things for now to get your mind off her. Then you will get your power back.

        These mixed signals are likely her going 50/50 with you but i would say back away since from measuring your interest level you seem VERY interested and sometimes this isnt good, keep distance and go very slowly. Let her come to you as much as you go to her.

        Also do not purposely post things on FB to get her attention either, be attractive but dont attract her. If you understand the difference you will get results i promise. Good luck bro!

      • Hey Thanks for the information Bro.

        So Since Friday we last text and she did not reply.
        Till now we have not contacted each other. Firstly i been busy with lots off stuffs and i am keeping my mind off her. Yes of course she comes into my mind but i just do not react much to it. So i just keep myself very very busy. So do you think i should contact her anytime soon? or just don’t bother about her anymore till she contact me? You been great =)

        • Hey Jack, yeah let her come to you. Allow her to come to you in your free time, you may fear doing this incase she moves on but this actually does opposite, if you try pull her in she will run but if you yourself run she will come after you.

          Be scarce and mysterious and she will wonder why you are not contacting her anymore, if she does like you to some degree she should text you within a week or so 3-7 days. If she doesn’t contact then you know she was not interested. Reply here if you get a message from her 🙂 good luck!

    • Yea i got it. Its already close to a week, Tomorrow will be 1 week, so if she does not contact i would not bother about her anymore. As Life Goes On, Sometimes i do feel like contacting her, but than i always hold back, If she miss me to a certain extend she would have contacted me. Thanks mate.

      • Thats exactly it Jack, this is how you take power back and show the highest self worth, if she is not chasing you atleast little then you have done all you can.

        And correct if she did miss you or does miss you she will be in contact, she has failed to do that – that means you can focus on something else and shove her to one side. If she does contact make sure you have less time for her etc. Sorry it did not work out but there will be plenty of other girls, good luck mate 🙂

      • Bro, i really learn a lot from you. I don’t know who you are but you give very good advises. And yes i been very very busy, I always post status on facebook everyday full comments and likes. Surprisingly i posted something which is happening in my life lately. Than she commented and stuffs. I wonder why …

        • Thanks Jack, appreciate that very much, feel welcome to post any future questions here. By the way, Try this..

          Tip: being on facebook does not actually equal being busy or looking busy. Get out more etc. Facebook can give the impression you use it too much sometimes, if you use it less it will create more and more mystery and it intrigues women like crazy.

          The more scarce the more mysterious you become, give it a try if you want. Talk later 🙂

    • Jay, Its me once again. I followed what you said, in fact i deactivated my Facebook. And guess what she actually started contacting me. Its been close to a week since we started again. I used to complain that she always goes missing for a few days and than come back. But no more of such, Like she always don’t end conversation with me. She also did mention that once her exams are over on Monday she would have all the time on the world. And she indirectly said to meet up, As she wants to have a debate with me. She is always telling me that i bring her to a whole new level, she says i am very very sweet and stuffs. but truth i don’t really flirt with her. I do say sweet stuffs but not cheesy stuffs. Our Topics are very very weird we talk particularly everything under the sun.

      BTW i need your advise on this. On Friday, we were texting than she fall asleep but she did not reply me in the morning also. So i just ignore it and carry on with my day n did not text her. She text me about 8 plus in the night, and she also asked me a weird question if i know of any places where she can do trekking, i was wondering why she asked me such stuffs. What does it mean? Was she waiting for me to text her? or was she missing me? Thanks alot Bro

      • You will notice she will contact you when you back away, this is how attraction works, when she cant have you she cant measure your interest in her hence she chases you.

        The only problem is that you need to cool your keen-ness towards her so if she contacts do not be in any rush to reply or reply with massive long texts, play it cool. Once she has sent the text the ball is in your court and you have the power.

        ‘Like she always don’t end conversation with me.’

        Why are you not the one ending the convo? Ask yourself this question. Also never extend a convo to the point of boredom, sometimes talking too much or sending too long a message is recipe for disaster too so play it cool and dont give away too much, end convos first etc. If she can do it you can too. This is how you create mystery 😉

        ‘And she indirectly said to meet up’

        Let her do this, let her mention the meetup.

        ‘I do say sweet stuffs but not cheesy stuffs.’

        Stop saying sweet stuff. Impressing girls doesnt work. Instead just be yourself and stop giving her sweet comments to butter her up. A woman or girl will read this as you trying too hard in some cases. Flirting is fine if you are playful to a certain degree.

        ‘we were texting than she fall asleep but she did not reply me in the morning also. So i just ignore it and carry on with my day n did not text her’

        You did right but your interest in her is too much, you need to cool it down, why dont you end the convo? and fall asleep on her?

        it doesnt mean anything, if she wants to see you or be with you trust me you will know it, her asking for places was just a question. nothing more to it… now if she asks about seing you then were talking. Talk soon buddy!

    • Hey Jay, Its me once again. Need your advise.

      Same Chick, So things went off very well, we were both very happy with each other and stuff. She said she loves me and etc. But about 2 weeks ago she told me that she needs more time to think about it as she is no longer sure if she wants something out of me and she also mention that she no longer love me but instead it dropped to she likes me. We also been having lots n lots of arguments and on my part like i felt i was wrong that i tried to cage her and stuffs, (No contacting of guys, we must speak everyday, we must meet as often as possible) she did mention that she also wants to work this out and she said lets start a fresh like how things were than when we had no arguments and stuffs. I need your help on what should i do? Should i just let her go? Should i give her time? Your advise would be greatly appreciated.
      *Just a note we were very physical and we are still physical. We have not done sex yet as she is still a virgin.

  126. Hey Guys, I am New here Please bare with me.
    I Max, From Malaysia.

    I need some advise.

    Couple of Months back I meet this woman in a shop. The moment i saw her, I was like wow this is the kind of woman i been looking for. We did not spoke, I got my stuffs and i left.

    Just 2 months ago i went to the shop again this time round she is alone, I was thinking fuck how am i gonna speak to her? I guess with god’s grace I heard some OM Sound coming from the room than I just asked her, Are you hearing what i am hearing? She said Don’t worry, Some people are just meditating in the room. So the boss arrived and i got my stuffs and make the payment. While i was making the payment she asked me for my name, I was like is this something new? Cause no one ever asked me name before. She was no its not and it just for records. So i gave my name and left.

    A while later i was just browsing on Facebook looking for some new chicks to add, but none of them interest me. Either they were attached or I did not find them beautiful. So this particular Facebook profile i clicked when i was about to shut down. I found her cute and decided to send her random request, So after sometime she approve my request but i did not bother viewing her pictures as i was also having my exams that particular week. So few days later after accepting me She send me a message, Saying she knows me and stuffs, but i misread it as how do i know u. So i just replied you look kinda familiar, cant remember where i saw you. Than she mention she shop name, I was like WTF how could this ever happen on earth. So we chat for abit than she said, she got to go now and said i guess we will catch up soon.

    I message her on Facebook after 1 week than we spoke alot and we shared alot of common things, and she was saying she had a 5 years relationship went down the drain. So we continued chatting for about 5 days in a row. Than suddenly she went missing, I was like WTF. I felt so weird and all but i did not want to appear so desperate and stuffs so i just wait and see if she would reply.

    So like after 4 days, I felt frustrated and decided to send her a message saying like Busy woman, where you lost too. She replied me back after a day saying she been having lots of test and she knew i was going for a holiday the same day she replied and said have fun n stuffs. So i replied her the moment i reach my hotel, and after that i put my status i will be away without any internet for the next 24 hours as i was going for a hike. Than once i got back i check my message there was nothing, i became moody again :'( Than i updated my status i am back and stuffs. She replied me right away, We again spoke for about an hour than i realise we actually share lots of common interest. Than suddenly she went missing again.

    Days pass but i did not approach her. After 1 week, i was thinking i will approach her tonight, But i decided to watch soccer highlights first than once i am done i will text her. She pop up out of no where saying she is very sorry and stuffs. As she been busy with school and stuffs. I was like it always happen n stuffs and she tried to explain. So she foolishly asked me how is my holiday coming about. I am a very Facebook person so i always checkin here and there. And once i was back i also did that. So we again continue chatting for about 5 days in a row. I did mention that i will be heading to the shop soon again as i needed to get something and my cousin wanted to get something as well. than she was like teasing me you must come from so far and stuffs. Than on the last day she said she is gonna sleep, I said good night and she did not reply. Fair Enough ( But i did not asked her number till now)

    Few days later on a saturday, Well i approached her, I had the best chat with her, we spoke for about good 7 hours and her replies are all very responsive and we shared alot, i mention a bit about my past and she was impress that i change and all. Than after that again she went missing! ( But yet to ask for her number.

    Than 3 days later i missed her too much. I approached her but she did not reply till 24 hours later as she said she is busy with school and with tuition and work. I was like fine, than she went offline after a while again she did not reply too my last question. But i did not bother as I know she is busy. Than on her exam day i send her message like all the best n all and she did not reply as she was busy i guess.

    Than during her exam day i went back to the shop with my cousin. She was not around so we got our stuffs and we left. Than after few hours she replied saying she just saw my well wishing text and stuffs, and she mention i heard you were in the shop earlier. I got so shy like she mention to her boss ( And that’s her Auntie) that we speak and all.

    So after a few texts i actually gathered some courage to ask her for her mobile number. But i did not want to sound so desperate so i asked like this. Facebook been so laggy latey, Are you on Whats app? Than she replied why is Facebook laggy? and said yes i am on Whats app. Than i said this is my mobile number add on whats app. She did not replied fuck i felt so depress and i did not know what to do. Night came and i slept. So when i woke up i login to Facebook for a few hours hoping she would reply but she did not do so at all. I went out and i felt so fucking depress like why always me. So i did that on Friday than Saturday no reply still. Than came Sunday. So i was thinking what to do. I was actually thinking of going low and say maybe you are uncomfortable and stuffs we can still continue chatting on Facebook.

    But ever since Friday she did not replied i just kept my self very busy, like where ever i go i just checked in all just to show her that if you chose not to reply i wont bother and think about it. I was out the whole day on Saturday as well.

    Than on Sunday I meet a friend for lunch and checked him in. So i spoke to him and told him my situation his advise was like just ignore it keep yourself busy and i should not approach her. but i felt i should just text her again saying maybe you are uncomfortable and stuffs we can still continue chatting on Facebook.

    But I did not know that i was holding a Ace Card. So on Sunday after i got back home from lunch about 3 plus i login Facebook again. After 30 mins without me approaching her, Out of blue she just message me her number with a smiley face. Than i said she is sucha busy bee and stuffs. Than we carry on chatting on facebook. Than She said was working overtime on Saturday as she was also doing an event. Than i asked why you working so hard? She said she wants to keep herself busy, Than i said i am sure all the guys who wants to meet you must make a appointment months months ahead. Than she said the reason why she works hard is because no one can ever asked her out. Than i was thinking how am i gonna asked her out.

    Than on monday we carry on chatting, than suddenly i said i think meeting god is easier than meeting her. Than she challenge me saying how is that possible? than i said by doing meditation than she challenge me by explaining to me how meditation works and how difficult it is. In between we were also speaking about love. Than she gave her views of it than when she loves someone she always love him whole heartily. Than she also mention that it been a month since i been on facebook chat so if guys wants they can take their chances to date me. (Wondering if she is referring it to me) Than i challenge her again saying that meditation is not so hard and explain to her. Than i also mention about my past love which happen 2 years ago n stuffs. How much i went thru and stuffs. but again she went missing. I totally have no fucking clue why she went missing again.

    Than i was like fine, Before i sleep i will send her a good night message on what app. Since she gave me her number i should make use of it. But she only replied the next morning. Saying good morning n stuffs as i am unable to bring my camera phone to work i could not read it till i got home. Than i apologise n stuffs for the late reply than she replied saying “You are the first person who would prolly leave their phone at home” Than i explain to her than i am cant bring my phone in and all. She understand i guess.


    • Jack it would be easier if you posted shorter messages so i can take you through it one bit at a time, this is far too long buddy. I will say this though:

      Slow down, stop caring so much, dont be needy, dont over think everything and dont rush her. It sounds like you are too invested in her when you should be invested in many other things. If you want to go through it step by step repost with shorter messages and i will be happy to help you.

      Cheers and Good luck 🙂

  127. I would also say (!) haha that I’ve learnt a lot about all this stuff, just annoying that I’ve learnt it without the upsides of a relationship too :/

    Maybe I’m just unlucky lol all my mates walk straight into relationships with the first girl they ask. Don’t get me wrong this isn’t a rant haha 🙂

    • I used to think the same, the trick is that your ‘mind’ is what holds you back, the mind is the attractive part of you. I would recommend studying positive core beliefs or affirmations, as for bad luck sometimes it can seem that way from research a lot of women gives indicators of interest all the time its just that guys aren’t aware or are too naive to see them. Honestly i bet you have admirers but haven’t noticed, i was where you are now about 2/3 years ago, i kept feeling unlucky etc but then realized women liked me all a long, it was just about getting push pull theory right and understanding what they want etc.

      • I know what you say makes sense Jay, I just got a little pssed off at the time but yh done with that now. Have to see her tomorrow unfortunately (its her birthday so would look just plain rude if I ignored the fact) but after then Yh I’m continuing no contact.

        You couldn’t tell you had admirers? Lol guess there isn’t a psychological way to tell haha? 😛 Cheers again Jay

      • Hi again Jay, I’m back for more of your wisdom 🙂

        Well she has been and gone and done it, even facebook officialled it, she is in a relationship with this guy. I’ve done as you suggested the last few weeks and yh I sort of realised I don’t want to chase someone who messes guys around.

        So how come it makes me so darn angry she is in a relationship?? I thought I’d eradicated her from my mind in that sense but I just feel angry she uses me between her proper relationships. Any advice on how to remove someone from your life? haha anyway she is ignoring me now pretty much, easy to see why.

        Thanks again Jay 🙂

        • ‘So how come it makes me so darn angry she is in a relationship??’

          Because you care, just care less 🙂 don’t give a &*£% lol. Place less on future outcomes and expect less in general, then you will never be unhappy with what a woman chooses to do. Its obvious you have been wanting to be with her for a long time and that time has never come so your bound to be angry but all this waiting around could of probably been time with other women.

          ‘I just feel angry she uses me between her proper relationships.’

          I understand, just don’t let it happen again for your own sake, learn from this experience, as for being used.. we can only allow it to happen, its not just her fault, if you allow it she will allow it. That’s how people operate. Don’t let it happen again.

          ‘Any advice on how to remove someone from your life?’

          Yeah Ignore her back but.. do check out my post on exes, even though she is not your ex if you take the approach outlined in that post you will be better off and find a good way to get your mindset back 100%.

          Talk to you later. Good luck man 🙂

  128. hey wassup? I been talking to mayra and things going real smooth. like this past week I got invited to a party by mayra friend Margaret and mayra got invited to. Margaret told me about so I said who’s all going because I was sure if I would go because if mayra was going then there was no point really. first name she said she invited was mayra. anyways I was talking to a buddy of mine name ben and Margaret walked by the asile I was in and said maybe your not the only one he has a crush on. now she was most likely talking yo mayra when she said that. so I went to the party and apparently Margret had a big crush on Ben. like whenever they were talking about it I tried to but in but Margret said cornell be quiet we know who you like you like mayra. she said that like 3-4 times. I’m just like nah I’m just a driend to her. Margret like that’s not what she said. so I go to work and mayra came to me and was talking about did I go to the party. like I know she talked to Margret before me at work like I know she know I went so what was the point of asking? anyways Mayra came and got me on break witg a big surprise smiling so I started smiling once she walked away as I followed her she turned seen me smiling and she asked why are you smiling? I said dang I can’t smile and laughed then i said why are you smiling she said because your hilarious. her surprise was my grandfather he had came to see me. after I got done talking to him I went back to talk with mayra. we had a nice lil convo lil laughing lil smiling it was good.

    • Cornell your posts are so damn confusing lol! Try to reword them and paragraph them if you can. I can only get from this that Mayra knows you like her, but she likes the time being around you. But if she hasn’t got anywhere nearer or closer to you then where is this going? I for one hope she will make a more suggestive move soon. Keep me posted. Talk to you later bro.

  129. Hi again Jay

    Well I’ve managed two weeks without hearing from her, and actually acting on your advice has really helped. I’ve come to realise I should focus on myself as you say, and it seems to even make me more confident! Having said that, I have considered perhaps contacting her first because it does seem she is always the one contacting me, but I’m not sure if I should…thinking back despite all her niceties she has sort of blown me off in the past on occasion. Not sure what to do? Haven’t seen her for well over a month now so she can’t be that desperate to implement her ‘day-out’ plans she comes up with, unless she is waiting for me to do something?

    All the best Jay

    • Yup it will make you more confident. You will also notice part of you is able to keep better ‘composure’ and focus more on the important stuff in life, in reality focusing on women is actually a bad thing to do because it screws up with our head and we approach them differently without actually knowing! lol.

      Hey she does not deserve the niceties if she has blown you off on occasions, does any woman deserve niceties? For me no. They get the same as anyone else on this planet would and if they play games or change their mind all the time then i would rather focus on those who keep their promises. I would treat guy mates the same.

      If her friendship meant anything to her she will be back, otherwise its that endless cycle of going to London and then not following through on it. I think you should do a sort of limited thing, maybe appear online on facebook and see if she eventually messages you. If not then keep your head forward anyway and carry on with what your doing now, she could be doing the same thing your doing now. If she likes you enough she will fear your loss and eventually contact.

      Good to hear from you by the way mate! Am glad i have been able to help 🙂 Talk to you soon

      • Hey again Jay

        I think what your advice has done has made me realise that the way to approach it is not to try and prove myself to her or go fawning over her, but let her prove what her intentions are to me if I’m correct in phrasing that haha!

        I actually saw her this morning while I was driving through our village, she was seemingly out cycling but I pretended I hadn’t noticed her, not sure if that was maybe the correct thing to do and I don’t know if she saw me :/

        Thanks again 🙂

        • You have the right idea and you have the correct focus right here, good job. keep it that way. Too many guys go out trying to prove to women they are something they are not.. or end up thinking they are the ‘lucky’ ones who need to show they are good enough and end up with this ‘i must impress her’ mindset.

          Also do not worry about seeing her etc, she may have seen you but if she did she would most likely of texted you if she did. I would always say hi or smile if you see her around. You can still be kind just not ‘too nice’. Ttyl

          • Thanks again Jay, been thinking over the last week or so. Looking back at how things have been going recently it really seems to me now that she is purely looking for emotional support after her failed relationships rather than being genuinely interested in me. I mean, it’s been three weeks now and two months since I last saw her, and this is a regular pattern!

            It’s happened before, she suggests all these things to do etc and nothing ever comes of it. Am I wrong in my assumption, am I being harsh on her or just defeatist to myself? Haha thanks again

          • haha no your not being defeatist, just being realistic. I think that if you have been friends growing up for years then it would be somewhat wrong to chuck away a good friendship but if there was not much friendship to begin with then your not losing much anyway.

            I have had friends (girls) through my life, once you become friend-zone they usually throw you away when a new guy comes a long. The trick is that if your not around she will see you in a different light because your not into being the ‘pal’ through the tough times.

            I am very happy that you have found conclusion and truth to her actions, you are dead on in your assumption, she has probably used at times for emotional support. Whether you are stuck in FZ it hard to know but if you carry on now with what your doing you will find out in due time.

            I mean as a friend she mentions going somewhere then not doing it, this is a sign she is taking you for a ride if you allow it. She knows she does it. But even if she would make a good friend sometimes she needs to know your not always there for her, just like your doing now. Good job mate

          • Thanks for the quick reply Jay 🙂

            My only worry is that she was giving me opportunities to ask her out/make a move etc and because I didn’t she has moved on. But I also was cautious of being taken in under false colours if you like eg if she was using me as emotional support. The difficult thing to judge is the whole ‘rebound’ issue because the stuff she has said/way she has behaved in the last month or two is very similar to how she behaved toward me last summer when she was in a relationship with another guy.

            I remember she came to see me on my birthday last year and said how her bf had tried to stop her coming to see me, I don’t know whether the guy was a control freak or thought she was too interested in me, I don’t know. Anyway, whatever happened, she broke up with him the day after my birthday!

            I stand by what I said before Jay; you are as close to a female mind-reader as us blokes will ever get haha! 😀

          • I know that feeling that you may have missed an opportunity, sometimes there are missed opportunities but women thoughts and feelings can change very rapidly, one minute she can like you and next not. Its very likely that even if you did ask her out you could of got the time wrong, by this i mean you could have been a rebound for her previous guys. In fact its better you avoived that scenario. But what i can tell you, women if they like you will make it easy and they will put themself into a situation where you can read them and get to know them. Her avoiding going to london et all is just one sign she likes messing you around. You dont deserve that if you want more.

            thats good, i do actually get from you post that your not as ‘nice’ as other guys, and you did your best to avoid giving emotional support, i recongnize it in your posts. I personally think she likes the attention she gives you but does not see you as boyfriend material. your at a threshold of about 45/50% attractiveness to her (its in the eye of the beholder). IF you were 50 she would ask you to go places every now and then, the trick is to do this next time if she asks you to go somewhere. Simply say “i cant then im busy”, its not about being mean but simply not being taken for the ride. Get all the power back you may have lost if any.

            It depends really on the other guy, you say this boyfriend did not want her seeing you but i have a ‘double take’ on that part because i have been in that boyfriend situation myself. The only difference is whether the boyfriend had a reason to say it or simply because he was jealous or insecure.

            Story to tell you: I had my last ex hanging with a guy who kept trying it on with her and she told me at one point she had done things with him the past and then even had the cheek to tell me she liked him and then later took it back she meant ‘as friends’. My ex was told that if she respected me she and the relationship she would stop hanging around with this guy who she had a ‘intimate’ history with. My ex disagreed with this but i had every right that year to dump her for good because she had more interest in giving me a reason not to trust her in the first place. Not only did this seem stupid but this other guy kept telling her that im no good for her etc like a true manipulator does, but she fell for it and slept with him and then i broke up with her around xmas after she told me had slept with him whilst on a break.

            IF However this guy was simply insecure and could not handle his gf having guy mates then he was probably just a controller or manipulator. Every guy must be okay with his girl having guy mates (it shows security) but for me that rule stops when the girl starts hanging with exes and guys she has intimacy with (its like taking the P*SS), thats when i call the end of the relationship. Keep in mind many girls lie too, my girl said she slept with this other guy and then i find out of others it is not true. My advice is never to trust a woman or anyone just because she is fit. Take both sides of the story always.

            I have studied psychology including female psychology so now reading females is much easier, you should study some stuff on it, think you would really like it mate.

          • Well she has said that she got into her other relationships because she felt it was love at first sight, but they apparently ‘turned into controlling mental guys’ her words not mine. That’s when she dropped the line about love developing over time.

            Ah man that sounds awkward about your ex I mean :/ Guess your experience of these things only furthers your understanding of them though! Take the positives haha 😀

            Study female psychology? I guess that’s harder than an advanced chemistry degree? lol 😉

          • Surprisingly Psychology is too not hard but its just the flashy terms they use that get confusing lol. I think that if you enjoy it and are good at it then its awesome to learn further.

            There are i have to admit many manipulative controlling guys, if i remember rightly you said he was a rugby player right? He was probably one of the types with ego etc. Not to generalize but in the UK right now there are many arrogant competitive type guys who hate other guys who hang with their ladies.

            It does your right, i think going through these situations is a great thing, you learn faster and learn from anything you have done wrong or anything they have done wrong. Mistakes should be enjoyed for sure. Have you checked out my main blog posts before mate?

          • Yeah I’ve read them Jay they make sense. It really is crazy, I’ve asked all sorts of people for advice and trawled the depths of the internet (Mostly rubbish on there anyway!) looking for advice/pointers etc but your blog is by far and away the best and easiest to understand 🙂

            You’re right he was a rugby player, as was her first bf. Dunno what the latest (3rd) one was lol. I would say that while I’m not controlling (quite the opposite) I can easily act confident and alpha-male like when I’m out and about. I guess there is a difference between confidence and arrogance.

            It’s my personality to be easy-going and laid-back, thankfully I’ve never been in a situation where my anger has risen to levels of violence lol. Only thing is I wonder if that lack of drama/conflict may be a turn-off when it comes to women who seem to crave rows and arguments believing they make relationships ‘stronger’ etc?

          • 75% of what you find on the internet is just spammy stuff imo. i avoid the typical PUA approaches and just stick to inner attraction or just simply a good mindset, imo it all you need for your life and women coming to you.

            I think you would be pretty cool to hang out with tbh, usually when i talk to most guys they are too stubborn or too arrogant to even listen or converse properly. I work over at some forums to give advice etc and most of the guys have real big ego issues. The people who are open to listening and appreciate learning from eachother are the best to talk to.

            I’m probably quite similar to you in personality too. Anger seems really pointless and sometimes i get quite surprised at how others lose their head so often when i am just sat there being real calm lol.

            It is not the lack of drama or arguing (the nut cases like that stuff lol) it is just that you have to make a woman feel a certain way and part of that is being challenging. The challenging part is just about having your own opinions etc. Most nice guys agree with women simply because they want to get laid.

            I am an introvert but get hit on by women sometimes when i do not try, most pua forums around the web tell you that you have to have a fancy car or be extrovert when you dont. You just need to be social to some degree and have a great life and your fine. The only aspect of making a relationship ‘stronger’ is compromise after an arguement/disagreement.

            I am very good at understanding women or attracting them but i am not so good at asking them out. That is probably my ‘only’ weakness in the dating scene, i would love to try pickup with a wingman for fun but only on the basis that it was less pua style and more for the fun and confidence of it. Would be great for confidence building no doubt.

          • I think it goes back to what you said about being confident with yourself and your own life. When I first commented on here couple of months ago or whenever it was I don’t mind admitting I was not doing that, wasn’t able to think about myself as much as I should have been doing.

            And surprise surprise you were right, focusing on myself has made it easier if not cleared up all the problems and questions. Well I dunno about being cool to hang out with haha but I have been told I’m easy to talk to 🙂 And yh you’re totally right about anger Jay I’m the same don’t understand why some people get vexed over slightest things…way too much effort involved lol. I’d say I’m an introvert too but I find it easy to be sociable and act confident when out even if I don’t feel all that confident 🙂

            See I wouldn’t say I go out of my way to agree with women, I just happen to share similar opinions most of the time. Like my friend with the question about whether her tatoos bother me, I said to her well I wouldn’t personally go for them and the question was basically irrelevant seeing as they’re not visible anyway unless she’s basically naked! Added that my opinion wasn’t really valid either seeing as it’s her choice.

            Never tried it with a wingman, you may be right. Could get messy though haha!

          • Its all good bro! You have it nailed. I would talk more about this stuff but then i will not leave much to the imagination LOL. I am bringing out a book on attraction later this year, cant wait to have it finished, should be some free copies too.

            BTW the agreement thing was not aimed at you lol.
            I just meant in general, most guys do it, i call it being ‘whipped’ or p*ssy whipped. Even the buying her a drink thing comes under that same ordeal.

            Exactly, another thing to bring up is that we all have choices and responsibility for our actions. Whenever i have my own opinion on something i notice a lot of people do not like others having their own opinion, its an ego thing with many people. I been reading/studying about ego and all that too the last yr, its pretty cool good stuff 🙂

          • It sounds confusing until you get the hang of it I guess 🙂

            Been three weeks now since I heard from her, guess she has lost interest or is upset I haven’t contacted her! Don’t understand these phases she goes through, this is the third time now :/

          • Hi again Jay

            Seems I was wrong about her leaving me alone, she texted me yesterday wanting to see me today. Basically invited herself to my house but I said no we should do something else because she always wants to come to my house for some reason? What was weirder is she is adding more and more ‘xxx’s at the end of her texts. I know that could mean nothing and it’s normal for friends to do that but she’s increased them from 2, to 3, then 4, and now 5 this morning which just seems a bit weird.


          • This is classic push pull theory, i would not analyze too much what the kisses etc mean but if i was a betting man adding lots of kisses text by text is probably a sign she is trying to get your attention and is trying to make herself look interested i.e she is hinting something or she is playing around.

            Use your best judgement on her texts, if they seem overly enthusiastic you might be in, but i would not expect too much so that way if nothing happens your cool with it too.

            Be mysterious and give her some thinking to do, and also you do the leading i.e “i am going here today, you can come” but leave it simply at something that small and simple, see if she takes that bait.

            Personally you could hold out a little more but its up to you, who knows what her intentions are but if she is wanting to see you i’d be pretty disappointed with her as a friend if she turned around and said “nope sorry cant come”. Go with the flow 🙂

          • Yes I guess you’re right again Jay. It just took me by surprise and in a pathetic way I kind of panicked lol! 🙂 She keeps on texting me, sent me two in the space of an hour when I hadn’t replied to her last one. She originally asked if I was free today so I said I was busy in the day but free later on so not going to let her get it all her own way!!!

          • Good stuff, be less available and more busy, it creates scarcity for you and mystery for her because she doesnt know where you are or what your doing with your life.

            And don’t panic! Sometimes you can test something.. what you do is if you get a text off her that you deem inappropriate, annoying or not productive you can simply ‘ignore’ it in the sense you dont text back because it doesn’t deserve it i.e do not reward bad behaviour/attention OR pointless conversation.

            You will notice if you do this she will double text by the time you decide to reply.. tbh in most cases its better to not even reply to nonsense texts if she does send any, in other words if she sends a statement and no question there is prob not much need to reply unless the statement is important. Something may come of it or not, just dont expect anything and your expectations being low will help.

            See if she asks you out later (i know thats prob passed now), if she does not stick to your guns and do not break, keep doing the no contact thing, its obv working somewhat on her 🙂 GL

          • Well it seems I’m out of luck Jay :/ I saw her and she mentioned in passing that she was seeing another guy, and guess what…he’s a rugby player! Seems she’s well in with him because she said her dad had already spoken to this guy to make sure that he wasn’t going to mess her around.

            Third time this has happened since I known her. She only met this guy a couple of weeks ago but they seem to be dating already. I certainly noticed she wasn’t making as much physical contact with me as she has been in recent months and she was texting someone every few minutes (She wouldn’t tell me who so I assume it is this new guy).

            Ah well, should be used to it by now but it doesn’t make it any easier! Back to being the nice guy friend :/

          • A good excuse to move forward with your life and know that’s she more into the friendship with you, sorry to hear about it man.

            As a joke she doesn’t seem to learn from her lessons on rugby players right? If she wasnt telling you who she was texting and was keeping it secret perhaps she knew it would bother you, thats the only reason psychologically i can think she would do that.

            Hey you do not have to be the good guy friend, does she treat you as a good friend or mess you around a lot, thats probably more of an important question right now for you. But yeah, again it sux that this happened, im almost starting to think she did it to take the cheese O_o

          • Hi again Jay. I see what you’re asking, my response would be that I do feel she has messed me around but maybe that’s just my perspective being warped because of my position and emotions? On the other hand she was texting me last night and texted me again this morning saying ‘Grrr get in my bed xxx’. I obviously didn’t understand that and said ‘Im sorry?’ and she comes back claiming she was cold. If she has this other new guy to text why is she still texting me?

            And you’re right, she obviously doesn’t learn. She says she doesn’t but I think she is superficial and judges people by physical appearance. I guess her main problem is needing to have attention and feel wanted, that’s why she gets into relationships left right and centre.

            Awkward because I really don’t feel I can continue being a friend in that situation. I’d have to explain why I was avoiding her wouldn’t I but I’m not sure how to do it! :/

          • The main question or what it comes down to in my opinion is if you want friendship and you can handle it or you don’t and you want to detach any feeling you have for her.

            Your perspective may be warped but if you are annoyed or sad realistically you should do the opposition and carry on the lower contact route or no contact. Its more for you to detach from it all, in some ways its not fair on you entirely. But even telling you to share her bed is cheeky when she has a new guy. It looks quite weird and quite risky to do, she shouldn’t even be asking you that imo.

            I mean if we look at it looks good, someone telling you to get in their bed may seem promising but there is the fact of being used etc, you yourself know that she prob has tried to use you for emotional support and security, that’s her bfs job.

            The rugby thing was more of a joke but i guess it works either way, she has based her relationships on rugby players and i have no idea why, never heard a girl do that before bro! lol.

            ‘Awkward because I really don’t feel I can continue being a friend in that situation’.

            The above is absolutely spot on, use your gut feeling and pull away from her using you for stuff unless you want that and then feel more lead on then before. ALSO you dont need to explain why your talking less to her or anything, only her bf needs to do that.

            But you do need to focus on you like before, besides if she does like you for any reason asking you in her bed so quickly sounds crazy! lol. Use your best judgement and choose what you want but if you cannot put up with this friendship giving your hope over and over id cut it off (not for good) but atleast then you will you avoid all the “why did she do this or that etc” + i feel awkward in this situation.

            Even ask yourself does she treat you correctly even as a friend? That might help you pick the right answer too. GL

          • Well I know she is dating this guy, but then she also texted me again suggesting we go and have dinner together one evening. I just sort of said I’d enjoyed yesterday and didn’t give her a firm answer on the dinner thing cause to me that sounds like she is trying to play me off against the other guy. And you’re right the text about bed was just weird. I know that she really does love me as a friend, but I reckon she is confused about everything else. She tried brushing it off as ’emotionally adventurous’ when I said she risks being hurt too often hooking up with random guys.

            Apparently this other guy only lives 6 houses down from her anyway, can’t believe she has never known of him before. I think my mind is made up, I’ll have to see her 4th August because it’s her birthday but after that I’ll slowly sort of fade away lol. Painful but then again I have done it before 🙁 Maybe I should have learnt from the last time.

            Would have been a lot simpler if I had the balls to just tell her how I feel and either get lucky or get rejected at least I’d know that way!

          • Bloody hell dinner together, lol WTH! Is she double dating or what haha. I think that if you start playing her off from now on (+turning down the dinner) she will start to treat you like someone she should treat right, sometimes as guys we are better teaching a woman to be a woman or a dignified person. She wants to go around her BFs back having dinner with you!? Damn she likes to take the p*ss even behind her BF. My ex did something similar except let the other guy buy her dinner n shake.. i was so disapointed in her ‘lead other guys on’ behaviour that i nearly broke up when i found out. This is exactly what i mean by teaching a woman, only once us guys teach a woman how to behave without leading many guys on will they actually listen and start taking notice of the silliness of it all.

            Yeah your right, it does sound like shes putting you into a competing frenzy and its good you do not want to be part of that ‘game’. good on you mate. But yes she does love you as a friend in her own little way, i think she admires you as a person but i do wonder if your change in behaviour and attitude might make her change also in the future, id see if it does and carry on what you have learnt so far in life, keep improving and focusing on your life and i think some things will change in the future. Its very possible that if you do meet a girl soon she will be jealous of it etc, we’ll see though!

            The fade away sounds good if your gonna get over, get over her first then be friends. You need to change the way you view her from ‘i like her somewhat’ to ‘i no longer like her’ so then you can be friends later without those emotional attatchments, if you read my blog post ‘on getting over exes’ it goes into depth about getting over women, even if they are not your ex its worth a read definately. Its pretty much what i told you in early posts about the focus on you etc.

            My advice: never tell a woman how you feel, show it instead. Telling her rarely works unless there is already attraction there or shes old fashioned. Instead let it build and then ask her out when your confident she digs you. Love is very patient with women and i think some guys jump too quickly nowadays. I think their is sort of social imbalance in society atm, i quite cant put my finger on it but it could just be where i live in Manchester lol. Talk to you later bro

          • Cheers Jay 🙂

            You’re right I mean there’s no way I’m going out to dinner with her as much as I want to. If she has a bf now then that’s his job not mine! She was texting me the other day again. I said she should be careful because she is always complaining about having been emotionally hurt. She then said that was only when she was really in love, which obviously meant that although she has had 3 bf previous she only really loved one of them (The one that dumped her). It sort of ended when I said right now I’m happy to be single – sort of half-true I guess – and that I thought being single was simple. I haven’t heard back from her since she sort of cut-off mid conversation and didn’t reply. I dunno if she was upset I said I was happy being single or she was texting/seeing the other guy and forgot me. Maybe you can have a better guess using your guru-powers Jay? lol 😛

            She tried claiming that she was ’emotionally adventurous’ which worried me a bit – sort of set alarm bells ringing as if she leads guys on and gets into relationships purely for her own fun.

            I would say I have shown how I feel, I have told her she is important to me but maybe for a woman I haven’t been obvious enough :/ lol. Negative point is its her birthday start of August and there really isn’t a way to avoid that so I’ll have to see her then but my plan is to keep that brief and then go away and not make concrete plans to see her again any time soon. I mean the five months earlier in the year made her become closer to me so….hahaha who knows!? I surely don’t!

            Jay, you’re an absolute legend mate I’m so glad I found your blog when I did 🙂

          • ‘I said she should be careful because she is always complaining about having been emotionally hurt’
            The above she will take with a grain of salt, if you say the above it may sound to her like you dont want them to date which makes you look like you may like her or be too protective. I am being the outsider on this and looking in. Never tell a girl if a guy is bad for them or if she is setting herself up for problems in any way, let her find it out her self.

            ‘It sort of ended when I said right now I’m happy to be single’
            She may have read this as you comparing her current RS to you being single, in other words she may have likely read from this that your single-ness has something to do with her. Or your waiting for her. Keep in mind though my psychological mind is very experienced so this is how i see it but others may not see it the way i see it, she may not see it the same way because of her inexperience.. this doesnt even mean i am correct but women are socially adept and read things very easily. Ask yourself would you convince your guy mates not date whoever they like?

            ‘I dunno if she was upset I said I was happy being single or she was texting/seeing the other guy’

            Personally my thought that you randomly brought up being happy single just after discussing why her bf is no good for her is like telling her “hes no good for you but im remaining single”, of course that doesnt give away that you like her but she may read this differently, if she put the two together my feeling is that she may have identified you being single for her, it depends how you worded it.

            Dont get me wrong though there is no problem with being single because i am too, i doubt you even meant to say what you did but sometimes you can slip words that mean something else to a woman, if she senses that her RS has anything to do with you being single then…

            I personally dont think this is the girl for you if she is emotionally adventurous and keeps going for rugby players, i mean im not sure whats worse, a girl who likes sex too much or one who dates emo guys all the time? You know what i mean? Love shouldnt really contain those generalizations of people. She is basing attraction off certain attributes rather than the full picture and she is probably rebounding over and over again by the sound of it, its can be unhealthy.

            She could be very much like that, i know quite a lot of women nowadays enjoy leading guys on and fcking around + playing games. ALSO Showing her your feelings etc would not help, a woman is meant to choose the guy anyway in the courtship, all a man can do is show his character on the spot and give an impression through that.

            Thanks for the support man, i would carry on with the whole ‘no contact’ mate when you can, maybe either find someone else or just focus on studies etc. She probably isnt mature enough for long term RS and obvious is glued to this rugby fantasy (she probably reading 77 shades of grey), you seem to be much more maturer mate. You dont wanna be stick with a girl like her imo at least not until she comes to you or realizes rugby is only a minor part of choosing a mate. Good luck

          • Hi again Jay

            What I had intended to make clear was that she wasn’t to carry on messing me around if she has found another guy. Maybe as you say she will see it differently, but I was just p1ssed off that she admitted there was another guy then came back to me with the bed comment.

            I thought by saying I wanted no relationship hassle it may make her back off…then again it might cause confusion like you say lol :/ I never actually said her new ‘friend’ was no good for her I was just trying to behave in a friendly way by saying be on her guard as it were.

            As you say, I do feel now like I’ve been fcked around, happened twice thanks to her and I swear lol it’s never going to happen again!!!

            Thanks again for your advice 🙂

          • ‘What I had intended to make clear was that she wasn’t to carry on messing me around if she has found another guy’
            This was a mistake because it makes you look like you ‘care’ too much. Whilst it is good to be stern with women you have lost your cards and she now knows your motives. The best way to not be messed around is simply to move on etc or even ignore the other person in some cases. The only time one should become ‘annoyed’ is if she was meant to meet you at 5pm somewhere then did not turn up. This is hardly the type of stuff you should be angry at, all along you should of just moved on.

            She knows you care now and that her messing you around annoys you = she has more power over you and prob getting ego boost from it. BTW i do not mean to make you feel worse i am just explaining why its not a good thing to do =/ the angry thing is a bit like a girl turning you down and you getting angry over it. Instead you should be cool with everything she does only that when she ‘disrespects’ you – that is the only time you talk to her about it. Teasing/playing around with you does not equal disrespect.

            Never exaggerate the bed comment either, all you simply do is tell her “you have a boyfriend, you should not be flirting with me, does your bf know this?”.. that is the kind of response i would of given, it doesnt show anger only but teaches her indirectly she is being childish or naive and should consider her BFs feelings when she is going behind another guys back, in fact saying the above would probably scare her since she is p*ssy footing around HIS back and may feel you might tell the other guy.

            Stay in ‘no contact‘, as i said also you should be focused on what your doing with your life and not what she is doing or can do for you, your mind has become ‘external frame’ again and her actions are annoying you for no real reason i.e she does not want me so i will get angry; instead mate simply act like its no problem only that your not her puppy dog. Anger only allows her more power over you.

            1) always tell what a woman is right and wrong in your world i.e “does your bf know your flirting with me?”
            2) move on from any woman who displays silly/immature behaviour or even disinterest, if she wants to chase you up on it then she will later which means she cares enough to change for you and display better behaviour.

            In other words she is ‘too’ important or what she does to you is ‘too’ important and this needs to change in your mindset.. who she dates etc or how she treats you should not be this important. Simply ‘ignore’ or move on from someone who is not doing their job as friend. Talk to you later mate.

  130. Hi Jay, I’ve read your blog on the Alpha Male, makes sense.

    One or two things I remember now having read that and had another look through this page, she seems to not just pay me superficial comments, eg (short story here!) Just over a year ago we had a leavers ball/prom for our 6th form and I had my picture taken with her and her then bf. Couple of weeks ago she sent me that exact picture but she’d cropped her ex-bf out of it so it was just me and her, and she was enthusing about ‘how smart I looked’ etc, although as you say she went on to comment on herself so as to gain compkiments from me :/

    Few days ago she was texting me when she randomly threw in the question ‘Does it bother you that I have tatoos?’ I couldn’t understand this because her tatoos are hidden from sight when she is fully clothed and I’ve obviously never seen them ‘in the flesh’ so to speak. It was also totally irrelevant to what we were talking about. So I don’t know what she was worrying about with that question if I’m never going to see them?!

    Anyway I haven’t heard from her since Monday morning so everything quiet atm.

    You, sir, are a miracle worker your responses hit the nail on the head every time! Thanks Jay 🙂

    • Hey man, yeah don’t give her compliments if she is looking out for them, try to read her actions more, then read her intentions. Women post pics on facebook all the time to get you to notice it and to like it or comment on it, it is mostly a trap for guys, its a test etc. I could even say that her posting a pic of the ex cut off and with you kept on it is a sign she is trying to make the ex jealous. You are your own best judge on it.

      Its hard to really know why she did the above but your best as always is not to read too much into it even though to me it looks a good sign, she likes you as a person that’s 100% certain but not as a 100% attractive person yet (not enough proof). The tattoo thing i admit is a surprising one because that is the type of thing you say DO say to someone you like who is eventually going to see it 😉 *hint hint*.

      If someone cares about your opinion its a good sign too. When i first read it i was thinking it is either because you are very very close friends or she is somewhat sexually attracted to you, she obviously wants to know if you don’t mind the tattoo on her, in other words if it does/doesn’t turn you off. IF these tattoos are hidden then yes its a very big sign, have you ever told her at some point that you dislike tattoos in the past? Sometimes i will say though that women ask these questions because ‘another’ guy did not like the tattoo or someone brought it up and she is counting on you to give her security. I would crack the joke “it depends on what the tattoo is” rather than “yeah sure i like it”. You could joke some tattoos scare you but not all the time, the reaction should be good and funny.

      Your best bet is not to analyze or count on it happening but rather take it day by day and let things fall into place on there own. But no doubt that is a big sign, i have always thought there is something between you two but as always just don’t count on it and you will be fine.

      Good luck and thanks for commenting 🙂

      • Actually the pic with her ex removed from it was sent via text it wasnt facebook, so it was only her and myself that ever saw it.

        She has asked about the tatoos before, and I’ve been truthful I’ve said they’re only a superficial thing its the person that counts, and I’ve said that personally I would probably never have one.

        She does seem to care about what my parents think of her as well…every time she sees them or has been at my house she always texts afterwards saying she hopes my parents like her or werent worried by her when they saw her without makeup etc. She even initiated another round of texting a while back by saying how she had seen the mum of one of my friends (?!) at her work. Weird link for her to make?!

        Our friendship isnt as if we’ve become very very close over time, yet we seem really close. We don’t even see each other that regularly (Been a month now!) and its been in fits and bursts since mid-2010. Just doesn’t feel like an ordinary friendship, she seems quite happy to text etc but never acts on plans to see me. (Hoping I’ll plan something instead?) I know stuff about her nobody else does and its so easy to talk to her she knows stuff about me my guy friends of 7-8 years don’t know! Also I’ve only ever met her parents once, she seems all too happy to be at mine whenever she sees me. On the other side she did say that she is hoping there is ‘someone for her out there’ via text on the subject of love recently, either she isnt interested in me or is playing games? She also went on to say she thinks ‘love can develop over time.’ Is that a reference to our current relationship maybe or am I reading too much into it?

        Haven’t heard from her since Monday morning still. You think she will wait for me if she wants me? Haha

        Once again Jay appreciated 🙂

        • Actually the pic with her ex removed from it was sent via text it wasnt facebook, so it was only her and myself that ever saw it.
          Its wierd she used that pic when she could take a picture with just you in but yes it does clear up a bit more if it was not a facebook picture.

          She does seem to care about what my parents think of her as well…every time she sees them or has been at my house she always texts afterwards saying she hopes my parents like her or werent worried by her when they saw her without makeup etc.
          These are all good signs but like i said the key to it happening is not to read too much into it, if you are sure she likes you just allow it to happen. From what i have read so far you have many signs but its how you go about it from here that really matters.

          Just doesn’t feel like an ordinary friendship, she seems quite happy to text etc but never acts on plans to see me.
          If it doesnt feel like ordinary friendship you would not here askin me lol! Serious stuff.

          I can only tell you to take it day by day, the signs are good but they mean zilch without action behind them. The fact she doesnt act on plans to see you is a sign she isnt ready for whatever reason to take it to the next level, this is why backing away has been my priority to you since the beginning post. You need to reshape your mindset and become more attractive than you already are, it could very well be she does like you to some degree but is torn between you and another guy, god only knows.

          If she wants to go one step further SHE WILL let you know, no doubt about it! Women arent shy when it comes to choosing who she wants to get to know better. I feel you are trying to convince me she into you and trust me these are great signs but its not till she makes it obvious that you can really make a move.

          she is hoping there is ‘someone for her out there’ via text on the subject of love recently, either she isnt interested in me or is playing games?
          Difficult to know but the next few months may make her come out of her shell more, i believe she is testing you. Your response needs to be right to everything she throws your way to pass those tests. If i was talking to a girl in that situation i would play it cool, personally she might very well be hinting you.

          She also went on to say she thinks ‘love can develop over time.’ Is that a reference to our current relationship maybe or am I reading too much into it?
          Very possibly this is a good sign but yeah do not read into it too much, this is key to getting with women, the less placed on outcome and the less questioning the signs will help you keep your mindset straight and not on the ‘she likes me, she likes me not’ cycle. Reason i say that is because it will not just do your head in but you will play it out sub-consciously that you like her or are looking out for signs in the next meeting. This is why it is important to focus on you and not what shes doing. Does she ever flirt with you or touch you in meetings?

          Haven’t heard from her since Monday morning still. You think she will wait for me if she wants me? Haha
          Only since Monday morning haha? She will get in contact if she wants you and if she wants to meet up with you let her do the work, im not sure if she is waiting for you but the best you can do is become more attractive with the time you have away from her.

          Do as follows:
          1) find something to take your mind off her and do it alot (playing games etc).
          2) dont read too much into any signs even if they are good ones.
          3) place less expectancy on the future and focus on the today only.
          4) if she texts feel free to come back here and let me know what she has text you, can help you form some good replies. The response can be very important.

          She is dangling a lot but its hard to know if she just talking to get guys kissing her ass or rather that she is interested, hard to know. What i do know is that you should not feed her with validation, if she isn’t chasing you somewhat or making it easy for you to approach her then just get back to your life and focus on that. Women can also be bad distractions and confuse us with baiting, they can make us go crazy with all the signs. Let her make the next move.

          Think of it this way; only reward women with attention when they make it easy for you, at the moment she could make it easier but isn’t, i see a lot of baiting. Hopefully something changes though! Good luck

  131. Yes I am from the UK Jay. I don’t know about being cool, and I guess I’ve learned to be patient haha I’ve had to!

    I woudln’t say I give her anything for free, only contact I initiate is a friendly hug when we say goodbye, it is always her that starts it otherwise and only her that talks about it via text. That’s my biggest confusion, she seems happy to text (and we never text about normal things it always seems to devolve into a talk about emotions or complimenting each other :/) Yet she always seems to be working or busy elsewhere whilst talking about doing stuff together the rest of the time.

    It certainly doesn’t seem to be a normal friendship! Having thought about it, the rare occassions where we are together always seem to be awkward eg we don’t talk about many things yet she always texts after getting home about how much she has enjoyed herself and the usual speech about amazing wonderful etc even though it often seems to me to have been awkward or unproductive?!

    I bet you feel like your work is never done!

    • You say you do not give her anything but you say you compliment each other and give cuddles, this is ‘giving’. Even if she initiates it and you feel ‘kind’ by giving it back you are sub consciously teaching her you want to be friends. Look at her ‘intention’ behind her words not the actual words themselves. Why is she telling you that you are amazing but not taking it a step further? i.e Actions speak louder than words.

      What would matter is if she initiated going to London right this minute with you and stuck to that plan.. It has all been beating around the bush stuff so far. Remember for all this time you have not got any closer to the relationship you wanted, this is a sign its ‘your’ attraction level is what needs working on from the inside out (its in the eye of the beholder). If you lived in Manchester (where i am from) i’d be able to teach you in depth, i am working on a book on female psychology right now.

      All i mean is: Dont be that guy who is waiting around, when she gives you something you should not give back because you feel you have to etc (if you do this she has got you by the balls). The common guy will feel natural to compliment a woman back to be nice but this is actually unconscious approval seeking. This is why this trip and work experience will get your mind away from that.

      Also ask yourself: Would you give your ‘guy mates’ compliments, hugs and allow them to lie over your legs? Me thinks not! What really separates guys from the rest is their own thinking and not being influenced/manipulated by the woman they like. Treat her like your other guy mates, do not treat any woman differently to any guy you know. You only treat a woman differently when she is in a RS with you.

      After a woman compliments the common typical nice guy he will reply “i think your nice too” but this only causes a sudden loss of attraction. What the guy should have said is “im not nice im an awesome guy” and laugh it off and then think nothing of it.

      If she wants support/comfort from you (cuddles are okay if rarely given) then she should NOT be sexually suggestive, intimate or wanting more than she should be getting as a friend. If she wants that security from you she must get if from her girl mates of her family, it is not your job. The poor sods who are stuck in friend-zone probably do this too. My guess is that she probably has other guy friends who are there at her every beck and call.

      Go with the plan, all these signs may seem good but they dont show the bigger picture, the bottom line is nothing productive has come out of it so far, until it does your stuck between a friendzone/friends with benefits area. For you its time to get out there and focus on more important things (that is part of what makes you more attractive). It is not about giving up but rather caring less about the outcome. Tip: Being a FWB is not a good thing or step toward more btw. Do not become FWB if you want a RS. Even if she suggests it you say NO, you are worth more in that sense.

      I understand this a lot to read but i do this so people can understand it thouroughly. Good luck

      • You’re right (again) Jay she makes all these suggestions about things to do etc then never seems to follow them up. Recently I’ve given up even chasing these things up sort of play a waiting game not keep asking her about it.
        Haven’t seen her for a month now, despite her texting me every day for two weeks, managed to break that off though finally on Monday morning, she’s been quiet since then. I ended the ‘chat’ with a complimentary text just so as to not appear ignorant or anything and she even replied to it, but I haven’t texted her back.

        I wouldn’t say I’m at her beck and call like a proper ‘nice guy’ type of person, and I spend no more time with her than my guy friends really. So you suggest not bandying compliments around and being a bit more self centred? Not in an arrogant way of course I mean not complimenting her as much! It’s not as if every time I see her I’m complimenting her or anything, like I say we don’t talk about that much really she just keeps babbling on about wanting to spend time with me. Recently she suggested (whether or not she keeps to it is another thing!) going to the coast several times (!) over the next few weeks and going for long walks, because I once told her I like going for long walks. She gave this as a reason for wanting to go walking. I happen to know she personally isn’t that interested in walks. Is retention of that detail about me indicative of interest the same way a guy retains information about a girl he likes?

        I certainly would never do FWB, no way :/ I don’t think she wants that either. I’m not sure but I sometimes get the impression she is a little shallow when it comes to choosing her relationships. Two of her three bfs so far were rugby players and by her own admission she says they were both ‘mental’ once she got to know them. The third one was a similar build to myself and was a guy she works with I believe, but that apparently was a ‘mistake’ and only lasted three months or so.

        Appreciate your advice Jay, best help I’ve had 🙂

        • Put it this way mate you could be in a worse position, i still think your in good position. Dont play the waiting game tho, a woman will learn a lot from you if you show your worth more. Waiting is an unconscious way of showing less worth of what you deserve especially if she knows your waiting for her. Do not take this the wrong way but look at it from her point of view, finding something hobby wise helps to clear your head if you ever find her on your mind a lot.

          I had this girl who liked me and another guy, when i find out about this i backed off and let the other several guys fight over her, guess who she came to first? The one that got away. They dont say women want what they cant have for no reason, this is how it works.

          So you suggest not bandying compliments around, being more self centred?
          Compliments must be natural and spontaneous and less of a ‘trade scenario’, it is more powerful to compliment someone when they actually achieved something, if she just attained her degree then that would be worth a compliment.

          Complimenting a woman on her looks or just because she compliments you for example is like saying “here is a free compliment just for being pretty or nice”. You want to avoid that as it will seem unjustified to her, not because she doesnt believe it but because she understands you are complimenting for a specific reason, women are socially intelligent lol. I would not use the term ‘self-centered’ but rather ‘caring less’ about where you and her are going but caring more about your life such as hobbies and future goals.. ‘Caring less’ about the outcome and her does not mean you would be being horrible just realistic!

          Not in an arrogant way of course I mean not complimenting her as much!
          Answer to your question YES compliment much less if at all. Just treat her like a guy mate, You should actually do more ‘teasing’ than complimenting, complimenting is reserved for very rare moments. Do not compliment anyone when they do not deserve it. If she calls you amazing it does not mean she deserves a compliment back for example.

          It is very possible she compliments you just to get one back from you (its a trick test), the intention behind what she says is important. Its abit like my girl mate saying “im not as pretty as my sister” and instead of me going the nice route of “oh of course you are” i crack a joke like “we all know your looking for compliments sarah” and tease her abit.

          she just keeps babbling on about wanting to spend time with me.
          If this is recently go do it but go with the flow, short replies, hang up first, let her do more talking, no compliments, hugs or any intimacy. If she wants to lie/sit on you tell her she cant today, this is teasing her and a showing that you have grabbed your balls! See if it has an effect. But if you are disappointed afterward that it got no where this only shows where your mindset is.

          IF she wears a polka dot dress call her polka dot and if she is acting silly or childish call her silly willy, if she acts annoying or mean to you then tell her she is being that way and you don’t like it. Do not be AFRAID of what she thinks of you, do not be afraid of saying something you might think destroys your chances with her. This is key! Do not be an asshole like many guys tell you to be, its a horrible misconception of what really attracts women.

          Become playful too, its abit like going out with your ‘little sister’ and teasing the crop out of her, that is the best way i can explain teasing, if you go to the beach throw some water at her. This kicks in her ‘fun’ side. If any guy treats such situation like a date like ‘wow im alone with her’ OR ‘i will be nice if she is nice to me’ you are already on the losing battle. Your Self Attraction is in the ‘mind’ as it is effective on your outer personality. Looks, impressing, being nice is all useless in the bigger pic.

          A woman shows interest more by her body language, 90% of communication is done through their body language. Body language and attraction is all read by their actions, responses and intentions.

          If her ‘body’ responds to you being around her and you notice these responses she is responding to you because she cannot be herself around someone she finds attractive because she is scared she may screw up etc. If her actions indicate she wants to go somewhere this can be a step forward but her ‘intention’ of why she wants to meetup is more important. This is about being the person she wants to be with. If you are attractive to her she will suggest through body language that she wants to take it a step further. Example she comes up close to your face like she wants you to kiss her OR she put her hands on your lap or leg. However you must also be 100% confident of what she wants, you cannot take guesses, if she wants you enough SHE WILL make it known to you, women ain’t that shy or stubborn when they want you. Trust me.

          get the impression she a little shallow when it comes to choosing her relationships.
          Us men and women always claim the oppisite sex shallow because we are different, women hate guys because they think we just want sex and guys hate women because they always have many offers. This kind of thing comes up a lot in relaitonship counsel trust me.

          The secret to women is they want a man who is manly and mature, and by mature i dont just mean good behaved, i mean someone who knows what women want. You have to know what women want to be what they want. Have you seen my post on ‘Alpha Male’? These rugby players probably appeared manly to her and had something going for them in their life, they also cared less about the relationship and where it was headed, this is why SHE dated them. The only reason they finished is because further down the story she found out they were not a good match, either that or one side became less attractive to the other. Women make mistakes too just like guys.

          Check out my post on ‘Alpha Male’ if you havent already, i have updated it since. Also please check out my main blog page if you haven’t already, there is some GOOD mindset stuff on there that will cause attractiveness to flow through you all the time. WOW that was long lmao.


  132. Thanks again Jay, you really know your stuff it seems!

    One last query for the time being; she always texts me first, and when she’s going through the ‘amazing wonderful etc’ speech it has dawned on me she never once refers to me as a friend. In fact she never seems to define our relationship. Me imagining it again or is she leaving the door open to developments?

    I have done as you suggested the last few days ie busied myself with other things and stopped replying to her texts as much, although she texted me last night and seemed a bit put out that I hadn’t texted her all day, bit worried she might start thinking I’m ignoring her and what effect that could have?

    Thanks again

    • It depends really, sometimes girls do not tell you that you are their friend and some will, id say most will say your a friend at some point but the real answer it how she treats you, i have female friends who kiss me etc. The only reason i haven’t been deemed unattractive or friendzoned by those girls is because i have seen them less than usual and not been affected by their physical attractiveness. Not that i would date a girl who already has a bf (that’s not my style lol).

      IF she hasn’t said your a friend id say your probably in a better spot. Have you ever kissed before etc? That will probably define better whether there is potential or not. When i gave that example above of my female friend kissing me even though she was taken, this is a prime example that a friend finds you attractive but wont date you for other reasons.

      Even if she is leaving the door open (its hard to know) your best bet always is to get on with your life and let her be the one who cares most about you and having a relationship with you, if you wait for it to ‘happen’ you may be disappointed and your mindset wont be right but if get on with your life now you will be able to handle her much better because you will have shifted the focus from her to you.

      Don’t worry btw, what you are meant to do is back away part by part rather than just full out ignore, the latter will be seen as playing games by her if done incorrectly. Women also will test you i.e “why are you not talking to me as much?”.. if she was to text you that you could simply reply “oh just been busy”.
      That kind of question is like her saying “wow hes not there for me all the time anymore, he has another girl”.. the mystery plot thickens lol. She cant be your number 1.

      You have made a good start though but it will take time for her to be less of your priority and just someone who could come to you in the future and take it from there. Once your not there for her as much anymore she will be curious and surprised that your not just her guy friend who will do whatever she wants anymore but rather you have a busy life and if she wants your time she will have to step it up. Good luck

      • Jay, you really are a miracle worker. I’ve read and spoken to so many people about this before but it never has been so clear!

        No we have never kissed, only physical contact has been limited to a friendly hug now and again! When she texts she talks about things like cuddling up to me, holding my hand etc but whenever we’re together she seems a bit on edge and reluctant, although after a while she usually ends up leaning her head on my shoulder or resting her legs on my lap. But that’s all!

        I think she also has a bit of an obsession with fantasy stuff ie she has told me she wants to be treated like the character in a romance novel book that sort of thing and that she apparently believes in love at first sight HOWEVER she has also said she feels that love can also develop over time. One thing I also forgot to mention (sorry!) was a recent text in which she claimed she tells me stuff even her closest girl friend doesn’t know about her, including how much she enjoys ‘activities that take place in sleeping quarters’ (Direct quote!!!) and that she is ‘unexpectedly willing’ :O She went on tell me I’m the only person to know this other than her three ex-bf’s.

        It’s no wonder us guys get confused! :/

        • You might have to sacrifice the cuddles and intimacy of any kind etc – only because if you keep giving this type of thing she is getting what i call ‘boyfriend benefits’ even though your not officially with her. Its like letting a girl know you will be her boyfriend and give her comfort even though you don’t have that ‘title’ of being with her because she wont give it to you, she is expecting you to be like a boyfriend but settle for being a friend. I would down the amount of times you have any intimacy with her and see if it has an effect, it should, you will become less of ‘one those guys who does everything with and for me’. I know from your posts though that your not the typical ‘your too nice guy’ but there are obviously some things to improve on. Women will test us as ‘men’ forever, we just need to pass those tests to get the girl.

          Holding your hand is quite.. i mean friends don’t usually do that, if i had a girl mate who was putting her legs on me or holding my hands id have to question in my head what she was playing at LOL. A lot of what you describe may mean there is ‘some attraction’ there but if you take this intimacy away from her then you will have better control of what she gets from you i.e you will be the one in control and the one who decides what is given etc. Have the attitude ‘she gets nothing for free if she isnt my gf’ because in this way you will end up giving too much to her while she just goes and dates other guys. Only if you stop giving her that type of intimacy she will be surprised that not every guy will do whatever she wants kind of thing.

          My thinking is she is not ready for serious relationship also by the whole fantasy thing she pointed out, i have an idea it points to her wanting to be ‘young’ and free still. However that fact she told you that info could also mean she doesnt mind you knowing, means she trusts you. Could also mean she is hinting something, its hard to say. I have feeling she likes ‘sex’ a lot from the way you said things, unexpectedly willing sounds like someone who likes their sex (if thats what your thinking).

          I would stick to the original plan though and back away until she is off your mind and you have worked on yourself. Remember your attraction level starts inside, its not what you give her etc its what you think of yourself and your mindset i.e if you think your the magnet you will be the magnet, if you think your worth more than friendzone then you must show by actions that you do not want to be that guy who gives her stuff for free while she dates the other guys. For example i sometimes women to behave when they try kiss me and they have bfs! ITs about having integrity and a sense of ‘damn shes cheeky and she is asking for stuff from me when im not her boyfriend!?’. Funny right? lol.

          Are you from the UK btw? You seem a pretty cool dude. You have a very good patient attitude toward it all. Talk to you later

  133. Thanks again Jay for the further advice, it certainly makes sense what you say. As I’m taking a year out of uni I’m considering volunteering abroad which gives me a good opportunity to get away from her for several months and see what happens I guess. Would you suggest showing interest in/dating other girls to try and give the impression I’m not just there solely for her interests?


    • Sounds a great plan mate, i would do that. The getting away is primarily for your work experience and for fun of course but i would not approach this as trying to win her over but rather forgetting about her so that you can focus on new girls who can offer you relationships etc. IF she is interested she will probably turn up at one point or text you. Whether that will happen is another story but things do happen when you least expect them 🙂

      If you approach this as trying to make her jealous it wont work, just approach it like you are living life and the rest will fall into place 🙂 Focus on you but not her type of thing. When the focus is off her that is when she will feel incredibly invalidated and may begin chasing you again for validation to see if your interest for her is still there. When you away for this time you may realize you don’t want her AS much and this will help your mindset and outlook on her, me personally would get tired of a girl coming to me to rub her back all the time, that’s exactly the kind of mindset you need for it 🙂

      It is amazing what being away from her can do because girls feel ‘forgotten’, they just have to come looking for us at some point to see if we are still there to cater to their needs rather than our own. Good luck

      • Once again appreciated Jay, its amazing how clear you make it seem! Something I don’t think I mentioned previously was if we go for several days/couple of weeks without speaking she always texts me, although as you say this could be just seeking attention rather than attraction. Having been away from her for 5 months between Nov-Apr it wasn’t as if my feelings completely went but they did decrease, only problem is seeing her again is making it incredibly difficult because they’ve all come flooding back.

        Would another option be just to make it clear to her anyway, and then back off? While I have to assume it would be the ‘lets stay friends’ thing that would be the result I don’t want to have to keep experiencing the emotions it is creating by remaining just a friend. As you say she may not be interested in a relationship with me but on a somewhat selfish note I’d be doing myself a favour by getting a definitive answer one way or another. The ‘amazing, wonderful, caring’ stuff you believe is just friendly or her using me?

        Thanks so much again for your excellent advice 🙂


        • ‘if we go for several days/couple of weeks without speaking she always texts me, although as you say this could be just seeking attention rather than attraction’

          Any woman who tries to get your attention in my books is a GOOD start but its the ‘intention’ behind what she is doing that is most important, you must look at what she wrote and why she wrote it to see the real meaning behind it. A girl can say she likes you but without the action to back those words up it doesn’t mean anything, guys always fall for the “I like you as a good friend” and they think the ‘i like you’ part is a good reason to ask them out but there is no action there that deems she is interested, she is not chasing him, he is chasing her. Funny right?

          For example if its a “im lonely” OR the “im bored kiss my ass” type of test she is just looking for attention and nothing more, she just wants to feel special and nothing else. BUT if its something like “wow im so happy in this text message as you can see, its like i havent talked to you for ages, can i see you today?” then this is an ‘action’ that ‘shows’ she is interested in taking it further only you dont discuss where you are in the courtship, just take it one day at a time. Check the length of the text and the excitement that is in it and you can better measure/determine her current interest level.

          ‘I don’t want to have to keep experiencing the emotions it is creating by remaining just a friend’

          Exactly, if you remain friends like this you will be in eternal limbo and keep thinking “does she like me?” repeatedly and it will drive you crazy and confused. I assure you this is the most counter intuitive thing you can do, if you run one way she will chase you, but if you run after her she will run away. The least you want to do is give her a pat on the back for friend-zoning you even if done unconsciously.

          The key is just to treat her like everyone else you know and not like the hot woman you know, it is better if your interest dies down for her because this is what deems your success with her, her interest needs to grow while yours drops, a bit of push and pull theory works like this. Because you have been away for a while it may be that she misses you but its important to determine from her messages if there is something more there.

          ‘Would another option be just to make it clear to her anyway, and then back off?’

          Nope, you only do this if you were in a relationship with her and she wont leave you alone. To say the above would just re-affirms you like her, the idea is to make it so she cant figure out your interest level in her. When women dont know you like them they just have to find out by baiting/testing you.

          A common test is when a girl says something like “no one thinks i’m pretty” and the common guy goes “no your well pretty” and with that reply he is one step closer to friend-zone. He did not pass her test on that occasion.

          ‘on a somewhat selfish note I’d be doing myself a favour by getting a definitive answer one way or another.’

          That’s the strategy behind the strategy, you get the answer from her eventually because your indirectly getting her to make a decision on whether she wants you just by backing away, you don’t have to do anything else. When she senses she is losing you she will contact you. Its not selfish to avoid being the guy who is caters to her needs, besides this time away will get your head sorted. Do not bring it up what your doing, let her figure it out without telling her.

          ‘The ‘amazing, wonderful, caring’ stuff you believe is just friendly or her using me?’

          In woman code it means she appreciates what you do for her but is telling you indirectly your at ‘friend’ level, a girl can tell you your amazing and like you as a ‘person’ but the words aren’t important. Her actions are what deem how she sees you. It does not necessarily mean you are stuck in a friendzone. You may still have chances in the future.

          If you can see it from her view of what she wants while working on yourself to become more attractive this way – you will understand better why it works then act accordingly. Good luck mate

  134. I wonder if you can help me Jay Rando?

    I have a friend who I’ve known for a couple of years on and off, initially she showed all these signs of liking me even though she was in a relationship, then she went back to behaving platonically for several months. She split up with her bf October last year and a couple of weeks later stopped talking to me altogether. I saw through facebook that in late December she got into a relationship with a guy she worked with and that lasted until mid March 2012. Day before she split with him she texts me out of the blue saying how she missed me etc. I replied, but then she went quiet again for about a month before once again textting me saying she needed me back (I guess as a friend), wanted to see me and touch me stufff like that it struck me as more than friendly.

    Anyway we met up several times over the next few weeks and she was always complimenting me saying how amazing and wonderful I am (Slightly over the top!) I think once the novelty of seeing me again wore off she went several days without having to talk to me, but has come back the last couple of weeks, started nicknaming me as her ‘husband’ and claiming she is my ‘wife’, I had no part in initiating this but I’m playing along with it in a friendly way.

    She talks about meeting up and going on daytrips out together and even talked about sleeping over in London or something. When I acted on this and suggested a date for a trip to London she claimed she didnt have enough money?!? She has even said about me sleeping at her house then claimed she was joking.

    I actually do have feelings for her but have never explicitly told her because the time has never felt right; either she has been in other relationships or now says she isnt looking for a relationship but would be happy if ‘something happened’ so I don’t know if she is saying she wants me to make a move? Recently we were talking via text about our past experiences of love and after I’d described a negative experience of mine she said ‘don’t worry you have me now’. So I took the initiative and said ‘yes but not officially’. She said ‘Not officially..yet?’ and when I asked her to clarify she said ‘doesn’t matter just a thought.’ It was as if she wasn’t entirely sure herself what she wants me as, either a potential future bf or just a stop-gap until she gets another proper bf? We even ended up talking about her deepest secrets which she revealed to me was that she is ‘unusually willing in bed’. She was also surprised apparently to find out I was not a virgin.

    Last couple of days she seems hot and cold, her texts are largely platonic but last night she said she didnt understand how someone couldnt care about me because I’m (apparently) so amazing and wonderful!

    Am I seen by her as just a good friend or potentially more?

    Appreciate any help/advice!

    • Hey AF, that’s some story, no doubt its confusing you. Where are you from mate and how old are you both?

      It seems like you are the man in the middle right now and the only way to change that is by not being friends (backing away) with her so she can see you in a different light, an attractive one. That might not make sense but i have a feeling she knows yours interested in her. The fact you have always been the one there for her has her thinking you will be her ‘backup’ whenever she needs you to fall onto. You have become the pillow for her so to speak.

      Going for girls in relationships is very risk stuff because if you try to go for someone who is taken you can risk the dreaded friend-zone but you are also risking a Relationship with ‘someone’ who may leave you for someone else since they left them for you. That cycle continues until it is stopped. Notice how she comes to you in between relationships?

      There ‘may’ be potential in the future (especially if you have had ‘moments’ before) but from what i have read your not getting anywhere with her as that next ‘stage’ just isn’t arriving, back off for now and work on yourself (watch some David De Angelo videos on youtube). After you have worked on your attractiveness allow her to come to you in her own time, don’t be the one who is always out on the look for a chance. A woman’s psychology is very very different and if she can smell that you want more she will be against it, if she wants a relationship she will make it known.

      If she has gone from guy to guy in little time and hasn’t chosen to date you between that time you are not doing something right somewhere. Its not that your not a great person, its probably that your ‘too nice’ for her or ‘trying too hard’ to make it happen. If you look at her actions, you will notice she is no rush to date you or anyone. Patience is everything in this game.

      It is very possible (and i don’t like to say this) that you were her crutch to get over her exes (as a relationship counselor i see it often). Then again.. you may have also been the guy she wanted to see once her relationships were over for some comfort and quick romance (how you handle that is also important). While this seems like a step to getting somewhere with her it just meant she wanted some ‘loving’ to feel single and free etc. That is why you must stop being that pillow for her.

      I do however find it strange that she calls you husband etc, there may be something in that but it could be something she says to other guys too as a way of flirting. The fact she has no money and played off sleeping over are not good signs, she is making excuses to avoid escalation of what you have now. IF she senses your keen for something to happen she will not allow it.

      Some girls are happy to be single even, from her history she seems to have jumped from relationship to relationship and this could be a sign she isn’t looking for anything serious, so if you did get the relationship with her its possible it wont last. I do wonder how many bfs she has had over the last 3 years?

      ‘She said ‘Not officially..yet